Life and trauma

@Till23 i just feel that i don't deserve it, that I'm a bad person. Again it comes down to the words and actions from others throughout my life, things that have stuck with me.

Thanks for the kind words.

Trying to do my colouring but I do a couple of small sections and then my thoughts take over. It's going to be a long night i fear, one that may require a bit of extra support to get through.

@Former-Member aye very legit, and you are DEFINITELY not alone in those thoughts. Which is why, to me anyway, this community IS the right spot for you, because you know you can express those things and you can be open and vulnerable and you won't get ridiculed or ostracised because of it. And I know some part of you knows this but I'm onna say it anyway - YOU AREN'T BOTHERING ANYONE 😁 Honestly it brings me much joy to see how much of a shine you've taken to this community, and it to you!

Sigh. Crappiest part of it is that you didn't. You didn't do anything to deserve it cos you don't deserve it. humans are meaning-making creatures and it makes sense that we need to find some way of making sense of it all by figuring out what 'thing' we did to deserve it.

I think it's because... if we did something, then we can change that and then no more bad. But if it's just from random chance or other people being crap... well there's no way to protect ourselves from that so it becomes way too distressing, cos our brains can't 'plan' for it. Unfortunately, the result is that we can end up swimming in shame and blame that isn't actually ours. Because no hun - you're not broken, you didn't deserve it, there's not some fundamental thing wrong inside that has brought this upon you.

Oh boy, I went on a ramble! I do that sometimes. Before I end up getting lost in another one I should probably start making the rounds! Ahaha that 10pm sure does sneak up on me!

Thank you for the chats today lovely one. I hope you have a chill night, and a spiffy Sunday 😊💜

@Jynx thanks for everything, I really do appreciate it. I tried to think of how to reply but right now I just don't have the words, I'm sorry.

Have a good night, hope to chat to you again another time.

@Former-Member feeling like a bad person is a common feeling among complex trauma survivors. I

It seem to be difficult to move things that we have internalised from people who have abused us. I know it can be done, but I think it takes time and good support.

I’ve been meaning to ask you - wha

@Till23 not sure what happened to the rest of your message, it kind of just cut off.

Oh yeah @Former-Member that is weird. I have many weird IT problems on the forums when I use my phone! Or maybe it’s me that’s weird 🤣

I’ve been meaning to ask you ….what is diamond art?

Do you draw or doodle? I sometimes do that and I can get caught up in it and I sort of get into a flow state and it stops me feeling the negative emotions

@Till23 i only use my phone and while every now and then I have issues, it's mostly operator error 😂.

Diamond art is a fiddly, sometimes annoying, painstakingly slow craft which involves putting tiny little gem things onto a sticky background to make a picture. I mean it's great fun 😂.

I do colouring more than anything. But unfortunately when in a anxious and overwhelmed state I struggle to focus.

@Till23 here is the diamond art that I'm currently doing.

@MJG017 how was dinner, did you survive it ok?

Well diamond art sounds like it can take up all your cognitive resources @Former-Member so you can distract yourself from the negative emotions. Except for the annoying and painstaking craft itself 😂

Everybody has trouble focusing in a anxious or overwhelmed state. I find doing something physical helps with that, especially if it involves going into my garden