Life can be a Pain

Thanks @Owlunar

I have made a new friend at the opera, who went up to Canberra for the apology. We have spoken a little about it. Her, more than I. For me the main "benefit" has been putting my father's mental health diagnosis into context as a response to his neglect and sexual abuse trauma. That it was also sexual abuse and not just physical abuse, makes sense with all the different confusions around sexuality in the family. The tangible benefit is that I have some free counselling with my son, but it might be too little too late, its mostly a matter of making the best of a bad situation.

My legal people are saying I have the best case suing the govt for returning me to my parents than anything else, so that is a bit to take in. I doubt I will pursue that.

Good to see you, but sorry I am a bit flat atm.

Take Care

Hi @Appleblossom

I am glad you got that inner smile -

I did try and use the app on my tv and sent a few really bad messages - and I don't think the tv app is the best use if my time and the stress on my arthritis and it really used up the batteries in my remote but at least people knew I was okay

I am getting used to the smaller keyboard - travelling with a smaller computer will be easier - I am not getting any more agile in my old age and fishing a full-sized laptop in and out of my bag at security has to be easier

The fires are a long way from Melbourne but I am sure there will be more - so much rain and then so much heat causes an overgrowth of fuel - I have a back garden full if triffids - remember the triffids? - and I can easily imagine it all being a much bigger problem in our forests and mountains

It must be so scary living in bush fire country though I have had some experience - when I lived north of the city as a child there were severe grass fires at times -

Sending my best thoughts Apple

Dec

I have noticed you have not been here much @Appleblossom and when you have I do sense that sorrow in your words. I am really sorry that you are feeling flat and that things with your son are still weighing upon you so much. I do wish life was much better for you and I am sending you all my love and hugs to you right now. It must be so tough living with your son right now and I really feel for you. We are here for you when you need Hon - just tag me anytime Apple 💐💜💙💚🧡💛

I understand feeling flat @Appleblossom - I have felt a lot of that lately - no energy - and finding it really hard to get things done -

It does wear off - it takes time I guess

I am glad your son is getting some free help but yes - too little too late and making the best of it - and after all you have put into it

So you went to hear them say "Sorry" which I heard on TV and didn't think it sounded all the sincere - but what else can someone say when they are just the speaker? And you can sue the Government - ah - after all of that - I ask delicately - would it be worth that much to go through so much again

It is so tough - and I really care

Dec

@Owlunar I can understand why you would want to stay where you are. You have all the services you need on hand and your life has been built around where you live and you like your house so that is a bonus. Sometimes the allure of moving somewhere warming for the winter months can see a good idea but then the reality sets in when we realise that we actually like living where we do.

I have been to the GP, hardware store, supermarket and chemist. My next job is to begin putting up the shelves - going to head out very soon and begin that. There are a couple of things I need to do in the garage before I can put those up but they won't take long - then I will head inside for lunch before I leave for my pdoc appointment. When I return I will start sorting things out and placing them on the shelves. It is going to be a big job still but I should be able to get everything back into the shed that I need to today.

I will no doubt watch some of the tennis today as well - I love to follow most of the Australian and they are doing well so far after the first round - we have a couple that could go quite deep in the draw this year if everything falls in to place for them and they play as well as they have shown they can. Looking forward to watching a couple of those games today.

Maybe next year I will be able to get back to Melbourne for a visit and to go the the tennis again - definitely feeling much able to deal with the crowds now. Just need to work on being away from Toby and Cat for more than a day at a time - that one is harder to deal with for me than for them

Dear

@Owlunar and @Zoe7 and @outlander and @Shaz51

Thanks for your help, understanding, emoticons and taggings over the years. Among the many little things that have kept me here.

No @Owlunar I did not go to the Apology. I did not have spare cash, and was not offered any assistance by support groups. At the time there were far too many appointments and issues to manage re my son and his past legal problem. At least it did get managed. I was not that bothered to repeat an apology where I already went few years ago to the vIC State LIBRARY. It was interesting rather than healing, but still it showed that it has entered the public domain and conversation.

I met a lady from the opera who could empathise a little about some of my life stories ... SHE went to the apology. However her parents believed and supported her and the were an upper echelon Victorian Australian family. So there will be a million things she does not have a clue about, but at the moment she is being "nice". In a way the friendship is predicated on my old uni style, as in I have a skill and help do the homework, maths, or in this case playing the piano and do a lot of listening. I suggested she contact SANO a police task force investigating institutional sex abuse, which was relevant to her, tho not to me. My documents only show so much.

My son has agreed to have house meeting and cook dinner, with me doing dishes, and bins. I have been gardening and organising stuff regarding water ... high bills and plumbing.

However he has crossed some lines on the emotional side ... which we both need to process.

I am not sure what will happen this year. I will work from the ground up. I got a start on tidying up garden, and using supplies and my divide and propagate approach. It may be no accident that I was more familiar with concepts re "propagation of the faith" rather than much practical gardening ... or anything ... really ... most things I have done a lot of figuring out myself... reading, asking epople and learning.

Need to do music now and busy til late tonight.

I do hope you and your son can work through some of the emotional stuff @Appleblossom. I know some things said are hard to work through and I can only imagine how hard those things are when they come from your own son. I don't have any experience or advice in that area but I am sending you love and hugs and a listening ear (eyes) when you need it. None of this is easy for you to have to work through but hoping having us here - and the lady from the opera - to vent and confide in helps a little.

Hugs and hugs and hugs Apple

hugs @Appleblossom

Hello @Zoe7, @outlander @Owlunar

Hi @Zoe7

Yes - I am settled here - and every winter I think about moving to a warmer house but here the rent is controlled and it's quiet and clean with a pleasant garden and I am near shops and my doctor and have the services I need and I am not likely to be so lucky if I moved. And I need the services.

It sounds as if you have been very busy - and putting up shelves too - I need to get my son-in-law to do that sort of thing for me though I would have done it in the past - orthopaedic issues seem to be my problems of choice - I would rather have the devil I know but there are so many things I can't do now - my joints are stiffening up as the years add up - but there are worse things - things I am glad I don't have and hope I never have to think about

I started this week off being busy - I went out and bought a computer and then went to see the doctor on Monday and then on Tuesday I saw the podiatrrist and then picked up my computer and today I have the pain specialist and I know why I am reluctant to go out at times - I have spent so much on taxis this week and it hasn't finished yet and my phone is dying an agonizing death - hardly any apps work - I will be going up to the Telstra shop when school goes back which has to be in a couple of weeks - the shopping mall is too crowded to go there atm and I do enjoy shopping when I get there - but not the crowds

It's good you like watching sport on TV - there is so much of it on right now - I used to compete - sprinting and cricket - and watching it on TV doesn't inspire me - I seem to need the crowds and the yelling and the whole environment of the event - or when I ran or went in to bat I felt the adrenaline - and I miss that - but I have a lot of historical TV from SBS recorded and that's interesting - I don't remember reading much about European History at school but there is plenty on SBS

It would be great to get to Melbourne to watch the tennis though - it's so much fun to be there - I saw the Davis Cup with a friend a long time ago - I did so much a long time ago I stored so many memories to enjoy and I still enjoy them

And this new computer has a touch screen and 3D images I can play about with - I haven't had a touch screen on a computer before and never had so many finger marks to clean off either but it was fun - I saved one - I am wondering if I can post it - I will try

Ah no - I can't - I need to get another app for that and I just think I will because there is so much I can so with the 3D material - I will keep it a surprise because I sure thought it was great when I found it

And finger marks come of screens - I love the touch screen

All the best Zoe

Dec