Life can be a Pain

They are great memories to have @Owlunar Today you are celebrating all the love he gave you - maybe you could buy a plant to keep to remember those times and the gifts he gave you.

Hi @Zoe7 @BlueBay

Actually I did buy a plant - I often do for Mothers Day - I had never thought back to that box of sad plants - I'm just having a private little giggle about that memory - never forgotten but not often thought about - like a million memories of a strange little boy who didn't quite get life right

Yes - taking it easy today

Dec

haha @Owlunar we were both on the same page with the plant 👍

Great to have those memories of your son

Hi and thanks @Zoe7 @BlueBay

This was not the easiest photo I ever took - but here's the best pic I could take of my new plant in a terrariam (yes - that's how to spell it - strange word)

I wanted to show how the leaves are bright red underneath but I can't screw my stiff and achey joints around much - but let's see how it comes out - ow wow - better than I thought

Dec

My personal Mother's Day gift

Will come back later to see your image @Owlunar

Dear @Owlunar

I am so glad you were able to cheer yourself up a bit with a yummy hotpot for todays dinner!

I can see that the extent of your shoulder 'deconstruction' (for want of a better word) is more extensive than you had expected. I guess with all the many aches and pains you have, you are used to a fairly high degree of pain as an everyday occurrence. So you probably ignored it over a period of time. Others not as used to painful ailments, would likely have had it seen to much sooner. In short ... you likely have a very high pain threshhold.

I am happy for you that you are having some lovely memories today around your last Mothers day with your son. The loss of a child (or any age) is simply not meant to happen in the normal scheme of things. I am grateful on your behalf that you got to see your daughter yesterday and even got up close and personal, an unexpected treat in these days of COVID-19 social distancing.

I love your attitude Dec and your ability to accept and move on. I wish I could do that. Its certainly something I have great difficulty in doing.

I also love how you can tell a personal story and relate it to others in a 'round about' sort of manner. It is a very effective method of getting others to see things from a different perspective. My clinical psychologist uses this a lot with me. If you can see things, not in a personal way, solutions are often clearer. You know that old thing where you are asked ... if it was "Jane Doe" with this problem ... would you see it the same light ... would you be as critical of her as you are of yourself? The answer is usually no. We tend to be extremely critical of ourselves, and often it is simply wrong. Anyway Dec ... sorry ... now its me who is rambling. I just wanted you to know that. You make me see things from the perspective of another, which I can then relate back to myself. Mostly, I can be a little kinder and more understanding of myself as a result.

I'm glad you were feeling well enough to post again today. It has been nice to read your posts. And the update is appreciated.

Edit ... your picture just came through of your terrarium ... its lovely. A gift to self, and very appropriate. 👍 Try to keep the brown elbows away from it, wont you? 🤣 Hi @BlueBay @Shaz51 @Zoe7 👋

Your appreciative friend,

Sherry 💕🤗🌺

i love the mother`s day plant @Owlunar you brought

sending you lots of hugs

I had a "why me " moment this afternoon

going to replant Lily seeds into the garden and some pots to see if they grow

gave some to mum this morning , but now i need to buy some potting mix for her

hello @Former-Member , @Zoe7 , @BlueBay

Gorgeous terrarium @Owlunar

Sounds absolutely lovely

Hi @Former-Member

I am so physically uncomfortable today I haven't done much except heat the wheat pack and have a couple of coffees but I have been thinking about you and the subject of acceptance. How do I answer that? It's a diffiicult subject - how do I explain it? Perhaps I should tell you a story

Anyone can read it - it really happened and I had a battle coming to terms with it when I was a child - it's about PTSD

I had to have an operation on my ankle when I was three and I remember everything so clearly. I asked my mother why she didn't warn me about what would happen that day and she said she thought I would be scared if she did. I was angry about that for most of my life. Scared - I was worse that scared - and I still wear socks all the time to cover the scar which is tiny compared compared to other scars

I had childhood PTSD from that event and the memories came back to me with flashbacks until I was an adult - It took therapy and a lot of thought and a trip to Canberra to find what I could about my her father. My mother was an unhappy person and no doubt had reason to be - I had to accept what happened - and there were things I didn't remember until her funeral - they are repressed memories - I found I didn't want to carry those memories and that anger around anymore - my mother couldn't help herself and now she had died, And when she died or bitteress, unreal fears and cruelty died with her - I forgave her for myself - not for her - it couldn't affect her in anyway what I did or didn't feel for her - I could only help myself and it took time and didn't happen at once but I eventually managed it

And it was worthwhile - but hard yes. To start - perhaps we can forgive for a minute - we can't examine the situation much in a minute - so maybe after forgiving for a minute we can forgive for longer and gradually longer - until it becomes a habit - and we can accept what happened in the same way - because after all - what else can we do?

I haven't got through life without being groped - and I consider that to be bad behaviour and I didn't give anyone the right to do that - being abused is worse - and I can't imagine how that is but it's the same as verbal and emotional abuse in that nothing an be changed and we are left with personal scars which can heal but will still be there. The person who does things like may never be brought to justice and this is a terrible injustice - but what else can we do? Going though life feeling assaulted to the point that it destroys our pleasure in life is terrible - and too much of a price to pay. So - can we accept it for a minute at a time for a while - and gradually extend that.

I have a lot ot accept about my mother - but why carry her stuff around - and the same goes for my toxic sister - she's forgiven too and she is still walking around but not in my life - we can forgive people but imo we never give them the chance to hurt us again - forgiving doesn't been forgetting, The wrongs done us through life are not to be forgotten - they were terrible and remain so but it is easier when we reach the stage - or age - of letting go

Maybe this comes with age - maybe it comes from self-worth - my mother tried to break my spirit - she had no idea of what she had in her nest - she couldn't take my self-worth though - I don't know why - perhaps I had to be who I am to pass this message on - and if this is true then it is all worthwhile - which is my story

I hope this makes sense because I know how hard it is to accept injustice and wrong-doing but it's worth it when the time comes

Dec