Life can be a Pain

It's great posting with your too @Appleblossom - I learn a lot from you

And it is always great to have feed back

I love opera too - and the theatre - I have seen a few things - I have always enjoyed seeing productions live

And it is wonderful to have this in common - I seem to find myself somewhere in whatever I see - one was The Trojan Women - and The Medea also Cosi fan Tutti in English - and others less impressive -

And yes @Zoe7 - we have to clean the finger marks off our touch screens - it is harder than just dusting it

Dec

here for you my second mum @Owlunar , sitting with you xoxo

Thanks @Shaz51 - my other daughter

It's wonderful to have someone understanding and know they understand the world of the mind and heart and the helpful language we use in the forum - we "hear" each other's writing and we "sit" with each other and yet I would not really be heard if I spoke to my real daughter - though to be fair - she is a lot more caring than in the past - she is a very practical person

The forum family members are really here for each other

Dec

xoxoxoxoxo @Owlunar

You have had a really busy week so far @Owlunar Hope tomorrow is a rest day for you. I read about you appointment today - some changes and majot things to think about. The loss of your son has had a big impact on your life and it can't hurt having someone to talk that through with. Hydro did wonders for my back so I hope you find it okay for you and it helps with your knee. I am back to the pool next week myself as they will be open all day again and I can get back into a routine again. It has been a big few weeks for you but you are dealing with it all as best you can. I hope you can organise your next trip away to give yourself some much needed time out and can recharge your batteries a bit and feel a little better for it.

Thanks @outlander

I think the medication changes will be okay - I will be sorting this out with my doctor when he gets back next week

And things are changing all the time at the pain clinic - it used to be the case that nothing changed for years - maybe that's why I wasn't given any warning about the change in the doctor

Having something attended to about my knee is a relief - I thought that surgery was the only way to go with the state my knee is in - but there are other things that can put off an operation for longer and I am in favour of that

I never thought to see the psychologist there though - it was never discussed or even suggested

Really - I have been extra tired lately - I still think it's the heat but the idea of something different happening - can feel uneasy but yes - gradually I am feeling positive about it

Dec

Wonderful news @Owlunar That this pain specialist has organised therapy for you. And yes, traumatic grief or traumatic loss - they sound right for what you have and are experiencing.

Here holding your hand. ❤

Hi @Zoe7@outlander@Shaz51@utopia@BlueBay

It was a huge week and yes - I feel as if I have had a bunch of big weeks lately - I slept 8 hours straight through last night - I was so tired I thought I would just go to bed but decided to shower because it is so humid and I felt sweaty - and maybe that helped to sleep so long too

My domestic and shopping lady will be here soon - but it's easy when she is doing my ironing - I can sit and chat with her when she does that - and I do like to do my own shopping - I like to pick things out for myself - it's an outing too though today it might be an effort with this humidity

Seeing another psychologist was not something I planned but this time whoever it is knows I don't want to talk about my mother - I did not like the way the last one was picking around in my brain like the birds eating breadcrumbs off the concrete - as if she was just checking it out to see what she could find - but I really don't hide much from myself so this will be different - I will be talking about the trauma of not just the death but the life of my son - I often wonder if I did enough for him or too much for him - I over-extended myself and I was exhausted when he died. And the last thing I said to him was that I had warned him that this day had come - he had broken the law often and now in a way that could not be ignored - I couldn't help him anymore.

That is a terrible thing to remember but I know this too - it wasn't my choice - he made those choices and although I might and do understand a lot of his reasons - it is still hard.

And I hope I don't have to think about it again today - my helper today laughs at my jokes and we both have a good time and I like getting out of the house to shop too - I enjoy it.

What you say about a routine Zoe is such a good idea - I guess I have a routine now that works but the thought of going out more often feels good and I think I can go to the U3A- they must have something I am interested in because I am interested in so much - and also I thought about learning to sign - I thought about this when my mother was losing her hearing but she was not interested herself and so I never followed that up

There's a lot of good things to do really - and I hope we don't get a lot of fires in Gippsland because I would like to go to Lakes Entrance but still thinking - there is always Tassie - I love Tassie - and when I see pictures of Mount Wellington I feel homesick and there is one photo I have seen on TV often where I can see Wrest Point standing up so clearly I remember the great time I had there with all those diningrooms and cafes and the views and being so close to the estuary - I might just take that option though I think my relatives are too ill for me to visit though I could let them know I will be in Hobart - that does feel like a good idea

Still making plans - but making plans is a great way to live especially when I really can make some of my dreams come true

I am feeling a little tired - a lot tired actually - but I think I have come around a big corner in my life and think things might get better -

Thanks all my dear friends for just being there as well as sending messages and pictures - those are lovely flowers Shaz

Dec

There are many ways of saying thanks

You do sound more positive today @Owlunar That might be a result of a good sleep as well - I imagine the heat and humidity have not been helping there with sleep. It has been quite muggy here at night but meds have certainly help me sleep through most of that.

I know you feel comfortable being in Tassie and Hobart in particular - it is a great option for you to visit even if you can't see your relatives - a few days away here or Lakes Entrance would both be nice options.

The stuff with your son and seeing the psychologist to work through some of that can be completely on your terms Dec - you know yourself really well and have done a lot of questioning yourself about your son so you will not be bringing up anything you haven't already thought of but the psychologist my be able to help you see some things in a different way.

Hope you get all your shopping done today - I need to go out a get a few things also but it is not urgent so can wait until the weekend. Might need to have a sleep now and then get back outside in the garage for a couple of hours.