How to get a loved one to seek help for paranoid delusions?

How are you @Lattepowered ? Thinking of you

Hi @tyme how are you? Hope your week is travelling smoothly.

Thanks for thinking of me. I'm having a bit of a tough week overall. I'm just exhausted dealing with my husband. He has been bombarding me all week with talk of his imminent (imaginary) arrest, how I need to DO something about it, how we will need to sell our home in yhe coming weeks to pay for lawyers etc. I am just so tired of living like this. He promised earlier in the week to stop talking to me about his 'fears' because I said it was impacting me, but the very next day he's back at it.

I actually finally got the courage to call the mental health helpline just to investigate possible avenues (if and when I reach that point), but I was a bit surprised/disappointed. They explained to me that because he's no risk to himself or others (which I agree with), they are most likely to put him in touch with community mental health, which is entirely voluntary. He would obviously decline, and say there's no problem.

They did say if it's a more full on crisis I could call an ambulance or they would triage it as such. Problem is his behaviour is not at crisis level, he's outwardly 'normal' and high functioning.

I guess all along I've been thinking CAT was some service you could contact, perhaps speak to hopefully a dedicated point of contact and explain the nuances of your situation, workshop what might be able to be done etc, confidentially even before actually getting them involved. However it seems you can't actually chat to CAT directly. You'll just be triaged if you call the mental health line. That way, I wouldn't be able to control the process - when they might show up (I wouldn't want the kids there, or to even be there myself), what they know about my unique situation etc. It just feels like I have so few options.

Sorry to be a bit down. It's a lot to carry. Hopefully you might have some more detailed info on how CAT operates?

Thanks @Appleblossom for your kind words. Your story and experiences are definitely helpful. Similarities with us both having 3 kids under 7 (at the time you were going through it) but differences too.

I don't want to leave the marriage, I just want my husband to get better, or at least stop bombarding me daily with his delusions. The latest thing is he is convinced he needs to hire a defamation lawyer. We are a struggling single income family and definitely can't afford to be hiring lawyers to tackle imaginary problems!

I guess I'm feeling extra worn out this week, had a cry to a few strangers etc. It's just hard living in such a chaotic environment, constantly trying to fend off the paranoid talk, constantly trying to avoid the kids hearing it etc. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle against this illness of his. Like, if we didn't have kids i would have temporarily stepped away from the relationship for my own sanity.

Hey @Lattepowered ,

I feel you are at close to your limit. It is sounding very very hard for you to continue...

Have you sat down with him and something along the lines of, "I can hear you feel we need a defamation lawyer. I can't stop you thinking this way. But at this stage, I need a break. I'm not managing if things continue this way."

And I'm mindful it may be school holidays in a few weeks. Can you take the kids to your family members for the 2 weeks of school holidays?

It sounds like your loved one really needs help, but cannot see that.

I can relate in a way because only this week, someone I know keeps calling me and telling me about the 'paranormal' things that are happening including someone 'muting' his phone and listening into his calls...

This person phones me to talk to me - I have the choice whether to respond or not. Yet you don't have the choice.

I'm concerned for your wellbeing.

And it would be so hard to see you walk out completely on him because he is not well. He really can't help not being well. Hence, from how I see it, a break is better than completely walking out.

PLEASE look after yourself hun. Whatever you choose, we will support you.

Hi @tyme thank you as ever for your kind words of support and solidarity, it means a lot.

Yes I do feel like I'm getting close to my limit. Just bone weary exhausted today. In the car this morning he was carrying on like "I won't let them destroy my family! I won't stand for it'etc in full earshot of the kids. It makes me panic when he does the odd talk around them, because I have no way of stopping it.

You're quite right, you can choose whether you want to take calls from the friend you mentioned, if your energy can handle it etc. For me, I'm just bombarded against my will with delusional nonsense. I think the reason I'm struggling right now is because this is happening daily (not all day long, but now even a few of these stressy interactions frazzles me). Whereas earlier this year he was doing good, barely mentioned the delusions for weeks.

Yes, school holidays soon and I am seriously thinking about taking a breather as you suggested. Problem is I can't have a rational conversation with him about needing a time out for my own well-being, he would blow it into a dramatic emotional thing begging me to stay, promising he will change etc. So my only option really is to leave without him knowing. But that makes me feel absolutely awful and so guilty separating the kids from their dad, because there is so much love there. Every option feels like a miserable one right now.

If I do decide to leave, I think I might put down an ultimatum that he gets help, or i will contact CAT. Can I ask, does CAT usually arrive immediately or can you plan a time you want them to visit? I might want to be there (but have someone mind the kids). I'd prefer him to get treatment voluntarily out of hospital rather than being sectioned - but I have no clue how much control over the process I have with CAT, if anything.

Thanks again, hope you are having a good weekend.

Actually, unless he is not safe, or your kids are not safe, CAT may not be the right people to call. You can call the psychiatric triage and let them know you've had to take the kids and go, and they will have to see to your partner @Lattepowered . That's the only way.

But it really sounds like you are at your wits end.

In a way, I feel it's important your partner knows why you've had to go.

He is not well. At the same time, we need to make sure you are looked after. I can 'feel' how draining it is for you.