Life can be a Pain

Hi @Former-Member@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@outlander

Lapses - I know your daughter would have had her 20th birthday in the last week - I have been thinking of you but feel lost myself right now - one reason is my son would have been turning 48 in a couple of days and I feel strange and lost and I think I have this twice a year and it presents itself differently but I always feel devastated and lost -

I feel as if I have let you down - the heat is knocking me about too and my knee has been painful and this is gradually settling down - but with all of this I have also had the feeling that I have a virus or something like that - I just feel unwell - and it's really hard to pinpoint what is causing what but I tend to keep to myself at such times

I rang Life Line a couple of days ago - the person tended to let me speak about my son but after a while asked me if I was thinking about suicide and I really hate that question - I don't think I give anyone a reason to think I might be and it is - well - yes - for everyone - the last thing I would do - seriously - I have no intention

I am just so tired I can't move out of my shadow and think I need to rest - I am tired of talking about my own story

It's just so good that people here understand - but I am not useful to anyone right now

And yesterday - my computer was on a slow-go-mode and irritated me so I left it without getting back to it - today it's okay

Thanks for being there my good friends

Dec

It's a hard time for you @Dec, sitting with you my friend and giving you a big hug and I agree with what @utopia said xx and you are a great mum

Thanks @Shaz51 and @utopia

I know I did the best for my son - it was a really tough ask for anyone and I still feel as if I was chosen for the task

But yes - it is tough right now and hot - so darn hot

Utopia - I know you are in Central Victoria somewhere - I know not where but I know the Central District - are you aware that they are predicting major storms in Melbourne tonight - maybe you can look up the weather bureau and see if you are in the way yourself

All things come to pass and all of these times will pass also -

Dec

that is what my mum says @Owlunar "It will pass "

but it is still hard and letting you know we are here for you as you are here for us xoxo

That's true @Shaz51

and your Mum is one wise lady

Dec

Hi @utopia

I am wondering what they are saying about this storm - atm there is heavy rain to the north west of Melbourne and I can smell it on the breeze but that's all it is - a breeze.

We had torrential rain last week - lots of thunder - ah - is this supposed to be worse or is this the weather bureau covering its basis

Perhaps I had better listen and start building an ark - it might rain tonight but looking at the charts etc has not enlightened me - but one thing is true - it will rain at some stage - some time

You should see my tomato plant - all the lettuce planted around it has given up from the tomato sucking all the water in the pot up and the fronts from the plant are huge - like I have a triffid in the back yard - man - tomorrow I had better tie those fronds up to the stake I have in the middle

I'm going to bed now - I have been writing in the forum again so this is good - I miss it when I don't write

Dec