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Something’s not right

Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor05 Feb 2025, 10:09 pm AEDT

Don’t want to accept the pain

Why can’t I pretend the pain isn’t real, maybe if I tell myself I’m okay and I don’t struggle with mental health I’ll be okay. Maybe if I tell myself that the traumatic memories aren’t real, then I can finally feel whole and less gross. Maybe I’ll just wake up from this dream soon and I’ll find peace within my mind when I do wake up. Maybe I’m okay, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me

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In response to: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 10:52 am AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Why can’t I just get over trauma instead of being stuck? I get that my mental health has been good lately, added inflammation from infections appears to increase psychological distress. Nonetheless, I can’t keep getting stuck

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 12:53 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Why do I still want to unalive myself? I don’t have SI everyday anymore, but things have been worse so they’re back. Maybe the agitation is coming back. PRN effects may be wearing off. I’m safe but a part of me doesn’t want to stay safe. Mind keeps telling me I’m better off dead. I also feel like people would move on quickly even if I disappeared. I don’t know why I’m so stuck and I don’t even know what to do. I want to move forward, but I feel like I’m going backwards

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 3:21 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

I need this to stop, I guess I’ll be taking my PRN again to get some relief. Resisting these urges is getting too hard now, I’m on the edge of giving up. Maybe if I take PRN sooner rather than later, I’ll be able to resist giving in

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

tymeModerator15 Mar 2025, 3:25 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Hey @creative_writer , are you able to go out and distract yourself with a walk or something?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 3:32 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

@tyme I am saving my energy for tonight as I am going out for dinner and there is a long drive. I don't want to go, but I am only going because of my family. Socialising feels too overwhelming today.

It's a bit too hot for a walk, the heat sort of aggravates migraines. I am in bed right now, thinking about what I can do that would be migraine friendly. High energy mood states (like agitation, anxiety and even euphoria) are a big triggers for migraines

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 5:31 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

Agitation has settled but I feel disgusting and gross

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2025, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

I feel isolated around people and my head feels heavy. I need to pretend I’m doing okay, but I’m just tired. I wish the memories would leave me for once

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor16 Mar 2025, 4:03 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

I just want to be able to get over the pain. I’ve tried so hard to move on, but I’m struggling to find a way. Is the fault mine? Am I the reason why I’m not moving like I want to? Is it due to my lack of effort?

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

creative_writerSenior Contributor18 Mar 2025, 6:29 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

I had my psych appointment today. I’m starting to realise that I might be hurting more about the reaction my parents had to the trauma instead of the trauma itself. Maybe I have recovered from the effects of trauma itself to a certain extent, but I am far from being okay with the lack of support I had. I grew up keeping emotions to myself because I had no one. I never had that secure attachment style. I assume by default that people won’t support me

In response to: Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

rav3nSenior Contributor18 Mar 2025, 7:04 pm AEDT

Re: Don’t want to accept the pain

ooft i can definitely relate to feeling more hurt from my parents' reaction to things than the thing itself. @creative_writer sounds like a big 'light bulb' moment for you.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.