Life can be a Pain

Hey @Owlunar, was just feeling sorry for myself that I have nobody to tell about the good night I had out a few hours ago, then I thought ofvyou, that you might be interested. Its 2am - dog woke me to be let outside and I can't go back to sleep yet 💜

A local christian lady, who cared for 2 sons with degenerative genetic disorder, 'till they were 25yrs old, when they went to be with the Lord (yep, she lost both of her only children). This well respected lady was speaking at a local church, on "Faith and tough times" to raise money for the local School Chaplaincy. Of cause i wanted to hear how shes survived this and kept the faith. Not only did i want to go but someone offered me a lift. So I dragged myself off the couch and went.

Oh, what a night. The Chaplain herself was there and just by chance sat at our table. She described herself as 'a missionary kid' - retired school teacher - christian believer. But quietly. and most significant to me, at our table she shared how she too is acquainted with grief - having lost her brother to suicide age 37:( (said he battled depression & hospital all his life). I listened carefully as this is sibling grief - which I need to hear for my family. That was blessing my blessing #2

#3 was the flute player ringing crystal clear as we (50 ladies) all arrived slowly registering and taking our seats. Beautiful tone. I was inspired to dig out my own flute and start playing again. Time will tell 🎵

#4 Amazing spread of yummy cakes and fruit, And the tables were adorned with white tablecloths, pink silk centre runner with ivy vine and a small flickering candle centre. The decorative napkins were colourful butterflies. Balloons, even those fairy lights behind lace curtain on the feature wall. On reflection it honestly felt like I was walking into heaven's resurrection banquet. Just so well done 🎀 I was able to ignore the negative dialogue telling me I wasn't good enough to he had here, I should leave, will never fit in, done my dash with God, this is reminder of what your mistakes has robbed you of... ... Yep, that voice was a distant echo that still rings but I'm too tires to care really. BlarBlarBlah. Somehow I was able to live in the moment and just warm a seat and take it all in. The social anxiety, hmm, didn't feel that either, very unusual.

#5 Singers, x3 of them, different styles, and of cause I just had to buy the CDs at the end of the night, especially as all funds raised were going to the School Chaplaincy as well. Haven't listened to them yet but will 🎵🎵🎵

#6 The talk, there were scripture references I can add here later if you'd like Dec, @Faith-and-Hope, but on the whole, what she said was also my experience, ours, my faith revelations in grief - real, and hopeful. That she had endured such suffering and standing the confident woman she is today. 💜

Unfortunately, actions speak louder than words, she wad not warm yoward me. She's not good with intimacy maybe, or still figuringbme out... Not good eye contact or emotional support with me. I travelled in with her sister and the warm greeting she gave her, as we walked in, was a stark contrast to the strained hello I got, ouchy! And the three of us go to the same ladies bible study together (here comes the voice again - what gossip has she been listening to?). I even asked her if she could pray with me sometime, as announced by MC as on offer, but she just smiled and changed the subject. I felt a bit hurt at the mounting fobs and thought to pray about it tonight (rather than attack myself with negative thoughts, get angry and bitter). The Holy Spirit gently reminded me

"WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT GIFTINGS"

Ah! My heart settled 1:1 is not her thing, nor is processes, for she is a missionary, a teacher, a speaker, a task focus person that gets things done. Nobody's perfect. I am a dreamer, creative, my giftings are more music, compassion, empathy, grace... 🎵🌿

And on that note, I need to try get back to sleep as its 3:30am and I have to open the shop early for work tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping ok Dec. Thanks for being here - nice talking/☺

Lapses🌷❗💞

@Former-Member ❤❤❤

@outlander, good in o see you, great sunset pictures. Its like giant gold diamond. beautiful. Do you get to the beach much yourself? Hugz for you 💜

Thanks @Owlunar, guess it all pans out in the end. How are you tonight? I'v had a big day, niggling aches and pains. laying in bed with a heatpack on lumber area. actually fell asleep a few hrs and just woke up. Didn't sleep much last night. Only about 3hrs in total, broken. Mind racing, dog needing to go out... Had to work and the shop was the busiest its ever been 6months since I've been there. I'm tired.

But when I got home found the 10m dead tree out back had toppled onto the the corner of the house, most the weight precariously balanced on the rainwater tank. I was worried a wind could bring it down sideways into windows etc. The local tree lopper wasn't answering his phone so I rang the SES. Turns out it was a job they didn't have to do because it hadn't officially broken any infrastructure or posed threat - however, they realisevit could so took chainsaw and ladder to it and 3hrs later it was down. A branch fell on the rusty rainwater tank roof and it collapsed in tearing dide a luttle, losing water everywhere. and lot of water poured out for ages. And the trunk badly dinted the top of the tin fense coming down. But nobody was hurt and the SES guys worked so well together, well, for middle aged+ inexperienced blokes. I never had so many men here. took a photo of them with the sun glowing off their bright orange overalls. It was good of them to do it. They had a new gov vehicle they christened, first callout in it, wow! I have avmountain of cuttings in the neighbours driveway to have carted away but he's good about it all - thank goodness.

One confronting thing tjat stressef me on the inside a little was The guy in charge was my old neighbour whose daughter was my girls friend / playmate. He drove his car right into the backyard and when he got out he gave me the biggest hug hello "remember me" he said. It was most unusual. bit I think easier than words as we had not seen each other since my girl died. So sad. affected everyone I guess. That was a bit confronting. I honoured my feelings and took a quiet break, layed down quietly, inside, and did breathing exercise meditation ion while I hey clucked around outside. I get overwhelmed easy these days, and live alone. 🌷🌿

Thanks i need those hugs atm @Former-Member im glad you like the pics too ❤ hmm i drive past the beach or ill sit in the car at the beach. All the bloody beaches around me are dog beaches and i cant stand going there anymore