Life can be a Pain

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@Former-Memberwrote:
Thanks guys, appreciate it (one of my weaknesses - needing validation. Then again, we are all connected.

@Owlunar@, its just that time of year - gonna have to 'cut ourselves some slack' & you have taught me much about that. Thank you. Bad sciatica kicked in yesterday, don't know why, stockwd up on all the analgesic last night, rembering you @these times inspires me. Thanks ❤

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I get it @Former-Member

I know there are times when you needd validation - if fact - I do too - maybe everyone does - we all live in this culture - I call the spreading suburbs of Melbourne and Sydney as the "Suburban Wilderness" - we can be very much alone here and where I live the population density is increasing at an exponential rate - they pull down houses and build blocks of units and nearer the beach and the centre of the suburb it is really dense - I used to live in an upstairs unit and I could see a long way out of my windows or from the balcony - now there are more units and I am glad I have moved away - it is really crowded down there now and therefore - it has to be noisy

So if you are feeling a bit lost Lapses - just post - obviously from the messages people understand - I certainly do

And yeah - this time of year we both have it in abundance - this year I have had a lot of new things happening and found it overwhelming at times but feel better today - I slept for a long time - really late this morning - and I still think about my son being in Juvey but it is not a thing to bother me atm - perhaps I have found a box to put that one in for now - though as we get into winter it may be more difficult

The days are getting shorter Lapses - and in Sydney I found the sun rises and sets earlier than it does in Melbourne - so yeah - I felt a bit odd in Sydney last August - I was used to the sun setting about half and hour and walking back to my hotel from Darling Harbour I really noticed the difference

But winters in Sydney are different - really pleasant compared with Melbourne

We will hold onto each other Lapses - I do not always come in to post - but I am not going away either

Sending hugs

Dec

Hi @Faith-and-Hope@utopia@Appleblossom@Sophia1

Anyone else affected by war-trauma

My mother's father returned from France and the Middle East in WW1 with war-related TB and passed it to my mother's older sibling - they both died from it

My mother's mother was a very bitter woman - she did not turn it toward me but I did a lot of investigation into what might have affected my mother - I did this after she died - and I realised what I had heard as a child myself was my mother hearing her father bad-mouthing her father all her life - and I can see this is one reason my mother was so harsh toward my younger sibling and I.

We were born during WW2 and my mother could not cope with it - Dad was in an essential industry and worked 13 hour fortnights so he was away most of the time and so no one knew about my mother's behaviour and we were little kids and had no idea what it was all about - even that it was wrong I guess

I had not thought about it until we started discussing this - war-trauma is past down through generations and I think we all have our stories - they vary and they hurt - but whatever he inherit is our story

I'm sorry your Dad died that way Apple and also Utopia - I remember hearing and reading a lot about the bad press toward the Vietnam vets - and this is so unreasonable - no one wants to go to a war if they are old enough to know better - and even so - no one wanted this war -

I am really unhappy for people who have suffered war-trauma - thinking back to what my grandmother used to say about it in our presence - she had it - my mother had it - and passed it down to us -

And there must be millions of stories and I am glad people have the chance now to talk about this

Dec

@utopia

That would be unstandable - I can imagine someone joining the army and going to war to getting away from a toxic home life

One of the things I did to stay away from home as much as possible was join the army reserve - and my brother did the same thing

Maybe one or both of my grandfather's did the same thing - I will never know

I saw a programme on SBS about Germany - Europe actually - after the war and it was a total shambles - I knew this was the case but I have not seen anything so graphic

Aw sis - I am sorry

Dec

@utopia@Appleblossom@Faith-and-Hope@Sophia1@Former-Member@outlander@Zoe7

I'm just checking in - my daughter had her operation and she is at home tonight - I don't know if she had one or both ovaries out but still - it is amazing that she doesn't even stay over-night for pain management after having an organ removed - I know they say it's about MRSA and that's a good point - but MRSA isn't isolated to hospitals

I guess this has knocked me around a bit - I have been feeling like the guy who was cursed by the gods and forced to push a huge rock up the side of a mountain only to have it roll back down again - I feel really tired today and I slept in - I slept well.

And tonight - feeling very relieved about my daughter - I am finding it hard to focus on what I am reading so I don't know if I will post much -

And Lapses - I have stopped going to church - I still have my faith and would stick with my demonination - I did not think of why I stopped for years but I have found the reason through the past few months

Also - would we imagine for a moment that a registered letter would be delivered promptly - think again - I am not blaming the Post Office but a week after sending a registered letter it is still in the system - sure it had to re-directed because it was sent to a particular person - it was of a private nature - and there was a public holiday

so that was Monday - we get one in every week

I hope people had the best day possible

Dec

Hi @Owlunar, sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you, only doing quick posts for a bit there. Glad your daughter is home in her own bed recovering. Hope she hasIpractical suppirt. I'm guessing she had keyhole surgery, to be released so soon, but she'll probably still have tummy pains a while, hopefully she'll have post op check soon. That MRS bug is nasty and unfortunately concentrated / colonised in a lot of hospital water pipes. With so many people coming & going, and open wounds, it is a higher risk there.

