Life can be a Pain

Hi @Appleblossom

We all have a past and somethings do not always sit well - I heard Kevin Rudd on TV apologizing to those people who were affected by the "Stolen Generations" and I felt he was sincere and although nothing anyone can say can really ease my sorrow about my son being one of them it felt as if someone really care and it did make a difference.

But I also heard the äpology about the Sexual Abuse also and it had no depth - no sincerity - and to me it was empty - I felt hollow after that - you didn't miss anything

And as you say - interesting rather than healing and now the issue is in the public domain and conversation - as is the Me-too movement - people have been quiet too long - maybe there was more to lose than to gain at one time in our history - now people are speaking out and finding what I learned a long time ago - no matter how tough it is to speak out it is harder to live with if we don't - and I hope that coming generations of people stand up more

You speak of a women from the upper echelons on Victorian Australian society and I think of my middle class family and how tough things were for me when I was without their understanding for such a long time in the past - you are right - they don't have a clue - I watched something on TV last night about people who went to private or state schools - which was better? -in many ways I don't care either way - I did well in my life with a state school education but I did a lot of private tutoring and found uni students of both sectors battling at some level with university classes - a lot can be said - basically though - it comes down to the individual - a person wants to work or they do not and First Year University is Hard Reality 101 for nearly everyone

You are your son are working on reality too - and I am glad you have found some help and yes - line crossing happens in the best of situations - my daughter has told me she has always known when she crosses the line because I don't hold back - she's a responsible woman and we get along well but in the pst we have had our moments - I think a lot of what she did in earlier years was acting out because of her troubled brother - and I understand more about that now than I did in the past

You have helped a lot here Apple - this is a place where we can safely share with each other and people are very open and honest here

Dec

Thank you @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander

and @Owlunar

I am taking each day at a time. Last night was lovely and I am able to be light and social at rehearsals now that some of the heavier stuff has been "lifted". I can relax more. Though I am reserved, I am not standoffish. I took prn to get through, but it was the right decision and allowed me to be social.

The opera is good for me on many levels. It is difficult and I have to work hard at it to do all the memory work but that is a blessing. The friendly lady has been good at social stuff. She is a teacher. There are a lot of them there and somehow I have struck good soil.

It has meant a lot that I can talk to you ladies. You each offer different perspectives and that helps. I need to go and drive son. Take Care All

It is great that you are doing something you have a passion for @Appleblossom - that can help the hard days be a little easier despite all that you are dealing with. It seems like you have found a nice group of people also and that also makes it pleasurable. Keep doing what you are and enjoy all those moments - it helps make navigating other things in our lives somewhat bearable. I do love hearing about your singing and the joy it does give you and hope for things in other areas of your life to settle to a manageable level.

@Owlunar I went to the tennis in Melbourne for over ten years - my mum and I used to do two trips a year to Melbourne - one to go to the football and another trip to go to the tennis for a few days. My sister occasionally came as well but that was before we both had fur babies. MY previous cat used to be okay staying at my parents place for a few days but now I have Cat and Toby they wouldn't cope at all with being moved to be looked after. I occasionally look after my sister's dog at my place for a night or two but he spends so much time here that he knows the place really well. She lives only 5 minutes away from me so I call in a couple of times a day to feed her cat and check on her when my sister and her partner are away somewhere. They never go for more than 2 nights though so it is never an imposition to help out.

I expect you will be playing with the graphics on your new computer a bit over the coming weeks - it is fun having a new computer but so many programs, apps, etc. that need to be installed and often the ones that you had do not work with the new operating system - a lot to work out. Touch screens are good but you do need to clean the screens regularly as well.

I hear you about getting older and joints not as they used to be. I am being very careful with my back and so far it has been okay. I will be able to go back to the pool next week and do my exercises so that will show how it is really going. I expect I will be a little stiff after the first couple of times but should get back into it pretty quickly.

