Hiya @Owlunar, @Former-Member. @Former-Member and everyone else passing through.
i just wanted to add my 20cents in here too. I think the forum is a really tricky place to be sometimes because we deal with huge diversity all the time. I have hurt some on here and been hurt by some too. I know both will happen again because we are all human doing the best we can. The last few months have been really tricky for me regarding my own mental health but how to manage the forum too. I have had to bring it up in therapy to work out how to deal with some things because they were outside my very protected little self isolating bubble.
One of the things I've struggled with immensely is how to respond to everyone equally. I am aware that there appears to be cliques on the forum. From my perspective now I think it's just part of life. There will always be people we gravitate towards for a great variety of reasons. I know I do. I don't think it is any different when we are using a forum setting that seeks to connect people. I also think that some of the friendships that have developed on the forum have come from a great deal of mutual support, lots of give and take. Personally I am trying to just go with the flow and come back where I can and when I can. At the moment this is really inconsistent and I'm not getting across as many threads as I once did. I'm trying hard to accept this is ok (sorry an all about me part 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:). It gets tricky sometimes though. @Former-Member I can sense that you very much also see some of variations in responses in posts and I feel your sense of justice and no one gets left behind. It has torn me up a few times too. I think in the end we can only do what we can without burning out or making our mental health suffer more.
I know I've also struggled with lots of things in the past like posting in crisis and then getting some responses but not responding myself or very few responses because I was so one tracked at the time. For me this has bought lots of guilt. I also know in crisis there are a few members that have a good understanding how to 'calm my farm' at the time and I look to them for support. I think with huge emotion swings (such as with BPD traits) it also gets really messy. At the time of distress it is easy to let off whatever is in your head, after the fact comes the guilt for doing that. The hard thing is in two days time it often is hard to remember what you were so distressed over. For me personally I have found when I've tried to go back and respond after the fact I've often had so much shame for the crisis I can't re read it or acknowledge it. This was a huge part of the reason I abandoned my struggle thread. It was a constant reminder of how much I lived in constant crisis and therefore also great shame (more all about me :face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes:). I guess in a more general sense someone who may have been hurt at the time by a post may not necessarily carry that same emotion forward. They may lash out at the time but then get over it.
@Owlunar I have an idea of the issues that have caused you to feel the way you do. I don't know for sure but I am guessing. I know you were offering support at the time and thought you were doing the right thing. I can understand how you would feel bewildered too. I don't believe bridges have been burned although this is only my guess as I'm not the person involved, it's the feeling I get. Please don't let any of this stop you from being you on here. I have only ever seen you try to have members backs here, sometimes in a very protective way. I'm sorry you've had trouble with pain lately again. I hope as this weather warms up.....if it ever does.......you'll get some reprieve from the pain. Thinking of you with this.
I guess I just want to reiterate that no one (including mods) gets it right on the forum 100% of the time but we are all just trying the best we can. I think on the forum like in life there will be times when we unintentionally hurt someone and times where we are unintentionally hurt. There are times that misunderstandings can be patched up and times when they can't and we just need to let it go (much easier said than done). For me the only time that we can't tolerate it is when the hurt is deliberate or intended. I totally agree with @Former-Member in that communication based only on written words is really tricky sometimes, we lose so much of it. It's also really hard to tell if the person writing the post is tired or unwell too at the time, sometimes this doesn't help with communicating well (a big one for me).
Well I think I got more than 20c in. Wishing you all the best 💜🤗💐
