Life can be a Pain

Hi @Former-Member

I'm glad you came looking for me although the tag didn't take - I have to go through your post bit by bit - so I copy and go through bit by bit

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@lapses wrote:


I'm myserable today, Dr today says my lungs sound terrible & prescribed extra puffer & tablets for acute asthma (guidelines dont allow me to say what they are). Didnt prescribe antibiotic's 'till i get temp etc he said. Guess what, I have a temp of 38° tonight (medical centres closed till Monday now). Sit it out. You get asthma I think u said, so know u understand. My BP was up too 170/100 he said. Already on 2pills for that - not working. Must start walking again

Of course you feel miserable with all that asthma and I have had asthma in the past - really bad - still for some reason I got over it and yet I always have my puffer with me and get a new script every year - This sounds like an allergy - and you seem to have an incipient infection as well and high BP - you need to take it easy and if you like I will make a virtual check with your boss and give her a lesson on asthma - it's so darn hard to breathe - and scary - big scary -

I don't have much trouble now and use the puffer when I need to - but yeah - your daughter died from asthma and so this comes back with your PTSD - I think you have PTSD - it would be odd if you didn't. And I know what the doctor has given you = But I am wondering if you have a space - if you don't know what that is I can post one - it does mean you get more of your dose

Its hard with asthma, reminds me of my girl, all the things I over looked, feels like I don't deserve to heal. Retrospect can be cruel. You get that too.

Looking back with the info we gathered earlier in our lives - so easy to see in retrospect - it can be cruel - I get it - I have had my moments. But you do deserve to heal - I see what a wonderful person you are - and I mean this - I see how you battle with a life that gets out of control and yet with so much stacked against you - you keep going - I do understand

A subject I am planning to bring up with a question - why do many people struggle with lack of self-love and self-respect and feeling they do not deserve to heal or be happy or have the world on their side etc - I can understand but I guess it's a long time - more than half my life time ago now - I woke up one morning feeling totally disasatisfied with my life - I had planned a career as an accountant and here I was spending my life enabling 3 others to live theirs and from that day on strove toward emancipation which is a frame of mind and something we work on.

I worked hard at all of this and lost my family of origin for years and now - feel okay about myself. I really wish you could feel okay about yourself and that you deserve better because you do - Everyone deserves to heal

I did not neglect my children at all - in fact I became a better mother because I was having my own life as well - this is so hard to explain - I wish so much more for you and many others here

My son just rang which went well. He had his cast changed and slight adjustment as fracture had moved. But the cast looks better (sent me a pic), fibreglass - they have colours of their choice now. Might attach later.

I'm glad your son has rung - he is still very young and can you sign his cast? Insist upon it - it gives you a chance to see him for a trivial reason - a friendly reason - maybe just being interested in the fibre-glass cast is a good thing. It seems to me he is okay - had a bad downer breaking up with his girl-friend - we all have to go through that kind of thing and it's part of growing up - I was in my early 50s when I had a break-up - I really loved this guy and it is a hard part - but it's all experience. Time will help. And I would like to see a pic of that.

What's your plans for the w'end? Nothing much here. The boss is filling my shift tomorrow, so that's embarrassing. Better I'm not there coughing on all the customers.

I rarely have much happening over the weekends - I feel very unsettled this evening and I was during the afternoon - I realised in the supermarket today that my knee is likely to cave - I have had far worse pain but now I have an order for and MRI I feel very edgy and feel irritable - I think you probably know what I mean - I

Can I have a little whinge? Just realised the list of things getting me down.
- being sick, and alone and acbit scared
- concern for frail parents, difficulty mum
- son - no work, lives away alone, #arm
- gas ran out (no stove), can't afford the new regulation - gas compliance cert + a new cylinder. Grr
- hot water system running cold for 2days, washing out of a bucket, can't afford new one, but hopefully just a fuse blown - I'll check when I feel well enough to move the clutter I temporarily put in front of fuse box last week (big full 4drawer filing cabinet).

