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Something’s not right

SC SH thoughts

SC SH thoughts

Every morning I leave home and wonder if I have the strength to go through another day.

I've made it so far, surely I can make it again?

Will it ever get easier, more predictable or will I be able to accept myself as I am?

69 replies

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In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

Hi @utopia @Former-Member and @SteamedToast

@Former-Member I've SH and it almost always seems like something I have no control of. But I know it comes from emotions I can't deal with and then I SH I think to get back to the here and now.

I haven't attempted SC, but I worry about the frequency of thoughts and I'm worried that one day I won't have control - just like when I SH.

At the moment they are just thoughts and I have learnt thoughts are ok if I don't act on them. But I'm also highly sedated so my head doesn't spin as it can do and I feel a little more in control. But what happens when I don't take meds anymore?

I'm trying to identify triggers, flashbacks, times I have to myself to ruminate, when I get tired... but I'm still struggling to implement changes so it doesn't happen.

What are your strategies that have helped you now and in the past? What are your triggers?

I hope we will all stay safe and love to all x

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

I haven't gone into what causes me to feel suicidal or want to self harm. I just don't want to deal with it yet. It's to hurtful. But what I have over the last few months have been really trying to see the warning signs and what triggers me off.

Because of this I've taken drastic measures and have cut so many people from my life. I can't be around people who just take I need to be around givers/takers. I can't get into deep debate with people. I can't watch certain movies. I also make sure I have lots of me time and does what makes me happy.

It doesn't stop the deppresion and suiced thoughts coming but at least I now know I'm going into a black hole and I'm prepared with help and alcohol.

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

@Former-Member @Former-Member @utopia @ SteamedToast @Former-Member it can be very tough at times and we all struggle I have these thoughts too I get the help I need on here and from other people too

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

I am struggling today too.Went to job provider as my year long medical exemption ran out and I thought I would give it a go.A assessor from centreline told me last year I would be classed as a disability where I would look for less jobs requirements.That wasn't past onto the job provider.I shouldn't had went because I knew I wasn't in the mindset and my attitude is not a positive one.After nearly 5 years unemployed I have no faith them.My anxiety is at a all time high,when I went in I felt no control over my life,and have the threat in my mind that someone is holding a g** to my head.No good to anyone.The medical exemption ran out last week on the computer it states I have 6 days left to look for 20 jobs.There isn't 20 jobs here to apply for did 1 last week,and I no longer can put myself through that and no longer see the point.I have been distressed all afternoon.I sold the family farm,moved away to get a job sat on my tablet applying for job after job ,no job,severe depression due to sacrifices made for nothing.The women at job provider chastised me like a child because I walked out on the stupid video about what they do including disability provider,then when I mentioned what the assessor said stated "they aren't really a disability provider.They have the freakin sticker on the window!That's why I have no faith in it.I am really struggling,all I did today was humiliate myself,plus I was constantly looking out the window there worried someone would see me.I have to go to my psychologist this week and see a doctor about a medical certificate to keep myself safe because at the moment I don't feel safe.I have being classed a disability because of mental health there are others who need it more than me,but I just handle life.

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

@Former-Member I hope you feel better today. That must have been very frustrating and I hope you will find some better help.

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

I am struggling today. Struggling with the meds, still have times where I don't want them and I wonder why other people can just go off them or take heaps less. Struggling to find passion at work. Tired from trying to hide my memory gaps. Tired of the same routine that I cannot keep up... time to sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow...

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

@Former-Member. I'm here with you. I'm sorry you are struggling today. Yes it's hard when we want / need to work but we are not quite the same. I understand that.
But it does get better. Really it does. My memory was a big problem for me. It's improved a lot now. Don't think it will ever be the same - but it's better & that makes it easier for me. But I do still struggle. Especially when I'm tired or when my depression rears up.
Be as gentle as you can with yourself. Sleep and rest up. Tomorrow is a new day. It will get better.

In response to: Re: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

Thanks Flower
I am trying to put on a face but I know I'm not in a good place....At all.I am really worried about myself and the position I'm in.Waiting for a appointment with the psychologist on the cancellation list.Keep getting distressed and feeling a lot of hopelessness.Not going back to that job provider nothing but humilating.I have been on medical certificates for 12 months, applying for jobs,hoped I would get one.Hope you are hanging in there mental illness is a ******.

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

I'm not in a good headspace. Does it really matter?

In response to: SC SH thoughts

Re: SC SH thoughts

Who can I talk to without being judged?
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