Life can be a Pain

Really good to hear from you @Owlunar no pressure. Your thoughtfulness matters. Your situation is frightening and I would dread it too. It should never be a competition about who is worthy of time or attention. I miss you when you are not around.

Party on you special birthday.

I love that you wrote about your son "I am used to the fact he died now - he is at peace wherever and whatever happens after death - and it was his choice - as much as I don't like it - I respect it." I am getting that way about my dead people, but gee it has taken a while.

Thanks @outlander

I think I have been feeling better today - it started out being bitterly cold - then we had a rainstorm - and it's winter - so what's new? -

"If winter's here - the adage ran - can spring be far behind? - you bet it can"

I hope you are getting through all of your plans etc - day by day - knowing you have made up your mind to go independent when things are in place. You have never had it easy - I know this so well - and you have on-going health issues and chronic pain - totally understand this - and I also know you will most likely feel better when you are in your own place with your own front door and you can have your own friends in your place in your time when you choose - or they choose - and you have the freedom to be yourself

I have the feeling you have never had the chance to be yourself - which has to be tough - one of my "brilliant" ideas is that when we make choices for ourselves we feel better - having independence is being responsible for ourselves - and you have worked hard to get where you are today.

Today - I did wash last night's dinner dishes before I went to bed which meant a better start - I did the laundry and made cookies - I have a stack of phone calls to make about my up-coming surgery - which is dental implants and having a wisdom tooth out. Which I am sure I have already said - and a GA - which means I will not be aware of anything happening.

The date is 17th August - which is less than two months away - and time does pass - the idea is not to think about it - which is hard for me - I like to be prepared - and I don't overthink - just think a lot. I'm getting used to the idea.

My granddaughter is a little older than you - a few years - she moved out from her parents' home some years back and lived locally - and when her lease was terminated she moved back to live with her parents - she then moved to the Sunshine Coast and meant a really nice man - they are living together now and seem very happy,

She has chronic fatigue syndrome - it must have taken a lot of courage to move interstate - but she did - and as I do - she does cope with her condition and did so for years before she met her partner. I feel better living alone with chronic pain myself - I do what I can when I can and if I don't wash the dishes in the evening they never run away during the night.

So - I wish you the best - you are very mature for your age - no doubt your life's experience has helped you gained this - it has not been easy for you at all

Best thoughts

Owlunar

@Appleblossom

Hi Apple

Thanks for your comments - yes - it is a lot for me to deal with - still - there is no competition - I just feel okay about feeling uneasy - not that I enjoy the bad moments.

But wait until the day - I will be a shipwreck - it will make the Titanic look like a fleabite - which I guess it is to me because it happened years before I was born - and the conversation was all about wars and the depression and Spanish flu back then - so - on a scale of one to ten - I am drifting by feeling cold because it is freezing as you most likely know about - and when the day comes I will hit the - well - 9 maybe - and by the time they start the IV I will be so glad the moment has arrived - it will be okay - ah - it will be okay - I don't know about me.

I am having a roast lamb dinner at my daughter's place on my birthday and my son-in-law is having the day off work - it's pretty quiet - and as my daughter is always looking very uncomfortable with her back pain and I have shoulder pain it's better to have things at home.

And my son - yes - I have had a lot of people die in recent years - I am now the second oldest person in my blood line and I have an elderly uncle and an aunt by marriage - all the others have gone - along with two of my cousins and sundry other people - death is the price we pay for life and grief the price we pay for love. I am not being trite when I say this - it took me years to get over the death of my son - and two deaths of friends in car accidents was different again - esp when I happened to be on the scene immediately after a friend and neighbour of mine was the deceased - that was a blast.

Getting older is a great comforter - I really do not know anyone of my age - and that's okay - hopefully I will get some work as a volunteer to visit and chat with frail aged people still at home - I learn though my support workers that they need to chat more than anything else at times

Thanks again Apple

I love to discuss things with you

Owlunar

Thanks @Oaktree

I will be taking care of myself and it's great to have support from my forum family

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

I am glad you are doing roast lamb at your daughter's for your birthday. @Owlunar Simple at home with respect for people's real needs. Hearing hyou about how living in chronic pain tends to make people quiet. That was me for 20 years. Save me breath. Smile. Nod. Not to be fake nice, but there is an efficiency in dealing with various social contracts with limited resources. Mind you it was good when I could do that rather than burst into tears. We often include a movie at home for birthdays. Will you?

I am doing chicken soup today and my son polished off an experimental ricotta and moreno cherry and plum powdl pastry I made last night. So being in the kitchen is my coping with the cold. When kids were young I was an adequate cook barely, but nutritious, whereas nowadays I do enjoy pottering in kitchen without the weight of great expectations and a lot more time and ability to search out ingredients or recipes .. or just have a go ...

I know you were not being trite about grief and love. We have done the work individually and with each other to be able to say that. It took me a while to realise that and be accepting of it. Nobody else cared about our loved ones as much as we did. I also liked your humour about the current news titbit and your own approach to end of life. Mortality. Ah! I am singing a Requiem plus other beautiful motets at the moment, as well as playing Beethoven and Tallis.

Its a great idea to volunteer as company for people in their homes. After your dental challenges are overcome and become past history. I do hope they give you relief.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI5Y9l2NHIo ooops we did it as instrumental and far too quick yesterday. Never mind. This is sublime.

Hi @Owlunar nice to read ur journey although very sorry that things are overwhelming with the dental problems...that is very hard.

Your anniversary is also a difficult time and i hope u are ok. Sending u peace and comfort.

The days are certainly icy in melbourne and you are right it is so impactful. Hard to get outside and hard to feel comfy. Is ur home cozy?

We have here where i live bad insulation. Older melbourne homes. I grew up in one.

I hope ur doing ok tonight and had a good weekend ♥️

@Owlunar

Is your dental problem causing you any pain? August seems a long time to wait to have it all sorted.

I am having toothache at the moment. It started sometime on Thursday. I got in to see the dentist on Friday but she wouldn’t pull it right away. She wanted to see if it would settle over the weekend first. Well it has not settled so I will be getting it extracted tomorrow morning. She gave me pain relief tablets for the weekend, pretty sure I am allergic as have been itchy all over since yesterday. I can’t wait for this pain to be gone.

Meggle

@Owlunar ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @Zoe7

I don't have much to add this evening - it's not that I am having concerns about my upcoming surgery - mostly I think Melbourne's icy weather has got to me - I never like cold weather - or maybe I am flying on autopilot -

It seems a lot of people are struggling - and I can only deal with it in small doses - I am aware of my boundaries and limitations though - as do are - and I will drift through the winter with my many upcoming appointments - I don't remember having so many - though the burn on my arm is healing well and it just a few rather dramatic red marks now - most of which are fading - the dressings are over.

I think of you - I hope your father is okay - I hope his pain is being sorted - I hope you are okay about it - that you are better than you were and hopefully - the holidays will give you time to catch up with yourself.

Sending my best thoughts

Mumma Bear

Owlunar