Life can be a Pain

hi Dec,

this is a poem I wrote in 2005.......

I was recovering from being terribly abused by my Dad........my home was gone.....my oldest son went to live with my brother. My youngest son just began his cycle of shunt replacements ...4 of them in 5 years....he is managing his life well today.

My Dad was a reputable Lawyer and he had a breakdown. He was pushing me into having a relationship with a dangerous man I ended up putting in jail for 2 years.

this is a poem I wrote when I was in therapy and trying to get away from him:

May 2nd, 2005

My Face, My skin
Skin to Skin
I turn to you as you have a propensity for violence
I draw it out of you

I’m missing you

So Far away

Our repetitive dramas
Our Addictive sex

Give me a drama to imagine
A fantasy to keep me alive
Our acting out is a substitute for suicide

Push you away
Either way,
As long as you feel you live

this poem is about my Mum.

oh.....I cant find it....Ill go & find it......your turn....

OH @PeppiPatty

That is hea-vy - - and good - do you mind if I think on that before I comment?-

Yes - while you feel you live - or while we live we feel - how terrible. The images - oh yeah!

Anyway - I need to print that and read it - and give me a moment - I have something I need to find

Dec

Hey @PeppiPatty

Some of mine are too long to post tonight but this one is undated and unnamed - I wrote it sometime after my son died and this is directed at my ex-h - of course he never read it - in fact - no one has

I screamed out all my wrath and rages

And heard my voice ring down the ages.

My eyes are wet - my throat is sore

And I can't love you anymore

I blame you for my pain and grieving.

My heart lies dead yet still I'm breathing.

I can't make my anger die -

My son is dead and you don't cry.

There's another stanza but it's a bit too much

As I typed this I thought - what you endured was really rough - hard to imagine how your father put you through that - but hey - there is no comparison - people hurt us and in so many different ways.

Whatever it was, is, will be - events leave shadows but truly - I had forgotten this bit of verse bet it must be around 30 years ago and I remember writing it

Dec

okay @Owlunar I have a thought......

mindful of your pain of two loves .....

I am imagining that one is your son & one love interest .... either ladyfriend/guyfriend or your Mum ?

I read somewhere that it is very easy to rage against your current lover at all your failed relationships ................. ALL of them......

I'm also thinking that you may have thrown in your grief of your son in there as well??

Love to you and breathing a breath that includes care to you x

Hiya my wise old owl friend @Owlunar, and hello to you too Utopia & PP.

Dec, your description "bone on bone" describes it all. I wish we could grow cartlidge easy - as easy as fat cells would be good lol.

No, seriously - you're doing the right thing seeing a surgeon. If you have to go full slog with a knee replacement, they're so much better at it these days than they use to be. Did you say you have private cover? - even better!

My knees are heading that way, tai chi exercises seem to help strength. My aunt (78) just had hers done 2months back - no regrets. My good friends hubby (60) just did hip & also happy he did re less pain and able to move more now, pain free, he just working muscles back to strength after favouring it & leaving it too long.

I just had my first night home in 3+ weeks. Was great to walk in the door last night. Much tidier than I remember which is nice. Waking up to my birds is also lovely 🙂 Sleeping in today 😊

Hope you have a good day 💓💜💓