Let's Discuss: Coping with End Of Year Challenges

Great @Blackcloud ! Good on you for venturing out and sharing. I totally hear you concerns about studying abroad and being able to manage financially.

It's amazing to hear how far you have come. Even getting your own place is huge.

Whatever you choose, we are here to support you.

I separated from my partner of two years in September this year. It was quite out of the blue due to his family issues and while I'm gradually recovering there are days, particularly heading into Christmas and New Year where It is hard to hold back the tears.

While I am spending time with friends over the holidays, I'm conscious it must be hard for them when I'm not my normal, positive self and I'm not very good at pretending.

Welcome to the forums @redpen

It's great to have you with us.

I'm sorry to hear it has been tough for you recently with the separation.

I wonder if it's about allowing yourself to grieve in a way that feels 'right' for you?

Remember, there's no timeframe for grief. Neither is there the 'right' way to grieve.

We are here to support you. I'm mindful how lonely and isolating it can feel at the moment.

I feel like acknowledging that this time is not necessarily easy for many people, let alone anything but "merry", is a relatively new concept in society.

As with any irregular event or activity, it's sometimes hard to remember aspects of it compared to what we do repeatedly all the time, day in / out.

So, in some respects, I've felt like this 'allowance' to feel how we actually feel - whatever that may be - at this time, is perhaps something society as a whole needs annual reminding of.

As is the case with those of us who dislike this 'festive' season.

Perhaps we need to be 'allowed' again, each year, to be true to ourselves, feel however we feel.

One way that just worked for me is reading posts like these. Not the biggest fan of talking (or writing) being helpful in and of itself. But, in this case, simply reading that others feel similarly to me reminds me I'm not total abnormal and somehow helps me allow myself to feel and be the way I am. Not suffer all the pressures and expectations without any consideration for my reality. My truth.

As for strategies, pretty much every day is the same for me. That has its merits, and yet is not an absolute panacea. However, keeping the whole end of December / Jan phase as normal as possible is what I am going for.

Part of that is getting to a cafe, alone, on the laptop for a couple of hours. That's where I am at least met by familiar faces in the form of the staff. On dec 25, the regular cafe is closed but I'm pleased to see, of recent years, several other places are open. There's also gym, however minimally I can manage that at present, it's at least open.

Inevitably, for me, I get to 'the other side' - after all the clutching to whatever normality I can get, just wanting to avoid all those looking forward to big celebrations, etc - and probably will have some sort of reckoning. It's one thing to 'get through', and aiming for exactly that is perfectly legitimate. But I may then suffer feelings of frustration, at best, that such 'coping' mechanisms were required and that I didn't really "live" the days.

This time around I expect such regretful feelings might be less likely as I'm suffering chronic pain and that has a tendency, for me at least, to cut expectations down to zero. It's hard to regret what you know was not really possible. Feeling "merry" whilst juggling pain medications and their side effects is not really a reasonable expectation for me. So hopefully I'll allow myself to recognise there was little opportunity to feel merry and that will hopefully ward off regrets.That and having a bunch of medical appts, first thing in Jan, to consider.

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to the forum @Sub-H-Alien.

I'm also not a fan of this time of year, and have got to the point where I almost feel the need to lie about plans that don't exist, and fun that won't be had.

There's plenty of us out there in the same boat...

Feeling pressure to lie because you're not 'making plans' like others is not a nice feeling. I can relate.

Wish I could offer some more insight to help you here. I feel like some insight is on the periphery of my thoughts but my bonce isn't allowing the thoughts to flow just now. Maybe some time soon 🙂

Hi @tyme @thanks for creating this discussion to help those of us struggling with this time of year. I hope you have the best Christmas possible ☺️

My main challenges for tomorrow will be dealing with negative self-beliefs, managing my emotions when with family and not allowing my anxiety to manifest while keeping to others’ timelines. The negative self-beliefs stem from being raised within a narcissistic family system. I’m the black sheep and experienced emotional, verbal and physical abuse throughout my childhood and into adulthood. I’m working on changing my negative mindset but it’s an everyday challenge.
It’s been made easier by being late-diagnosed AuDHD. The diagnosis was a giant a-ha moment and has provided me with a lot of clarity. However the lack of emotional regulation that stems from ADHD is frustrating. I have quite a few triggers linked to Xmas and I’m hoping to make it through the day without crying. I know it makes my in-laws uncomfortable!

My strategies to cope will be spending some time listening to music, extricating myself from triggering conversations and (hopefully) leaving before I’m overwhelmed.
My focus is on making it a fun, relaxing and special day for my kids!

Wishing everyone the day they want to have and plenty of self-care treats (whatever that may be!) ☺️🎄

@Spungold @Sub-H-Alien ,

Welcome. It can certainly be a very tough time of the year.

Please know you are not alone. We are thinking of you.

Feel free to jump on and have a chat to others tomorrow.

Connection is key.

See you all around! Take care.

Hello @tyme , @Spungold , @Sub-H-Alien , @tacocat , @redpen

Here for you my friends 🧡

Thank you @Shaz51 and @tyme .

Here for you too, if you’d like to talk.