Life can be a Pain

@Owlunar@outlander@Former-Member@Appleblossom

Hi all wondeful and kind people

Pain Is so horrific and relentless. It makes us desperately need our safe places, burrows and my doona is my friend. Mine is dental so sometimes I cannot eat, I have been through this now for for such a long time: from the age of eight. Abscess and more over and over. Now I have survived the removal of 5 teeth in one go and the Immediate teeth replication of a dental plate. I am now 2 months in and so want this to be over. I regret the extraction of my real teeth even though they were hideous. I tolerate the plate, because I have to. It hurts so badly, the ulcers and gum pressure are constant. The cost has been devasting also, However I am a counslling therapist and need to be presentable.

I am know fully aware of chronic pain as a result, before this I could just ignore it as much as possible. Now it has taken over my life.

I feel for you all.

Regards Bastless and Odin

@Bast

@Owlunar@outlander@Former-Member

Hi Dec

Just love your Easter Owls, reminds me of my own journey post, The owl and the p....cat. I have significant experience in aged care (this term is inherently offensive) who is it really for? Families to lessen their obligations, subjection to a regime, preparation for residential care and above all loss of personal growth. I also note that you are caring for your daughter.

All the people that I have worked with, simply want to remain independently at home. Services are pathetic unless you are preprared to fit into the right boxes. All that is often needed is the basics - garden and lawn maintenance. Services are actually available through volunteer groups such as Rotary.

Social isolation is just one of the tickboxes - most providers have realistically no idea what this means. Off to aged services groups you go, fantastic stuff - mind dulling at best: enjoy bingo, carpet bowls, crafts (basic) and other stimulating activites, as a reward you might also receive a soggy lunch, prepared to avoid choking. So Yum.

Hold onto yourself and your dreams - we need you.

With lotsa luv

Bastless and Odin

@Former-Member

Hi Lapses, what a wonderful post to receive.I actually believe that you know I fully understand. It is so demanding to care for a Fa that you may have seen at his best, now dependent and ultimately reliant upon you.

Please allow yourself to both laugh and cry as caring is the hardest role any person can ever undertake. Being there 24/7, alert to signals and concerns is so incredibly demanding and exhausting. The carer role often means the loss of care for the self. This is definitely not OK. Self care and self compassion for you are essential - Caring for you first (priority) will ensure that you can care for your Fa minimising damage for both yourself and Fa. In my professional practice, this is frequently a difficult therapeutic notion for carer's to come to terms with, however it is essential. Self care first otherwise what will happen for the person being cared for?

As for the dental issues. It has been over years since I could really enjoy nuts - Almonds, brazils, walnuts and of course peanuts. I so know what this is like also. I have no upper molars so still have to eat slowly, carefully and strangely. The plate has actually made it harder to compensate, I saved for years by ignoring the pain of dental infections, until I experienced the delights of first one than another literally falling out. I still have them - why? I would just love to munch my way through a corn cob, handfuls of nuts and eat like a normal person. Currently I am so self conscious of my weird eating style and the pain this involves I prefer to eat alone. No yummy nuts for me until I can find the $$$ for the next round. I recognise that I am now stuck in a hard place as the super expensive bottom plate will wear rapidly without the addition of top teeth. And I so miss munching on nuts.

Regards and thank you

Bastless and Odin

Hi @Bast@Former-Member

What to talke about first? Maybe a few posts will do it best

Great to see you here Bast - yes - I am the owl and the puddy-tat lady - I have chronic pain and a daughter I love who is very precious. As much as I care for her she is married and lives with her husband - and after several years they are enjoying life together since all the children have now left home.

But yes - my daughter is having day-surgery tomorrow - and I live by myself with Companion Cat who is definitely getting her claws clipped this week - it's time for her regular weigh in too - so yes - she is a very thin little cat with masses of fur that hide her Royal Tinyness - but those claws are getting painful for me

Okay - My Aged Care - thinking about it - yes - it is insulting and I have had it up to here with them - and having been accepted and getting near the top of the list I am staying out for a year while my current provider is still providing - and thinking pretty well I am lucky enough not to depend on the new version - I am fed up and it seems that it's not good for anyone and I guess I am wating to hear what happens with the May Budget.

My case-worker will not get off my back about it and I have a strange idea that I am in control of my own life even though I am physically not able to do tough chores. There is something really strange in other people's heads though - eg - because I am older some people seem to think my mind has gone a bit rusty - my regulars are fine but I wonder a whole lot why everyone asks if I have my keys when we go out for shopping - D'uh - of course.

