Looking for support

@tyme I don't have nurses that come to see me but it is something that's been discussed recently being that my health is declining rapidly. I'm not able to care for myself properly as simple tasks are proving to be difficult.

As much as I'd love to have people around it's not going to be the case other than the odd medical professional that checks in and provides necessary care.

Thank you, it's not easy to share my story but I think I'm glad I did. 💙

You deserve to be cared for my friend @Hopeandlove

If that time comes, I'd encourage you to accept it.

We are here with you in spirit, but we cannot do the physical work.

I hear this place is scary, but I can tell you that you are not alone. @MJG017 may be able to share some of their story with you if they feel up to it.

TW: Fight with cancer

I hope and pray this for you too.

Thank you @tyme . We just have to wait and see what happens.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of someone you knew. I wish I could say that I'm strong spirited but I'm anything but.

---

@Hopeandlove wrote:

Thank you @tyme . We just have to wait and see what happens.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of someone you knew. I wish I could say that I'm strong spirited but I'm anything but.

---

Not YET. You may not be strong spirited, YET. It doesn't mean you wont be.

From the sounds of things, to get to where you are now, on your own, shows you are probably stronger than you realise 🙂 @Hopeandlove

@tyme we will just have to wait and see.

I'm not around for the next few days, but I'll check-in with you again when I'm on next 🙂 Hope that's okay @Hopeandlove

Ok @tyme . I'll try to stick around until then.

Absolutely @Hopeandlove . See you then my friend.

Hi @Hopeandlove, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's not easy (at all!) and is basically all the tough emotions all rolled into one. It's terrifying!

I was diagnosed in late 2022. I was 51 at the time and have had all of the standard treatments so far, with the exception of chemo but that is only a matter of time now, as I found out the latest drug i was on for most of last year has now failed and is no longer holding it back. So getting used to the fact that there's only a handful of years left is so much to try and not only wrap your head around, but to find some sort of peace with. I've had so many up and downs. Days when I'm doing okay and days when I wonder what the point of fighting on are. Even periods of months when it all felt too much and I was struggling so badly. It was near the end of a period like that that brought me here in about May last year.

I don't know how anyone who isn't going through it can understand. And I only say that because it's far more then I ever imagined something like this would be. They prepare you for the treatments and the physical side effects, but very little is said of the mental side and just how much of a toll it takes.

Throughout all of it i've felt so much pressure to be the 'brave cancer fighter'. People seem to disappear anyway, but a lot of the rest do to if you start talking too much about how hard it is. It made me reach out and talk about my thoughts and feelings for the first time in my life, and it's helped me a lot. Being that most men with prostate cancer are in their 70's and 80's the support groups weren't that helpful or relevant to what I was dealing with. I met another guy in a similar situation and we started a support group here in Adelaide especially for guys under 60 and it's been very successful since our first meeting in June last year. It's helped me a lot as well because it's sort of given me a purpose for the time I have left. Supporting other guys and doing some media spots and trying to raise awareness for younger men to get tested has really given me the purpose to keep me going when it felt like there is nothing left.

And finding something to give you a reason to fight on is the key, but it's also hard to do. The world seems to write you off. I think of it a like being a ghost... your dead to the world but still walking around and occasionally someone sees you. A job is out of the question, no one understands, or knows what to say or what to do. You don't know what to say or what to do! It's hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

But it can get easier. Over time you adapt and get some kind of acceptance and work out what you want to do with the time left. For me it's made positive changes in my life because the mental toll got so much it made me seek out help and made me far more open to connecting with people. I've never had many friends or ever been close to family so i've always been a loner but it dragged me kicking and screaming out of it. I'm not saying I have lots of people around me now, but i do have a few people in my life now that i'm closer to than i've ever allowed anyone to be in my life before. It's just a pity it took this situation to get there. But sometimes it's just about trying to find some positives in the darkest, most negative of things to keep us going.

So again, I'm so sorry about what you're dealing with. I know it's even harder to do alone, and in you're 40's is just far too young! It's not fair and it just... well... sucks! But you've done really well to reach out here and share your story. That's was a similar point to where I started to slowly learn to deal with it better. It's still so difficult though but I do find, for the most part, I can function again rather than being in some mental vegetative state that I really struggled to get out of.

I don't know what state you're in, but I assume its similar to what's available here in Adelaide. The different cancer places have a lot of services available that you don't always get told about so it's well worth looking in to as it helped me a lot. Places like the Cancer Council offer a lot of services, a lot for free. So try to take advantage of anything you can find. I might be a bit biased being a support group leader, but a good group can be such a big help. A lot of the guys in ours are all like mates now and we even have social catch-ups more and more, and everyone is so supportive of each other. So i'd suggest checking them out if you haven't already.

I'm only to happy to chat about anything if you'd like so feel free to reach out. No one should have to deal with this alone and i'm here if you need.

Hi @MJG017. It's terrifying that's for sure.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through, it's horrible when treatments stop working. It's so scary to know that you are on borrowed time and coming to terms with it feels impossible.

That's so true, they tell you how treatments and medications are going to affect you but not about the toll it takes mentally. I mean I've battled with my mental health throughout my life but nothing like what I'm going through now.

It sounds like you found a way of giving back to others even though you are fighting your own battle. I'm not sure if I would cope with joining a support group, it's not something I've given much thought to.

Thanks for your message, I've tried to reply to as much as I can. Please don't think that I'm ignoring parts of your post, it's just alot for me to put things into words with how exhausted I am.

It's day 2 of me being stuck in bed and only able to make it to the toilet sometimes, I did at least make it to the kitchen today to get a glass of water and I've had a few sips but not always able to keep it down. My body aches and my head has been pounding all day, I feel like I've been out of it most of today.