How to get a loved one to seek help for paranoid delusions?

Thank you for sharing @Lattepowered .

Believe it or not, you are not alone in what you are experiencing - at all.

I have to say that we have new members connecting with us weekly, who are going through something similar.

The difficult thing is, unless they are at risk to themselves or others, there is little the authorities can do. Seeing he has been sectioned before, do you have access to a mental health triage whom you can phone when he is clearly unwell?

If unsafe, your best bet is contacting the police (seeing you have three children). Delusions are delusions because they believe them. That's the issue.

I reallly hope you get the support and care you need right now.

Sorry for the ramble.. but bottom line, I'd contact his local psychiatric triage @Lattepowered

Hi there,

I’m sorry you’re going through this and have to burden the slaps of his delusions. I suffer and have been through multitudes of delusions and difficulties that from my experience could help you consider helping him so you don’t feel burnt out as I can only imagine being a wife and mother to kids holds lots of responsibilities.

It sounds like your husband has psychosis. I suffer from it, stress, anxiety and depression can lead to it and other things (not medical advice just experience).

I recommend seeing a Pyschiatrist if he’s not endangering you and your family. They can prescribe antipsychotics or antidepressants to help calm his symptoms but the delusions will need a lot of cognitive therapy or counselling.

When your in psychosis and have anxiety/mania about your delusions you will believe most or all of what you hear/see psych wards are just pre- sinks for isolating people who are traumatised or suffering. Seeing a psychiatrist will evaluate his mental state and trial meds that can ease his symptoms. It isn’t an overnight fix but it’s much better than being in a psych ward and away from your family.

The MHSS Line has useful information regarding how to help assist someone dealing with psychosis. There number is 1300 642 255. Emergency departments can evaluate him in public hospitals but just remember it’s a long wait for evaluation from Dr.s in Training. If you have private insurance I’d recommend going to a private hospital for the Psychiatric Evaluation.

Hi @Lattepowered,

I am hearing you, my son is like this and he has his girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years convinced that the things are actually happening. I worry terrably about him all the time. (they have a 18 month old)

I can't talk to her about it as I think he has her convinced that I just think he is crazy. Im unsure what stories he has told her about me and the rest of the family, although me and him get along well he has delusions that I have done things to him in the past. He thinks his siblings and their partners have it in for him, so this also makes it difficult.

I think as you are his nearest and dearest, you need to sit him down and discuss how the things he is talking about are affecting you and maybe put some resoning around it. It will eventually negatively effect your children if you don't confront it in some way. I dont really have any answers for you, but I would like you to know that I really feel for you. My sons behaviour caused me to have a breakdown, dont let that happen to you.

@Lattepowered

it’s not a long vent when you have a complex situation to describe and duty of care for your kids

it takes bravery

I had similar situations with paranoid unwell husband and 3 kids to care for and juggle their needs

bottom line- keep to the truth as you understand it… but don’t argue unnecessarily

people can come out of delusional states and there is a huge spectrum of us wellness..,, as well as options for recovery

I persisted for 16 years… it’s hard when there are loyalties and kids’ father to take into account

self care

self care

self care … build support network… formal with counseling for you if nothing else is available

good luck

apple

Hi @tyme thanks so much for your response, I really appreciate it. This is such a scary and isolating experience that it means the world to connect with others and hear their suggestions.

He's definitely not a risk to himself or others. I guess the main issue I'm dealing with is basically being 'psychologically harassed' (according to a few counsellors I've spoken with) when he's having a delusional rant. I've told him so many times I find the topic of his 'fears' stressful, and I've even left twice with the kids (just for a weekend) but he still doesn't seem to understand my boundary. He just thinks I'm being an unsupportive wife for not believing him about his various stalkers etc, and for constantly 'silencing him'.

He's probably only had two or three more severe grade panic attacks in the past 18 months, that might merit calling the triage. But then again, he could very well mask and pretend all is well if they show up...then I'd have to deal with his feelings of betrayal afterwards. I'm super conflict avoidant by nature, the idea of calling the CATT team feels scarier than swimming in shark infested waters!! Do you have any idea how it's likely to pan out, if I do call them and they visit? What are they likely to do?

Hi @Appleblossom thank you so much for your response. Wow - it sounds like you have walked the tough path that I am just at the beginning of, so you would have a lot of wisdom.

