Life and trauma

@Former-Member yeah I agree with @Till23 - the universe doesn't hate you! I will share with you a quote that got me through some crap times -

"One day, may this pain be useful to you."

Oh! You! You can mend your own heart. We all of us, have within us everything we need to heal ourselves. Sometimes we just need the right environment in which we can plant our seeds of growth.

Thanks @Jynx. I just want a little break, for things to just be ok for a while. I don't expect a perfect life but this life of misery and heartache is too much for me to handle.

I don't know if I have it in me to heal myself, right environment or not. There's just too many pieces for me to pick up myself.

@Till23 it's definitely crap.

Hugs and curtains for all 😂.

I think I'm going to be early to bed tonight (although I have said that before!) @Former-Member @MJG017

I did just over 4 hours of driving today to get to my sport competition and back and then couple of hours of competition.

It didn't manage to rain on us, just a few sprinkles. Luckily Cyclone Alfred wasn't as bad as it could have been and so didn't affect us too much further down NSW coast.

It was a good day and apart from feeling tired I also felt good driving back with all those endorphins etc circulating from strenuous exercise. Hopefully I'll sleep well tonight, I might wake up a bit stiff and sore tomorrow though 😂

@Till23 i hope you get a good night's rest.

I'm glad today went well for you.

@Former-Member I know the feeling. A sense of wholeness can feel so foreign that it feels imppossibly far out of reach. And just like a messy room, it might seem like sooooo many pieces gotta be picked up, you almost can't see any individual piece to reach for cos of the choas and the noise. Sometimes the hardest part is just to start! But then gently gently, piece by piece, you find more and more ways to refine and organise the chaos into something more manageable.

And you are doing so! Like, even just the way you've found some connection here is a piece picked up. Room is still nowhere near clean but it's a start, you know?

Thanks @Former-Member I got a bit anxious driving down when the old inner critic kicked in - what if I'm crap, what if I make a fool of myself, How will I interact with all these people I don't know.

But I just calmed myself and thought I'll just see how I go and not sabotage it before it happens. Turned out I made some new friends and I was fine.

@Jynx the connection here is the only thing I have going for me right now. Sometimes I don't feel that I deserve it, like I tell myself why are you here, why are you bothering everyone, just leave everyone alone, stop being so annoying. All the things that run through my head and I have to try and fight against it.

I'm just so frustrated with everything that's happening. I don't understand what I did to deserve everything that's happened to me.

@Till23 that inner critic really likes to make us worry about things before we even get a chance to try.

I'm glad you calmed yourself down and so happy that things went well for you.

What? @Former-Member how do you not deserve connection?

I think everyone appreciates your input on here. So you can dispel that myth. Mmm Myth Busters - that's another thing we need 😆

We are happy to hold you while you get through the frustration