But of cause you're worried about her, we never stop being a mum. And especially when we've lost one, and this is our last child left - oh how i understand this anxiety. Losing one almost killed us, the hint of losing all is, well, it would be more than i think i'd care to live through again... Its hard not to go there.

Of cause you're not cursed by God (you know this), but i understand how you would feel like it these days, being / feeling
"forced to push a huge rock up the side of a mountain only to have it roll back down again - I feel really" 😩

Glad you slept in today though, & slept well last night, it helps.

I stop 'churching' on & off over the years, for various reasons. I think our experience has made us deep people who have little tolerance for superficial carry-on (to put it simply), would you say the same? I don't know, God knows. One thing i've learned being in Sydney - I gotta get out of that small town back home. And, my 'family' are as unsupportive as they've ever been. There really is very little left for me here but my duty to honour dad. And mum's legacy & maybe get bro-3 & 4 on a better recovery path of some sort, or just show love while i'm here.

Gotta run, hugzz Dec xox

Hey, back again to edit those typos (grr)

Found this pic i cant think who else to share it with. It is for me the best imagery to describe how i felt for so long after my girl died. Burning / mined out from the inside through.

Hi @Former-Member

I don't feel cursed by God but rather feel like the guy -Sisyphus - who was cursed by the Greek and/or Roman gods to push the rock up the hill over and over again - big difference - and I only feel like him - it is just like I have the same stuff over and over again - but it is only a feeling -

Which is great - I know the difference - but it was not obvious about what I meant

That MRSA bug is everywhere - people get it in hospitals because they have open wounds - and it seems to me we pay a huge amount in for Private Insurance - it would be good if people have had surgery to have better pain management than they would be able to get at home. When I had my knee operated on last year I was in over-night because I live alone - and that was far better esp I did soak the bandage and I was given more tablets than I would take at home -

You are right - our remaining kid/s are more valuable when we have lost one - they may not like being special - but they are and we are entitled to our feelings whatever they are

Churching - I kinda like that - I have been to the Cathedral with my special rellies when they were in better health and they were in Melbourne - we could go out to dinner too - they know the best places to eat - I miss all of that - they have been so kind to me over the years and now I haven't been able to get in touch with them to find out how they are - now my daughter has had her operation I might try again - I understand about people needing to be private

This morning I sent my daughter those flowers I have been wanting to - there wasn't a great selection but I think what I have ordered will be beautiful - mostly gerberas - and they are in a vase so she doesn't have to fuss arranging them - she is okay this morning - a bit sore of course - it's a month since the first operation

These are gerberas - I could post what I sent I guess but my computer is a bit flaky

I have forgotten what you wrote - I seem to have mixed myself up today - never mind that is normal -

Today I need to take my computer to the store and have the security updated - I haven't received any updates lately and wonder if this is something I have to bother the software company about because I am sure it is not two years yet

I would rather stay at home but I need to get outside in the sun for a while - it's a lovely day today

Dec

Hard work yeah - this is a pic of Sisyphus - I have been feelling like this guy lately

Hi @Owlunar Glad your daughter has come through the surgery and I hope they are sending good nursing follow up care at home. Not even a full day in hospital because of fear of the dreaded staph!

The myth of SIsyphus is such a sad sufffering story. Somehow you need to let another person roll that ball Dec.

With repetition of emotions and patterns, I prefer Celtic concepts.

Not sure if any of you have watched The Handmaiden on SBS, but that jangled my emotions around a lot.

Hi @Appleblossom

Thanks for your thoughts

My life was a perfect storm for a short while - everything happening and now I need to find out about my relatives but also feel I need to take more time to myself first - I might be tempted to go to Tassie before I have recovered myself

I had to pick up my computer this morning - do I ever miss it when it is away for a short time - and I sent my daughter flowers yesterday and this was followed by a phone conversation - she feels better than she has for ages though she is sore - four stitches

I love the Celtic stories also - I love the pic you posted - I am trying to think of a Celtic story right now - perhaps Merlin who was sometimes right and sometimes wrong felt like I do now at the end before Nimue trapped him - or he chose to be trapped

I have been fascinated by Merlin since I was a child - I have never been able to work out if he was a good guy or not and think after all this time that he was like the rest of us - brilliant but over-thinking sometimes - we can only do what we do when we are trying our best

So that fits - I had a run of painful orthopaedic issues capped off with getting used to BP Medication and all my ill relatives - mostly my daughter - and I will give myself time to recover before I get on with other issues in my family -

I have the feeling I am repeating myself -

Dec