Sorryy

@tyme idk how to talk rn. They don't want to make the time to be patient as i try to find words. They won't even look at the house phone.

Oh hun @The-red-centaur ,

That's hard to sit with those thoughts.

Seeing you have come sooooo far! We were only talking the other day how far you've come this year.

I hear it is hard NOW. Hang in there.

I'm sitting with you.

You're pretty good at writing. I wonder if you can write down a few notes somewhere e.g. your phone and when you feel up to it, share talk to the worker about it. I wonder if they think you don't realise they are not doing the right thing ? @The-red-centaur

@tyme i sent a message to her and she finally responded. I told her to sit and be patient and let me find words. We talked a bit. It helped a little. I have put music on and letting myself attempt to regulate now.

I know I have come a long way. I know that doesn't take away from these moments, and these moments also dont take away my progress.

The duality exists.

The last few months have been so destabilising for me. I know I've been managing to keep it together but I've broken apart the last few days. I feel trapped, but I know it will eventually pass. I feel lost and unsure but know I don't have to engage with my old urges and they won't be here forever.

It still really hurts, it's ok to hurt, that's what I'm learning the most this year, is that negative emotions are OK to have and aren't the end of the world.

Woohoo to you @The-red-centaur

Good on you for being able to reach out. That's HUGE! Well done! I hear it is so hard, but it's not going to take away the fact that you have come so far.

And yes, even with the growth, there are still challenging times, but it's OKAY.

So proud of you my dear. Just so proud.

@tyme thank you.

I used to hate dbt, it never made sense to me. I understand how helpful it's concepts can be now. I just didn't understand the language and delivery of it, but radical acceptance is a huge part of my life now, and some of the other cornerstones in the therapy help me now. I just un-dbt them and other therapies made them make sense to me. I get why it can be helpful to so many now. Lol.

I have found that sometimes, it's not the actual therapy but whether we are in a good place to take on the therapy @The-red-centaur . We can have the same therapy delivered to us but at different times of our lives, and I feel the effectiveness differs.

Radical acceptance has also played a huge part in the latter part of my recovery. Just to accept the things that cannot change.

@tyme true. I also found the therapist delivering whatever therapy makes a huge difference too. People are different, therapists are different, therapies are different. That is a good thing, there shouldn't be a one size fits all. Humans aren't like that with everything, why should therapy be different. Healing isn't linear, what ever recovery looks like should reflect that. I just hater the "you have bpd therefore you need dbt" it wasn't a fit for me. But now looking back the concepts make sense in a different way to what they are typically delivered as. I am neurodiverse and very intellectual. I needed something that related to that. My current therapy worked with that and we found something that worked. I wish that was more common practice, to meet clients where they are at and not a fit them into a therapy.

@The-red-centaur hello, I'm sorry to hear how much you have been struggling. I don't know your story but I've read through here and can hear the frustration of the situation with your worker not being particularly supportive. And i know all too well how hard it is to sit with those urges and try to fight them. There's always an ear here if you want to chat at all, I'm more than happy to listen. Try to take care of yourself, it sounds like you have come such a long way. This is just another hurdle to get over but I believe in you and you can do it 🙂

2 positives from today.

I reported the staff member who was on last night to the manager.

I saw my therapist and it helped expressing how I've been feeling.

It's wayy toooo hot today. 44. I'm going to try and rest the rest of the day.