So once again I'm stuck awake. So here's my way of getting things out. I'm safe for now and in bed with Casper.
Trigger warning
The nightmares don’t stop when I open my eyes,
they wait in the light, still whispering lies.
I wake up already too weak to move,
with fear in my chest and nothing left to prove.
My chest pounds hard, I can’t catch a breath,
my body freezes, as if facing death.
I tell myself calm, but it falls apart,
panic strikes deep, straight into my heart.
I’ve thought about leaving. I’ve come very close.
I’ve sat with the option more times than most.
I’ve fought against myself, survived my own mind,
and scars like these never unwind.
You carry the fact you were almost gone,
and wake every day still forced to go on.
There’s no honour for choosing to stay,
just the same heavy thoughts the very next day.
I asked for help. I said it plain.
I said, “I’m not okay. I’m in so much pain.”
But they didn’t listen, they didn’t care,
like my words were something they couldn’t bear.
“Be grateful.” “Be strong.” “It’s all in your head.”
They don’t hear the part where I was almost dead.
Support shouldn’t feel like a test to survive,
yet somehow I’m the one keeping myself alive.
Life doesn’t wait. It keeps taking its toll,
more grief, more strain, another dark hole.
It feels like the universe knows where I bend,
and keeps pressing there just to see if I’ll end.
I’ve survived attempts I can’t bring to light,
survived the silence, survived the fight.
Survived mornings that came too fast,
after nights that were meant to be my last.
And living after that isn’t simple or right,
it isn’t courage, it isn’t light.
You carry the fact you almost were gone,
bearing it still while life drags on.
The nights don’t end, the silence stays,
the world goes on in its careless ways.
I’m here but not living, a ghost in my skin,
a life without end, a fight I won’t win.
@Jynx @AuntGlow