Would you mind (if you feel comfortable) sharing any more of your story, specifically if you were ever able to get your spouse to accept help? I just feel so lost and hopeless and as you know it's a heavy burden when you have little kids you are trying to protect and keep things 'normal' for. Mine are currently aged 7, 4 and 1, and I've tried my hardest to keep them sheltered from their dad's illness (I never discuss the delusions in front of them, but some days like today he just starts with the 'odd talk' about the IT guys at work having him under surveillance etc and w of the kids were there - I tried desperately to change the topic but it's like he can't stop his mind once it's on that track.

It's been a loving partnership for 20 years, but I'm just feeling so down about what my future looks like if he won't get help - and it looks like he won't.

It's incredibly stressful and draining, as you would know all too well.

Hey @Lattepowered ,

I certainly hear you. You are not alone in what you are experiencing. When I've worked with people who have experienced delusions/paranoia, they genuinely don't know they are paranoid/delusional, and that's what makes it a delusion.

The hard part is that he is not seeking help - because he doesn't think he needs help. But when his life 'falls apart', then he may realise he has to do something about it. e.g. if police feel the children are not safe with him, he may not be able to see his children. This hurts, but for the safety of children, it may be needed sometimes - and it can also push him to reach out.

As for contacting psychiatric triage, they may not send the CAT team unless they feel it is appropriate to do so. When they come, they assess the situation, and have the power to contact police/ambulance to take him to hospital if needed.

If not, they may just link you to their area mental health.

I've had CAT teams visit me many many many times. More times than I can count. They care, and want to do what's right.

Thanks @tyme you are 100% right, people with delusions genuinely believe their version of reality. I find it so exasperating because there is zero reasoning with them. That's why I usually try to shut down his delusional rants, because I know literally nothing comes out of them, just us talking in circles for hours. But he says he feels frustrated he can't express himself to me - I'm just worn down from listening to nonsense, especially because it's always high on the drama/panic factor.

What do you reckon I should do, at this point? His family thinks he needs to be basically sectioned, but they don't want to be the bad guys to do it. They think I should be getting recordings of him in his paranoid state to show the CAT team, but that feels so underhanded and a breech of trust.

I feel like my only options at this point are -

A- Get up the courage to contact mental health triage to try and enforce medical help. No idea how this might pan out but it would certainly be disruptive for my marriage.

B - If I hit my limit of endurance, walk out and go to my mum's place until he realises there is a problem (also incredibly disruptive, as the kids would be taken away from their schools, activities etc to live hours away, so not ideal. Plus heart breaking to break up my family).

C - Keep doing what I've been doing, basically living day to day praying that the topic of the delusions don't come up, especially in front of the kids. Just getting on in life, but not feeling too great about things.

If I were in that position, I would choose option A. The fact that you say it could be disruptive to your marriage, I sort of feel, Isn't the current situation also disrutptive?

Walking out to your mum can be painful because we have to remember that he is not well. He didn't choose to have delusions and it would be a big upheaval for your family.

I've been connected with CATT a lot and I feel this is definitely an option. They may feel he doesn't need sectioning, but may need community treatment like a community treatment order. Let them decide.

You may just be a tweak in medication etc and you will have the person you married back..

Alll the best. Whatever you choose, we will support you. You don't need to continue living the way things are right now.

There IS help and there IS hope. @Lattepowered

@Lattepowered

My story is here and there around the forums. You can see my threads if you look at my profile. My story is complex in regards to my Family of Origin and Family of Creation and serious psychiatric labels. I have studies in the field from University of Melbourne plus…since the 1980s. I am familiar with a few therapeutic modalities. I prefer a trauma lens to a DSM approach. Rather than one person being the pathological one I try and understand circumstances.

I am happy to share in ways that are helpful to you but also authentic and true to my experiences. I will not lie. I have very different experiences to @tyme and would not characterise the CATT … as that or effective or an apt service delivery or good. I have witnessed a Family Therapist discuss the setting up of CATT teams in their infancy. I have had the CATT called once on me I was self harming on that instance… serious. The main thing they suggested was that I leave the marriage… which I very carefully arranged after living separately under the one roof for a year to help stabilise the kids with the prospect.

My ex leveraged my circumstances. He went off his meds early in marriage. He came from high status I came from low status. Mental illness is complex and can occur in different socioeconomic groups. We didn’t have a good 20 years to bond. Your situation might be better or simpler than mine. I don’t want to steer you in the wrong direction but I don’t want to offer false hope.

self care

care of the young

respect the father of your children and truth and reality as you perceive

God bless