Life can be a Pain

Dearest @Decadian

Iknow your interesting stories of your studies well......I Love reading them......

On your Mum....yes yes........keep on writing.

Yesterday, my historian had me and mr g over for a meal for lunch. She also invited my Mum.... Mum turned up with all new brand clothes, new haircut new makeup......we all lookws like we were nice but nothing special. She didn't speak but.....last night asked me a question when I rang her this morning, she was back to her nasty self......

whaddya do ? I feel like we need to keep on looking at ourselves and make sure we act ourselves.

I am here for you.

Hello @Owlunar, it is little me again looking for you and giving you a hug

Hi @PeppiPatty

Could to hear from you again - I love talking about my studies - it was among the best things I did with my life - even though I graduated 24 years ago it all still works for me - in fact it gets better - even what I learned when I was studying for my accounting diploma makes more sense as I get older

I wonder what my life would have been like without all the stuff I learned at night school because my siblings and I were not prepared for life - my parents never discussed anything with us - it was a case of go to school and learn something and go to work and earn something - and none of us knew any better but what I learned at night school made all the difference

My mother - yes - I think she haunts me at times - I wish I could have talked things over with her but that was something that never happened - even now I will think of something I would like to discuss with her and then I remember she has died and I never had the chance - and what you said about your mother - yes - I understand - different but yes - difficult

Your mother looked great for the meeting - new everything and even asked you a question - did you get to answer? And then in the morning she was back to her nasty self - wow - like how do we deal with that?

Um - yes - we are the only person we have any control over - we can only look at ourselves and make sure we are ourselves - part of which is keeping part of ourselves to ourselves with people like our mothers - revealing too much might be a declaration of open war - and who wants that

Not easy at all - I am glad you are here for me PP - likewise I am here for you

Dec

Hi @Shaz51

I needed that hug yesterday - it must have worked because I did not despair but rode out the day that had a lot of physical pain in it

Totally my fault - I woke up feeling horrible - back felt terrible - and when I took my medication I realised I had missed my evening dose of slow release pain-killer - not good that - I had written it down but when I counted the pills in the blister pack I had one extra and I paid for that all day

But I did accept it - what is the point of blaming myself? - still - I spent all day in my chair and slept a lot - I had a hot water bottle behind the really sore part and the day passed

I heard kids giggling outside and I was sitting in my chair and late afternoon - still in my dressing gown - hair needing washing too - really felt grotty and I thought "Darn the kids and Halloween - I don't have to get up and I can just sit here and hope they go away" - and they did

It's amazing how I can go through days without any kind of interuption but when I felt like dozing all day I had phone calls and people at the door - enough whining though

Even though I don't always post I often read - I think I read that Mr Shaz had a really bad day earlier this week - that must be so hard for you - I have to wonder - you have health problems and need to care for yourself as well as him but he goes to bed all the time - I was thinking about that yesterday

I hope you are okay today - and that he is having an okay day - and I am so glad you had a hug for me yesterday when I was in so much pain - somehow the prn medication worked late in the day - and I am okay today

Hugs to you Shaz

Dec

Hello @Owlunar

yes it is amazing how we come home and we get phone calls when we walk through the door , eating dinner --( that is the worst )

Mr Shaz had a really bad day earlier this week - yes he ended up sleeping for 7 hours that day, he gets circumstantial ( hope i spelt it right ) anxiety which yesterday we lost one of our jobs so he was low last night and he is cutting back on his meds again

Me , I have a kidney checkup every 6 months , so my next one is in december , I have being feeling sick in the stomach a lot, aches and pains in the joints , rang up the kidney nurse and found out i have a new nurse now and she is more concerned about me than my last nurse , so she told me to see my GP before december , but cant get appt until next week

I am cleaning mum`s house now - she loves it

glad to hear you are okish today my friend

That is so tough for you @Shaz51

I know Mr Shaz is MI - and this is how he copes with it - and still is not steady with his medication - whichc can be tricky - but your own health is not at all good and it sounds as if your next appointment with your kidney specialist can't some soon enough - and this has to be very hard wait at times

It's so good that your new kidney nurse is so much more interested in you - and seems more helpful - aw - having to wait until next week to see your GP is not good - what would be the case if it was urgent? Would you be able to get in any earlier? That doesn't sound good at all

But you are cleaning your mother's house - yes - she would find this pretty good - and this has to be a bus driver's holiday for you - more of the same - I hope you don't over-do again - I might run out of medals and ribbons - aw - that's terrible

I am much better today - missing one tablet really was not good at all and took a long time to get over - I gave up for a while yesterday and went to bed with a hot pack - good self care that - I slept for a long time and felt better when I woke up - which has to be good. And today I feel rested - which is really good

I hope you are okay and don't push yourself too hard - I always have a funny little pic in my head of your one kidney battling away - also knowing that people can manage with one kidney and also knowing your have other health problems

I can only wish the best for you - you are an awesome example of a battler - my terrific friend

Sending hugs

Dec

G'day @Owlunar @Decadian

Which one are you?

tee hee hee....

