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Hi @BlueBay@Zoe7@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@oceangirl@TAB@Shaz51@PeppiPatty
I know there are more people I could tag but maybe I will think them up as I go along - actually I already have
I think I need my own thread - mostly my problem is chronic pain syndrome - I damaged my spine with the sporting excesses of my youth - a long time ago now - and I managed to rearrange it when I fell of my pushbike in a wind storm nearly 22 years ago and that seems a long time ago now but there is nothing they can do except treat the pain - and I do have Section 8 medication and I see a pain specialist
And the pain has been worse lately and wears me down and I get fed up and very tired -
I have issues with my mother as well - and although she died 2 years ago I still have bad times now and again - she was abusive and as well as I know myself and her this can get to me at times - and this is another reason I opened my own thread
Then there is TS - my Toxic Sister - she was under my skin for a while but not at the moment
So yesterday I felt so bad when I went to see the doctor about my back pain - and my pain specialist has cut my medication back several times over the last few years and she has gone too far - and I started to tell my doctor - yes - I cope with the pain better since my mother died - but it's driving me crackers atm and so are the memories of my mother
So that's it for now - I have had trouble opening this thread for some reason but now I have - I will run my own story - I would like to think I don't need to but yes - I do
You are all such wonderful supportive people - you are my soft place to land - that is so true
very strange feelings , my friend @outlander, do you like to talk about it
In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
i can @Shaz51
only if you want to though it is on my other thread instead of taking over this one
In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
ok, coming over @outlander xx
In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain
OwlunarSenior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
Hi - it's Friday night and I am settling down but I had to give my daughter bad news late afternoon - and it left me a bit shaken
A mutual friend of my daugher's and mine approached me to let me know about the death of a friend dd use to work with - an older man she was very fond of and has been sending Christmas cards to all these years
So I sent her a text and she rang back - I hated having to tell her that the work-mate - she really respected this man - he was one of nature's gentemen - he died from cancer and his daughter was trying to find my daughter to let her know - and this apparently wasn't easy
It's not the kind of news that can ever be pleasant to pass on - I rang my daughter back this evening but I think they went out for the evening - I guess she will ring me tomorrow - and I know she understands - she had to tell me when our aunt died a few months back
Life just goes on yeah - and then - for someone - it stops
And I feel very unsettled - and I am thinking of taking my grand-daughter away on a cruise in the spring - so I am planning that in my mind
Dec
In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain
OwlunarSenior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
I did not sleep well last night - I kept waking up suddenly - and found I had dropped my book or whatever - usually I don't even notice this - I read myself to sleep most of the time
But it could have been worse - I hope I can get a nap today - or I will go to sleep at the most inconvenient time and not want to eat any dinner
All the best everyone else and please have the best day you can - life has hairpin bends that make us feel sure we have been around this corner before -
Dec
In response to: Life can be a Pain
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
Love your avatar @Owlunar .... 💕
In response to: Life can be a Pain
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
Here for you @Owlunar ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ sitting and squeezing your hand
In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Life can be a Pain
sending you tender hugs my friend @Owlunar
hope you can have a sleep today xx
I kept waking up last night too, kept having the same dream -- it was my mum was back in hospital and My Hubby went in to the MI ward at the hospital , I was going from one side of the hospital to the other visiting both
feeling tired now , I don`t know if i am expecting something to happen or what but wow
Hello @outlander, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member
In response to: Life can be a Pain
Unknown userMember
Re: Life can be a Pain
Hi Dec, Mohill, Shaz51 and everyone @Owlunar, can I have a whine about Mothers Day here? Its one of my life pains. I did post elsewhere but it seems to have got lost. // Today i feel so ugly about my mother (and for how much of a failure I feel as a mum re lost one). I've wrapped a gift for my mum and now while looking for a 'nice' (yet appropriate) picture to text her tomorrow - I feel physically sick! And sad. All the sickly sweet accolades. Though my mother changed my shitty nappies, fed & roofed me, walked me to kindergarden and taught me how to not embarrassed her in public - I have never felt loved by my mum. I could prattle off all the reasons why she's like this - so broken, make excuses for her behaviour, blame MI or her parents... but for a change - this is about me, how I feel (something she never put first, ever). When a mother is as toxic as mine it poisons everything. Its a no win situation for life. For decades doing the christian thing and forgiving her has simply enabled her to mutate and expand her abuse to more sofisticated subtle forms. I am so over her!!! // As a mother myself - grown boys that are doing OK - mothering didn't come natural to me - I fear I was too mechanical for them. They rarely fuss over mothers day (or any day). A daughter might, but God saw fit to only give her to me for 12yrs before giving her wings. Of cause I miss her and feel I failed there, bigtime (don't wanna talk about that). I often apologise to my kids for being a less than perfect parent, mostly single parent (they don't want to hear it). I wish my mum would say sorry once, ha! I was a yeller but her abuse - physical, emotional & psychological... - what shes done to my siblings too - the damage - we all struggle with life, with trust and intimacy and relationships and long term employment and feeling comfe in our own skin... x3 of us have chronic MI requiring periodic public hospitalisations and MH CTOs - it sickens me. Yeah, sure its not all her fault, I know. How did she get away with it so long? My 'father' - he enabled her, I have a love-hate relationship inside me for him too - but not going there today either. Mother's day survival is my immediate need. // today, after ignoring me for two weeks, ma just sent me a tx telling me she fainted at the vet s yesterday and asked me - "what's on the agenda today?" She messes with my head. I don't wanna answer but feel too guilty if I don't. Hate the way she makes me feel, all my life, dont know howcto stop her, its on the inside. // So there - now i've said it, got it out, betrayed my mum, and now I'm crying, and yet feel so angry, all at once, sad, angry, numb and... and I'm a grown up oldie, sucks. Its the intense anger that ignights SI. I hate feeling like this. But i know its a wave, coipled with grief, and learned the intensity will pass, I hope - just need to be heard but hope I haven't burdened or depressed anyone. // on the bright side - i do have a son travelling to stay o/n so I'll try focus on fussing over him today. Thanks for hearing me. I know you understand ❤
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