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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Battles

MissGremlinSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 8:19 pm AEDT

Battles

Hi all, does anyone else just feel like life is just one big sh!t show? It's just one thing after another, constant drama, family issues, money struggles, stress, anxiety it's just always something.

When do things get easier, do things ever change?

I've been through more than i care to think about in my life but today has pushed me to breaking point and it's bringing up alot of bad memories of previous suicide attempts.

I just feel like it's not worth it, it's not worth fighting, not worth hanging on anymore.

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In response to: Battles

MissGremlinSenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 6:06 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

@NightFury it definitely gave me a surprise and sent the heart rate soaring. I'm glad Casper noticed it and woke me up. I do laugh at the fact that for ages I couldn't step on that part of the carpet 😂. I would literally climb over the bottom part of my bed to get onto it 😂.

In response to: Re: Battles

NightFurySenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 6:08 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

Ahaha. @MissGremlin I would totally be the same, so you're not the only one.

In response to: Battles

tymeModerator15 Feb 2026, 6:11 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

If that's the day you needed, go for it @MissGremlin

Please don't be too hard on yourself. We all have those lazy days.

In response to: Battles

AuntGlowModerator15 Feb 2026, 6:24 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

That must be so exhausting for you @MissGremlin. 😞💛

Ohh!! How was it to see your son and his partner?!

Seeing Casper unwrap his gift would be so wholesome. 🥹

It is tough... I have been trying to look at the little moments I can enjoy throughout my day that are light and easeful - does anything come to mind for you?

In response to: Re: Battles

MissGremlinSenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 6:27 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

@tyme i think it was needed but I'm not sure it's helped.

It's not that I'm being hard on myself it's that I know what's coming tomorrow and I don't know if I have the strength for it. (I'm safe).

In response to: Re: Battles

MissGremlinSenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 6:40 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

@AuntGlow things really do feel so exhausting but no amount of rest fixes it.

It was nice to see them but a little overwhelming given the time that they came.

Casper had so much fun unwrapping presents at Christmas.

It can be tough to find those moments, but I hope you can find some even if they are only little ones. Nothing comes to mind for me at the moment although last night Casper chewing on my thumb made me smile.

If I'm honest I'm in a really dark space at the moment, I have a meeting tomorrow with housing SA and then specific thoughts/plans of what will happen after that if they can't help. Whilst I usually use every bit of strength i have to get through those times, right now I just have nothing and that scares me. I'm safe and will do everything I can to try to keep it that way but I'm also exhausted in every way possible.

In response to: Re: Battles

ChasingsunsetsSenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 10:25 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

Thinking of you @MissGremlin, hope the appt tomorrow goes ok.

You are also having a lot of spider interactions lately 😯. Hope you managed to collect all your coffee pods after hehe ☕️

In response to: Re: Battles

AuntGlowModerator15 Feb 2026, 10:35 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

Who have you been able to confide in/reach out to lately? @MissGremlin

I understand. When do you think you will see them again?

Awww, I can imagine. 🥹

Little moments like that are so wholesome and helpful to connect with when things are feeling extra heightened or vulnerable. It may not seem like much, but even if you take a moment to notice how thinking about that experience makes you feel, you're contributing to that feeling slowly growing over time.

I understand why your mind might be going to those places, I can really hear how big things are feeling for you and that there's a lot of unknowns right now... what can you hold onto that you know feels safe or consistent? Some things that came to mind for me are: Casper, your friends on the forums, your ability to reach out, your colouring in and other self-care practices. 💛

In response to: Re: Battles

MissGremlinSenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 10:40 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

@AuntGlow a friend i talk to online knows where things are at.

I'm not sure.

Even those things right now feel unstable, everything feels insecure. I've not really been reaching out cos I don't want to take the place of someone that deserves support (I'm safe).

I'm just about to share a poem that I just wrote.

In response to: Re: Battles

MissGremlinSenior Contributor15 Feb 2026, 10:46 pm AEDT

Re: Battles

Things feel really heavy at the moment so I turned to writing things out. I'm safe for now and laying in my bed with Casper.

TW: Discusses SI

Content/trigger warning

I can feel myself staring to slip,

I'm quickly losing my grip.

The silence screams, it won’t let go,

a creeping fear begins to grow.

Everything is going black,

from this there is no coming back.

The earth gives way, I start to fall,

the void itself begins to call.

I close my eyes and count to three,

in pain I'll no longer be.

I won't again see the light of day,

these shadows take my soul away.

It's impossible to get through each day,

so I'm choosing not to stay.

Today my choice has been made,

now every hope begins to fade.

From this moment I won’t suffer no more,

living became such a chore.

The silence fills me, cold and deep,

as I slip into an endless sleep.

It's time for me to close my eyes,

I've already said my goodbyes.

The room grows still, the shadows crawl,

as silence whispers, my last call.

Life really put me to the test,

but now I'm finally at rest.

The weight of years has bound me tight,

and in the dark, I lose the fight.

Don’t cry for me because I’m gone,

cos it hurt too much to hold on.

The darkness takes what’s left of me,

and in this world, I cease to be.

I can feel myself staring to slip, I'm quickly losing my grip. The silence screams, it won’t let go, a creeping fear begins to grow. Everything is going black, from this there is no coming back. The earth gives way, I start to fall, the void itself begins to call. I close my eyes and count to three, in pain I'll no longer be. I won't again see the light of day, these shadows take my soul away. It's impossible to get through each day, so I'm choosing not to stay. Today my choice has been made, now every hope begins to fade. From this moment I won’t suffer no more, living became such a chore. The silence fills me, cold and deep, as I slip into an endless sleep. It's time for me to close my eyes, I've already said my goodbyes. The room grows still, the shadows crawl, as silence whispers, my last call. Life really put me to the test, but now I'm finally at rest. The weight of years has bound me tight, and in the dark, I lose the fight. Don’t cry for me because I’m gone, cos it hurt too much to hold on. The darkness takes what’s left of me, and in this world, I cease to be.

@AuntGlow

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