Yes, turning that monologue into a dialogue....thank you for saying it graciously.

My husband, Mr g can be so so negative these days......poor man.... He can't drink alcohol , smoke cigarretes , take illicite substances, smoke green......all gone. Three years mainly gone and now sharply gone.

I'm having a very insightful look into howdifficult this can be but the Mum thing is so unneeded. I'm learning taht she will never ever change..... there's a little part of me that has so hoped that I am part of her life and I must let it go.

Can I share a poen I wrote about 7 years ago? I had a dream and I wrote the dram the next day.

Hi @PeppiPatty

Yes - I would love it if you shared your poem with me - please put it here because I don't received notifications or tags - all the emails were too much and now I just work inside the forum and it's a lot easier

When we talk about our mothers it is a dialogue PP - we all have one whether she is still alive or has died - I had reached a stage where I felt as if my mother was so afraid of death that she would not die and I had to pray for her release from her suffering because she was not a happy camper here after Dad died - I can hardly believe how long that has been - and that my mother suffered for years - and it is amazing how their suffering can cause us sorrow even when they have not been kind to us.

I guess this is one of the things that makes us a better person - it is a strange and yet wonderful thing that when I read how other people are suffering from what their mothers have said and done I can only see the sorry and forgivable side of the person I read or hear - they are badly hurt and I know they would not feel so much pain if they did not care

And sometimes - when I read my old messages I am surprised at what I have written - it makes so much sense and I wonder why no one has ever sad all this to me - why I had to find it myself - but I did

And thanks so much for helping me to get to the place - not an easy place to get btw - it was quite a climb

And I am sorry you have to go through all the stuff to - and find what you hoped - that you were part of your mother's life and find you are not - and yes - as I did long before my mother died - you have to let it go - and yet even death cannot break the umbilical cord -

Time does lessen the pain of it all though - thank God for that

Poor Mr G - not alcohol, no cigarettes, illicit substances and green smoke - all gone for three years and now sharply gone - so negative for him - I understand but does he know that there are people - myself for one - who don't have these either? After three years and he still suffers from withdrawal I think you are saying - I am glad I haven't had that myself and thank my long deceased grandmother for her strict up-bringing of me - the only thing I do now is put a small amount of money on the Melbourne Cup and as long as the horses run I am in another world when I can sometimes shout a lot

I hear you - btw - how does all of this negativity affect you - this can't be easy - it certainly can't be easy yet three years is a victory - I am sad he doesn't seem to see this

I found a box of poems and short stories a few weeks ago - some of them were written well over thirty years ago when my own life was a story of tatters wandering through shadows at night

Please share your writing with me - I am looking forward to reading your poem - I know you can't write your novel - and how is your novel going btw

Dec

I am both Dec and Decadian - the story - early this year - I got some kind of glitch in my computer and had to start new everything - facebook, mail boxes, ID here - so I guess in reality I am still Decadian but Dec takes less time to type

Hi @PeppiPatty@Shaz51@Former-Member@utopia

I went to my doctor this afternoon and told him how wretched my knee is making me feel - it's not the pain - that is hardly the problem really - a little sometimes - it's the sickening feeling of bone-on-bone and the doctor thinks it may be the piece of cartilage that is extruded between the bones in my knee and he has written me a referral to a Orthopaedic Surgeon for his suggestion to make the situation a little easier for me - perhaps a little tidying up of the damaged cartilage might help

Mostly I feel tired - I sleep well but wake up tired and often go back to sleep for some time which is okay - but I am still tired when I get up and don't get into gear most days and my back is suffering a lot - I am not using my right leg as much and although I have a lot of muscle in my right leg it is quite a lot less than my left leg which is doing all the work

All this has gone sour since I was in Sydney when I tripped - it makes sense to me that the knee has been going bad for years but that some other damage occurred when I tripped - and I am glad I am seeing a surgeon soon - just for advice - my choices really. The thought of just having an arthroscopy doesn't scare me at all

This is wearing me down - I am really tired - I can hardly believe how tired I am lately

It's great that so many people here care - and I guess I am reaching a point that I do have to have a semi-knee replacement then I will - but I never saw this coming

And without trying I have lost 3 kilogrammes since I was in Sydney -

Dec