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Something’s not right

Needing support

Needing support

Trigger warning

So after having so many bad experiences with a crisis service I reached out today as a last ditch effort as i was about to act on my thoughts.

I've spent the last 2 hours talking to one person who actually listened to everything I had to say and how i was feeling and who supported me the entire time. This I needed today, when I felt so close to the edge even throughout the chat when I was so close to acting on my thoughts, this person stayed with me and just listened and made me see things in a different way.

This person went above and beyond to support me any way they could, they kept me talking even when I wanted to just end the chat and so badly wanted to end it all. They searched for services to help me knowing that I've reached out to so many and been rejected and let down but they found some that I haven't tried so maybe there's support through some of those when I can make contact.

I know I'm by no means out of danger right now with the way my thoughts have been but it's that tiny glimmer of hope, that tiny flicker of light in the darkness that I'm trying so hard to cling to, to hopefully get me through this.

Right now I'm an emotional wreck and my brain just feels like complete mush. Today I need TLC except I'm not so good at showing myself any compassion or kindness. I'm open to any ideas on how I can learn to do this, how can I change my thinking and train myself to accept myself and show myself some love. The trauma part of me just straight away goes into defence mode and then the fight and flight mode kicks in. I want to be able to show myself some kindness cos deep down there's a part of me that knows I don't deserve to hurt this much. Years of trauma and abuse has made it impossible to love myself so much so that I feel physically sick when I see myself in a mirror.

I need words of wisdom, I need advice, I need strength, I need support, I need love and compassion. But most of all I need to know how to accept myself.

@MJG017 @Ru-bee @Oaktree @tyme @Jynx @rav3n @Arbie_wun @avant-garde

62 replies

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In response to: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Former-Memberthe good thing about colouring is you don’t have to focus too much. You can be a bit free and see how it turns out. Same with painting I suppose too, just let yourself paint and see what you get at the end.

Puzzles do need a bit more focus, but I find that if they are a bit difficult I can just think about the puzzle and not other things.

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Till23 i paint and colour detailed pictures so it's got to be planned and I have to focus. It's the only thing that keeps my attention long enough to avoid other things happening.

Puzzles are a good distraction for me aswell but need space to be able to do them.

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Former-Member When you said puzzles I was actually thinking of word puzzles like crosswords or sudoku or word finding ones etc. Now I think you mean jigsaw puzzles?

I sometimes use those books you get from newsagents or Kmart etc where they have drawings you can colour, there are some funny ones

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Till23 i do all sorts of puzzles but yes this time i was talking about a jigsaw puzzle.

I have all sorts of colouring books, ones with swear words, mandala ones, patterns, animals, Disney ones, flowers, buildings the list goes on.

In response to: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Former-Member hey darlin, just been catching up on what I've missed, saw you had a pretty rough time the other night. How you travelling today? Saw you've been getting artsy too hehe noice!

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Jynx hi. I'm really not ok at the moment.

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

Oh no @Former-Member that sucks 😣 Hugs for you my friend 🫂

Here to keep ya company for the evening then if you like!! Wanna talk about your day or pick a different topic?

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

Hey @Former-Member, sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. What is going on for you at the moment? RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Jynx thankyou. I'd like that. I'm trying hard to just not completely fall apart, trying to just keep breathing and somehow get through this if that's even possible.

@RiverSeal i was hurt pretty badly yesterday, my fault for trying to stick up for myself.

In response to: Re: Needing support

Re: Needing support

@Former-Member yessss lean into the power of your breath, I hope it helps settle your system a bit. Distractions doing the trick today or is brain too foggy?

Oh no what happened yesterday? Only if you wanna talk about it, sometimes I don't like rehashing stuff when it's too raw, stresses me out.

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