We have a few more weeks until school is back but I know some places go back a week earlier than us - not sure about Victoria. I understand you not wanting to be in the crowds and waiting to school goes back to do what you need at the shopping mall - hope your phone lasts that long.

There is quite a few good documentaries on SBS but I haven't watched much lately - except for a lot of sport lol - I do love my sport.

Hope you are out of the heat today where you are - it is warm but not hot here today - a few sprinkles of rain this morning but that passed very quickly - luckily I covered things stacked outside with a tarp last night so they remain dry but expecting more rain tomorrow so need to keep them covered for now. Will sort that all out on the weekend when t is expecting to be dry. Hope you can stay out of the heat in your area over the next few days.

Hugs

Hi @Appleblossom@Zoe7@Shaz51@outlander@utopia@Sophia1@eth

I feel the need to debrief myself - I went to the pain clinic today and saw a different specialist - I didn't know about this - and this was tough though I know well enough to get the best out of whatever happens regardless - and I have -

My pain medication is being changed which is okay because some of it has been planned between me and my GP and the different doctor is clearing me for a drug I would rather take and taking one out - and surprisingly this isn't a problem -

It always gets back to my son - I feel as if I am stuck together with sticky tape and I come apart and I cry and my BP goes up and I shake and feel really vulnerale when I have to explain about him to someone else

She is arranging for me to see a psychologist at the pain clinic because the chances are good no one has ever treated me for traumatic loss - as in a child dying - always bad - add in the sudden death and then the suicide - tripple whammy - bang - I have known that for decades - but as bad as I know it was no one has ever called it a traumatic loss - how did I never think that?

And I told the pain specialist I do not want to talk about my mother except that I had one and it was a tough relationship - so good and bad

Not only that - I am getting to see a hydrotherapist for an interview and then have one-on-one hydro at the centre - I went to hyrdo years ago and I didn't enjoy it at all because I couldn't get on with the therapist and as I have said - I don't like people getting too near me at the shops - it's just as bad in the pool - and this is for my knee - her idea - which I agree with - something non-invasive - I am not physically or emotionally ready for a knee replacement -

I feel delicate and fragile - whatever I stick myself together with dissolves when I cry and I always cry about my son and there is so much inside me that I am sure will never go away - but I feel as if I was side-swiped today

Thanks everyone - I will be okay - I guess I am still getting over the last few weeks

Dec

Thinking you of @Owlunar sending hugs ❤️❤️

sending you tender hugs my second mum @Owlunar xoxoxoxoxo

Hi @Zoe7

I looked up school holidays here and the kids go back on 29th January - nearly two weeks so its time tó make up my mind about going away and this will get myself into proper working order - it's time I got proactive with my life - it's the only one I have after all

Pets are so wonderful and I really miss mine but they do tie us down which was okay with me while I had Companion Cat - and you and your sister have it all worked out with your animal-family - personally I had reached the stage where getting down on the floor to clear or empty the litter tray was physically too hard but I am getting some therapy for my knee which might be good for my back too -

I used to go to the cricket everyone Boxing Day - I would get there early and not leave my seat all day - holding on - you know - not drinking any more than a small thermos flask - and I really enjoyed being there

I like the docos on SBS and good movies best on TV - and of course - Star Trek TNG and Voyager -

I'm still feeling a bit fragile but gradually getting myself together - I have crumbed fish cutlets for dinner and can just cook my frozen vegies - I have had a really busy week and - yes - it is already Thursday

Dec

Thanks @BlueBay and @Shaz51

wonderful comments ladiesDec

Thanks @outlander

Yes - that was a big session - it could have been confronting having had no warning about a new/different doctor - but she took me seriously and let me decide what medication to change - I had already thought about most of it anyway

But yes - I was in her office for a long time and I had waited for a long time - I left home around 1.30 pm and went to see my doctor afterwards and got home just before 5.00 pm and it has been a big day and a busy week

Dec