Sleep isn't happening tonight and things are feeling really heavy. I feel stuck in limbo over still being here and it's a tough space to sit in. So here's a poem I wrote to say where things are at and how I'm feeling. Please know that I'm safe and I'm in bed with Casper.
The day I picked didn’t finish me,
it came and went, but left me be.
I woke up still inside my skin,
like even this I couldn’t win.
I don’t feel lucky, don’t feel brave,
I feel embarrassed that I stayed.
Like even ending it was too much,
like I can’t do things right as such.
My body’s here but my mind is gone,
no fight, no spark to lean upon.
Just empty time that moves too slow,
with nowhere special left to go.
People speak, I barely hear.
I play the part, but don’t belong here.
They see a body still complete,
they don’t know the plan I didn’t meet.
If living’s proof I should be proud,
it doesn’t say that part out loud.
It just repeats 'you’re still around',
a fact that weighs me to the ground.
I didn’t leave, that is plain.
I didn’t fix my endless pain.
I’m not alright, I didn’t break.
I just kept living, that’s my mistake.
I exist, but I'm absent still,
my heart is beating against my will.
I take up space, but not for long,
in this world I don't belong.
@AlwaysMyself wanted to tag you in this cos you know where things have been at for me lately. It's ok if you don't get around to replying, just wanted to share with you.
@Jynx @AuntGlow
