Life can be a Pain

hi @Owlunar

oh dear dont you hate when that happens! i hope that lecture was worth it!

your upbringing was really rough and its no wonder it would be affecting you now, and thats ok. any abuse or rough upbringings can still affect us yrs later but we can learn to manage those which is what youve been doing and well youve been doing really well with it. a few hiccups in the road are bound to happen so this is one of them and in time i think your sisters and families treatment of you will slowly start ot affect you less and youll be able to cope better once again.

i think its great you journal even on a word documents. that how i journal too as its my only safe place to do it. if it helps then keep doing it.

im glad the medicla field has advanced these days, make for more effective and less painful treatments so i hope everything goes well for you on wednesday and the pain oesnt make your life any more trouble. hopefully with this injection and you walking better youll start to feel better as well.

i actually had some good news today, my pop has been cleared of any troubles with his pancreas, the lump has actually gone and the lump on his lung is just scar tissue from pneumonia a while ago. so theres nothing to worry about now. also i have a new thread called rough times if your wondering where ive gotten too but yes caring can be a rough gig for sure.

i am glad your feeling better and your up for some posting. its good to see you when your hear :hear:

sending you lots of hugs @Owlunar

Hi @utopia

We have had a lot of humidity in Melbourne this summer - and some heavy rain events (HREs) but this evening I think it was a shower

Just checked - I went outside - it was a shower and it's very hot and heavy and humid outside and there is lightning about - whew

The object of seeing this therapist is about my sister - and I wrote a lot into my Word Pad last night and I have to do this for homework until next week - she said this is an acute event and important because seeing my aging uncle is so important to me and I have been a much healthier person not being around my sister - but ah yes - she is one narky woman and I think the thing to write is about why she is this way - the bottom line being she has been competing with me but I have never been competing with her -

And I give her the last word - that is a very powerful way to get under someone's skin but I guess it has never been a way to patch it up - I don't think that will ever happen.

But the therapy will work - I feel sure about that - therapy works well for me

I am glad I am having this injection - atm - Wednesday morning

That is so great your son when to Nepal - this will be a life-experience for him and I bet you are looking for him and hearing about his trip - this is a good thing

I hope this change in medication helps - do you feel your depression is worse than your anxiety? Depression is hard to get through I know - but anxiety can screw me up at times but I know what's causing it

I told my therapist that I thought my story could be over-powering - not something I am anxious to share much about but yesterday I shared a lot with her - this is one reason I feel happier alone - I have had so much happen in my life I don't want to talk about - I smile at people a lot and they respond by being pleasant - I keep the dark things to myself though I tell some people somethings

I hope I don't overcome this therapist - mmm - yeah - but this is what she is there for and I did ask her if it was too much and she said not

I hope you are okay Utopia - I know it's not easy for you and you are in my thoughts

Dec

Hi @Shaz51

Your one little partial kidney is doing such a hard job cleansing and detoxing your body - I think you have to limit your proteins as well as put up with the arthritis and other issues with the toxic build up of creatines

When I was a child I had a friend who had congenital rubella - we were good friends until my parents moved and took us with them without our consent as parents will and I often wonder what happened to her and only just thought that the effects I could see were one thing - what was not visible until this moment.

It's probably a struggle for your body to manage with such a small kidney cleaning your blood but better than dyalisis which is a huge commitment and something I don't really know about - I really hope you can continue - your life seems to be a constant battle and then your husband has anxiety and deals with it by going to bed - I understand but still it seems really hard on you.

It has to be tough though when you have so many physical issues and Mr Shaz is so unhappy and confused and it seems to me he really cannot cope with stress. I mean - we all battle with stress in lots of ways but really he can't manage and I am sorry about that for both of you.

