Life can be a Pain

hello @Former-Member

of course you can have a whine.

mothers day is so very overrated same as fathers day, christmas, easter all of the money spinners.

you are not alone with your thoughts about not feeling loved enough or good enough in the eyes of your mother. I have read of so many struggles with parents, siblings, relatives on this site.

I also understand your extreme sadness re your daughter. Words cannot change that. You can possibly try to be kind to yourself and say only nice things about your mother daughter relationship because I know there will be so many. Grieve as you need, let go of some more of your pain. Light a candle, wrap yourself in something cuddly, pat an animal if possible.

The very fact that you are writing down your thoughts is therapeutic.

At my psychologist appointment yesterday, she talked to me about writing a letter to my sister, my mother, my ex, all of the people whom I am angry with for the way they have treated me. She told me to express a feeling in each sentence. Not to censor as noone else will read the letters. The letters of course will not be sent, they will be destroyed.

I bought a book this morning. I will start to do this today to help with my visit to my mum tomorrow.

I love my mum and my mum now tells me that she loves me. It has taken so much of my energy to get my family years ago to hug me. It was like hugging cardboard cutouts initially. Then I worked on over the years telling them repeatedly..love you... love you heaps. Now it comes back to me sometimes.

My mum will be 91 soon and I can see, sense her fear. She is very stoic and controlling. I forgive her now even though I still have anger there so will write the letter to further release this anger. Your relationship with your mother is yours and not the same as mine. You do not have to forgive her if you do not want to. That is not what I am suggesting. I am just stating that I have reached this point and am doing this for me.

Please do not feel that you have failed your children in any way. Have you ever written your daughter a letter telling her all of the joy you shared, how much love you hold for her and how you will always be her mum.

Your sons are happy in their lives you say, you have that which is priceless. Most males are not good at expressing their feelings. Some females are not good at it either. My sister and my mum. I am having a very tearful day today. Sister upset with me again, not speaking to me. I am so over picking up the pieces, mending fences in our family. So I am writing her a letter which will have some pretty intense feelings in and will not be posted.

As for mothers day it is sunday, think of it as another sunday.

sending you a big, warm hug; we can hold each other and we might even find it turns into a group hug as we read of others struggling too.

Hi @Former-Member - I tagged your first Mothers Day message so you should be able to read it and my reply - I end to write essays - but I think I could copy it to here in two or three stages

@Former-Member is right - all of this is a lot of commercialization - and of course there are companies that develop lines esp for these days and people actually live their lives on it - which I can see are jobs that are worthwhile for those who are prepared to work - but for those of us who have bad memories attached to these dates - not at all easy

Anyway is free to post here @Former-Member - Pain has many faces, many causes - and many different ways of hurting

And Mohill - my mother feared death - she hung for 4 years of what must have been hell after Dad died with dignity - and she was ridden with all sorts of behaviour - I do believe she had some kind of dementia - she dropped her bundle - and that has to have been her choice

Dec

Hi everyone

I came and had a look around and I feel totally useless and not able to help anyone

Back later - perhaps a shower would help - I don't feel disastrously lousy - just flat and not able to be useful right now

Dec

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope

Yesterday was a write-off and last night was really tiring - it went on and on - I think I did sleep a bit but it was time to get up before I was ready but I got my medication and went back to bed with the hot-water bottle and wondered if I was getting a cold

I am - hopefully it won't be bad

One thing I have eventually worked down to a sentence and this is

"My mother was the way she was because that was her way in life and she saw no reason to change"

But for some reason she sort of drifted through the haze in my brain because I was feeling off-colour - and I don't give her that right - really

But yes - I did have a flat day - I had a look at the Forums but I knew this wouldn't help anyone and gave it away - and I can't remember what I did really - but the place was untidy this moring - I did not pick up behind myself

But I feel okay now - and that is past - and I can go on but treat the cold yes

I hope your life with WH is not too trying - that is hard work for you - it would drive me silly to be told I was the cause of all of this but it seems here that you understand the issue and have the faith and hope to continue

Tomorrow should be a better day - I will have to go to bed soon

Dec

Hi @outlander

I am definitely a late starter today - I had domestic help at 9.00am and when this lady comes she really works hard and I can stay in bed - but I started to get uncomfortable

After she left I opened my computer but there was someone else at the door - the guy who owns the property next to mine has come in to clear some of the vines that come over the fence from his place

I am starting to feel invaded - definitely time to get dressed but I am edgy about having a shower with someone around

Anyway - back to start the day again

Dec