Enough whinging about that though. I am glad I have had a package all these years because no way to I want my daughter to feel she has to care for me - when I injured my spine she was a new mother with 4 step-children - how the years have passed - and I don't think it's her place to care for me - she has her own life and does my garden and cares for Companion Cat when I take a few days off -

But things feel very uncertain when it comes to My Aged Care - at least I have a year to think about it - on not think about it - enough again

Teeth - we all have a story but a lot of it is based in regular care and the cost of that is prohitive - I have been lucky to have a very kind dentist and he's a good dentist - he has allowed me to pay my account off at little each month until I was able to pay the whole account when I was able - now I have partial upper and lower partials - and they are excellent - I am so lucky to have this dentist

We all have different stories and mine is that I have a really bad bite to begin with - and when I was about 3 I fell into the bath and smashed my face into the bottom of it and chipped to pieces of enamal out of the bath but worse than that - as well as klling the nerve in one of my baby teeth by permanent teeth were damaged in my jaw and I had trouble with my front teeth until they broke off at the gum line - and that and the bad bite tortured my teeth through time - along with the stresses of my life causing tooth grinding.

I forgot who wrote what about their teeth now but tooth-ache - ah sheesh - I think I know why it is about the worst pain people can get - but yeah - the tooth ache I had over the last long weekend was so bad byu the time the world came back to life on the Tuesday I was ready to prize the dentist's door open with my finger nails - bad teeth is something I have not had - fillings yes - but not decay like that - I can't imagine the pain except for the toothache I had last month

Public dentists must vary but I would not like anyone to fall into the hands of them - and private dentists do cost a fortune - I am sorrry you girls are battling with them - and yes - it does cost a lot of money to get good partials - and sorry to say so but eating somethings is harder because they are not natural teeth -

I think I will leave off there and re-read the posts because I am sure I have forgotten something

All the best possible today

Dec

Hi @Former-Member

Long weekends and self-care - yes - I knew I couldn't answer all the issues in one post - I would forget things

Self-care is absolutely necessary - I know you felt let down and bad cause you couldn't take your Dad out yesterday - but caring for his safety-first and your safety-first is a big deal - and driving with new pain-killers is something to think seriously about.

I gave up driving because of my medication and I was taking a lot more then - and in the case of an accident now they have drug-screening so yeah - something serious to think about before you get behind the wheel of your car - yes - I know how hard this is and what a disappointing decision to need to either take the pain medication or not - one meaning you will have to say "No" and the other meaning you will have a crappy time and make your pain worse

But my weekend was okay - I actually enjoy being here alone - my backache is worse today but that's okay - oh golly - it's only Monday - still holidays - I hardly care it is so good to have nothing to do except what pleases me - and long weekends mean short and busy cluttered weeks with shift-changes in council help and I could squeak loudly at all of that so let's not start

But anniversaries - I would have had my 52 wedding anniversary - or should I say I was married 52 years ago - of course it was not Easter that year - but still - although it didn't jump into my head much I did feel sad that it all fell apart and think I know why. As things turned out it was the best thing I could have done with the loss of our son changing things so much - a lot of marriages break down with the death of a child - and our marriage was mostly sad. We lost our way together and both sought different paths through life and in the long run - I am better off.

But still -

And I forget the date my son went into prison - it could be today - I would have to think really hard but it doesn't matter. It's sad thinking about it and how I wish things had not worked out that way. I can choose to think that way for a moment here and there but then - I was talking about him with someone last week and I remembered how curious and intelligent my son was - in that way he thought a lot like me - as if there was not enough time to learn everything and how true - he has so little time. But we all make our own choices and he made his and I have chosen to make the best of my own time

Thanks for asking Lapses - you have yours too - how was the long weekend for you

You said you hadn't thought your sibs might be jealous but now think they are - they are a weird mob and having two brothers is MI is mighty tough - but your depression and grief are not the same as what they have - and no need to ever think you are less of a person when your depression is probably a lot of grief. None of them know that -

And your life has had a lot of changes lately too - as well as having your Mum die and working harder than you are used to to care for your Dad is another change and you have those sibs around - I guess there is as feeling of being unsettled and wondering a lot about what's next - it seems your Dad wants to stay in this home for his life and I understand that -

So I think about you - I care about you

How have the holidays been for you

Dec

Hi @Owlunar @Bast

I guess I am lucky I can eat nuts and have finally convinced son that are good to include in diet.

@Former-Member You have certainly had a big few months. Be kind to self as well as others.