Yesterday I was busy all day - I had the ultrasound then assisted shopping with a really friendly person and a visit to my GP late in the afternoon when I learned the name of my hip disorder - I felt tired and went to bed before midnight - good idea - but the pain in my hip disturbed me during the night - aw - I could do without this - and I have - ah -- this is me counting - 5 sleeps to go before the injection. Having a public holiday in the middle of all of this is adding to the pain - let's hope there is a cancellation

I hope today is okay for you - it's Australia Day. I was born in Australia and I have never gone overseas but having recent British ancestors gives me the idea that I am more British than Australian. Dad and his parents had a big influence on my life and I even had a sort of English accent when I was growing up

But it is Australia Day - let's see if I can find a suitable pic

Dec

Oh yes - of course - how Ocker can I be

Hi @outlander

I had to get off the computer last night - we had a huge and noisy thunderstorm with lots of lightning and really heavy rain - apart from looking at the radar for local storms which were really intense - I went off-line for the night

I'm so glad your Pop is okay and that things were not as serious as it seemed - he's about my age and could go on for a long time yet and this gives you time to sort your life out - I have a lot of faith in you

You are right that abuse when we are children has an affect on us - actually I think that I was loved by enough people so as much as my mother's physical then emotional abuse was horrible I learned what not to be and years and years ago I was chatting with my sister and she seemed to me to be 2 dimensional and shallow and I don't think she has changed much - it's must be impossible to improve if someone thinks they are perfect and she seems to be in that category -

And the bottom line with a couple of days journalling - I really don't want to know her. The idea is to reach around and about to my cousins and to start my facebook again to keep in touch with my cousins more and to ring my other uncle because although he is reclusive - as I am - he is aging too and it seems a good idea to start acting as if my sister isn't there - my father's family has always been kind toward me and they are dropping off the tree now which is a great pity but natural -

We all have longevity on our side - I expect to live for a long time yet

So I had wondered where you were posting - new thread - Rough Times - I will get there before my battery goes flat and I have to get up. If I am posting I am definitely feeling better and yes - great news about your Pop - I daresay you will feel better now as well

So I will catch up with you

Dec

Hi @utopia

I had to get off-line last night - that "shower" turned into a major thunderstorm with lots of ligtning and heavy rain - I wonder if you got that in the Central Victoria last night

My new therapist is a really kind person - I don't want to overwhelm her with my story which is huge - we are working on my sister and my other rellies and writing here I am getting to see I can do without my sister and re-establish my contacts with my elderly rellies and my cousins independently

It's actually really hard for me to do this - maybe it is for everyone and that's why we are here telling our stories to people who really care

I take pain medication - I never had much psyche stuff because the doctor I had thought I needed to manage my son without it - I needed to be on the ball - but he did put me into the Melbourne Clinic for a few days and sedate me so I could go home and deal with it until the next burnout with migraine - those were bad days

So I really don't know what it is like not to feel things - I seemed to feel too much and when it comes to grief - wow - we have to feel that - we can't escape it - I do remember that

I hope you can learn to manage anxiety on your own - I know why I feel the things they ask on those forms - I know why I get really tired at times and why I feel dejected - anxious - tense - whatever it is

But weight gain from medication - I don't know if it was my schedule 8 medication that caused me to gain some weight - weight I am not unhappy about - I was too far underweight and it is hard to put weight on to - but still - here I am a dress size larger and I think that the medication I take slows me down

But I am losing some of it - not really trying it's just happening

I care about your weight though - because it bothers you. I hope the doctors that prescribe this kind of medication don't get on your back about your weight - that would be really painful

Thinking of you Utopia

Dec

thank you for your message @Owlunar

I forgot about my congenital rubella syndrone and yes I have to cut back on protein, salt and sugar and other things , I am learning more to help me , it is hard at times as Mr shaz wants other things , so if it is here , I want some too and then I pay for it

I have to remind myself that the kidney specialist is happy with the way the kidney is and i have checkups every 6 months , wondering if I am experiencing anxiety with everything that is going on

I always have to remind myself how far Mr shaz has come in the past 10 years , he is a lot better than he was , or I have made it better for him over time and sometimes forget ME

after your big day yesterday , a nice big peaceful sleep would of being nice for you , sending you hugs and hope you can rest today