Is that enough to gripe about? LOL Not really griping, just acknowledging & wanting to be heard or something. I can get by without these things, just a bit 3rd world lol

🌷🌿

Ohh @Former-Member, sending you lots fo tender hugs my friend

I have another kidney infection @Owlunar, @Former-Member

Oh gripes @Former-Member

I lost my post and it was long and thought out - so let's just hit the top bits

Yes I understand about asthma - and it would bring back the PTSD from when you girl died - I know the feeling well and feel sorry - You feel really ill and emotionally distressed as well - not good and of course you don't go to work tomorrow and bugger your boss - you need to rest

Golly - just found it - let's finish this up -

Yes - you are sick and alone and scared - I get this - I have been there - and facing your mother's illness and her passing is really hard - I understand

Your Dad is past it too and needs better care - and your Mum can be really tough with you - I know she can't help herself any more than my mother could help herself but - oh sheesh - it's you I care about and I really do care -

You son is finding his feet in the world and he has no job and his arm is broken. That's tough for both of you - both of us - I went through the years with Prickly Young Daughter Syndrome. I know you feel badly

No gas, no hot water, expenses expenses expenses - I wish I could help - but alas - I have been a full pensioner - I know how limiting it is - how darned tough it is - but I have been in Government Housing for nearly 14 years and the Ministry deals with all of these issues - but there is the time of waiting -

You can gripe if you want to - I think it helps to say things to someone and I have heard you. I do understand - I would like to bring a bath full of hot water and get your gas fixed - but alas - the intention is all I have right now

You feel badly tonight - I am not feeling happy myself - we are a good pair - I don't mind having an MRI but the throught of another arthroscopy is not fun - at least I have private insurance -

To be honest - I am afraid that I will freak out - pretty sure I will if I need an operation - don't want to but I can feel tired and scared and irritable right not - the freak out will come by the time I get to have the surgery and that might not happen

I have your back Lapses

Dec

@Former-Member@Shaz51

Shaz - I am so sorry you are ill again - life is so rough on you

Here's a pic for both of you - all of us

We all get by with a little help from our friends

thank you @Owlunar, @Former-Member ,it is soooo anoying but the doctor said the kidney is stable which is good

Aw @Shaz51

When you only have one kidney it's more precious - and at least it's stable but then you have an infection

That has to be so tough - I hope the anti-biotics work - that's if you can have them - I know that with a one-and-only-kidney there are things you have to avoid because it can be stressed

Wishing you all the best

This is my best Saturday picture

Dec

Hi @Former-Member

I am trying not to worry about falling until I really feel I am in danger of doing that - I have elbow crutches if I need support and I used them for so long all the time years ago I can quickly pick up the skill - much better than I stick -

And the brace - I got the largest one I could years ago but alas - my tibial plateau is very large and I got swelling above and below the brace - not at all good - but I can bandage the knee at night and it does feel easier today - and I slept well

So yes @Shaz51 and Lapses - we have each other and can have a private party - let's see what I can find

Perfect - we have cake and presents and balloons - and come along anyone else - you are welcome - but we are into laughing - this is no pity-party - it's a we're-going-to-laugh-party

Dec

thank you @Owlunar, @Former-Member

Love the picture @Owlunar

I have arthritis in the groin too but you are right @Owlunar , party time

Hi @Shaz51@Former-Member

It would have been good to have a party but instead I took the weekend off to rest my leg and I watched a few epispodes of a TV seriers that I liked - I got the DVD set when I was shopping last week

So that was that - I looked into the forum on my phone but I really didn't have much that was helpful to say and if the truth be known I am more concerned about my knee than I want to be - like so many other things I just wish it away - and sometimes that works but not this time - not yet anyway

I'm having an MRI on Wednesday afternoon - I at not worried about that - not excited either

I feel rather flat and not at all useful in the face of so much suffering that other people have here - I have been there in the past and understand - but right now I am not at all useful when it comes to saying much

Dec