Life and trauma

Just saw this my dear @Former-Member - I am hearing you hun. Feels a bit like trying to keep a hold of smoke...

It's okay to be exhausted, and okay to take a break - just let yourself be, if you can.

@Jynx that's the thing, I can't just let myself be. I just want to breakdown and get everything out but I don't get that option. I'm tired of having to hold myself together, of having to be strong, of having to constantly put on a brave face. I'm scared of what the future holds if it holds anything at all. Why does everything have to be so hard?

This is 100% just me looking for clarity and not trying to be accusatory @Former-Member but why can't you let go and allow yourself to break down?

@Jynx I really can't say it on here, one part of my life that I'm choosing to keep out of the forums. But it's also that if I don't have control that when things become risky.

@Former-Member gotcha, thanks for clarifying. And yeah, that would be so exhausting. I've had this thought before and I'll share it again - we need designated safe crying spaces in public! Crying is so normal, so human, yet our society has deemed it... weakness? Ugh.

I am sorry that you must keep so much locked inside. May you find ways to release it through your art, or through movement, or through connecting here 🤞💜

@Former-Member

I know that method of assuming the worst because it's just easier than getting your hopes crushed again. I've survived 54 years of thinking like that, and I think I'm a reasonably optimistic person other than that. So I think it's fair enough to protect yourself like that. Just as long as you don't give up hope completely. Even a tiny bit is enough. There's still time at the moment and none of us have given up yet. We'll keep our thinking caps on for you.

@Jynx if only there was designated crying spaces. I don't know why crying is seen as such a weakness, it's ok to show emotions.

It was nice to actually let a bit out today when I chatted to someone at sane, knowing someone was kind of with me in that moment meant that I was able to stay in control, although I felt bad for the person that had to deal with my emotional state. Connecting here helps more than you know, having to stay strong not only for yourself but for others is completely exhausting. Trying to do some colouring but i only did a tiny bit and then got distracted.

Thanks @MJG017 . At the moment that hope is with you guys here cos I don't have it. Anxiety is high over submitting that letter tomorrow, I read it to the person that I spoke to at sane today and they said it's powerful and should really pull at the heart strings because of what's at stake. Like if they aren't willing to change anything after reading that letter then they have no compassion at all.

My head hurts, which would be from crying so much when I was on the phone. My kidneys are still so sore and I forgot to talk to the doctor about it the last 2 times I've seen him. Feel like my body is falling apart on me. Like I spoke to my doctor yesterday about the weird chest pains I'm getting and he's just like nope I don't know what could be causing that, just keep an eye on it. Like buddy I need an answer here 😂.

@Former-Member if it helps, I used to be one of those sane peeps - and I never felt like I had to 'deal with' heavy emotional states. I'm not going to lie to you and say it isn't draining at times, but like... to be able to be there and hold space for a person in their darkest hour has always felt like a privilege to me, not a burden.

Whatchu working on tonight?

@Jynx there was just no controlling it, like we got onto the subject of my dogs and that was it, the floodgates opened. It's really nice to hear that, thankyou ❤️

I'm doing a mandala.