Life and trauma

@Former-Member

I know what that's like... you're so tired but your brain is like that annoying person in the bed next to you that keeps saying "Are you asleep?" and then waffles on about something.

Someone told me when I was having a lot of trouble sleeping because of constant thoughts to name those thoughts and/or worries out loud to minimize them. It didn't really help me but they said it helped them a lot.

Other than that, I just try to rest rather than sleep. I figure If i can sleep then I may as well get some rest. It takes away (mostly) the stress of trying to sleep and at least gets me some rest.

@MJG017 yes exactly. It's so annoying.

I'm trying to rest but even that's not happening. I can't keep still and if I try to look away from my phone for even a moment I find myself lost in the flashbacks. Like I'm not here in this moment but rather I'm there and it's all just too real. I really feel like I'm losing myself to this and that's scaring the hell out of me. I still have 3 more days until I can see my doctor and I'm not sure how to get through until then. I try to keep myself in the present, finding objects and naming the colours of them but it only works for a very short period. I regret ever starting that medication cos it's really messed me up, even more than I already was.

@Former-Member

I do remember a tip someone gave me in a zoom group once. It was about those picture cards kids get to teach them the alphabet. Like a card with a picture of an apple with a big 'A' on it.

The process was to start with A, think of an object beginning with that and for each letter, think of a card for that letter. So if I thought of ANT, I would then think of say Apple, then Nuts, then Teddy. You then move on to B. And so on.

I said that sounds boring. She said that's the point... It occupied your mind until it bores you to sleep. It did work the first time I tried it.

It must be so frustrating that the medication is still having this affect on you. Hopefully it wears off very soon.

@MJG017 I've actually tried that previously and it didn't work. My brain doesn't see it as boring but rather a challenge so keeps going until I reach the end of the alphabet. I've tried naming an animal or other theme for each letter of the alphabet too, that sometimes helps for panic attacks but it only usually works if i can do it with someone.

I'm not even sure if this is going to stop now that it's started. It's like the medication started it but now I'm stuck with it.

@Former-Member

I know it must be scary, but I don't think you'll be stuck with it, rather the effects of some of these drugs can have effects than can last for a while. Obviously I'm no expert but it makes a lot of sense to me that it would be temporary.

I don't know if you already are, but maybe keep a log of these reactions to give to your Dr when you see him in a few days would be helpful. He may see something it in, we just don't. Other than that, unfortunately I really don't know what else to suggest. I wish I could.

@MJG017 i really hope it's only temporary and that it's just the medication still affecting me.

I touched base with him very briefly today and he is shocked to hear what's happened but I didn't get to go into too much detail. It was more that he just wanted to make sure that I was ok after coming home from hospital. But he has definitely ruled that medication out completely and at the moment any medications are out. Medications were really a last resort cos I've exhausted all other options, so the question is what now.

Anyway I'm gonna try to get some sleep, I hope you can aswell. Night night, thanks for keeping me company 😊.

@MJG017 well that was short lived. Of course I've been woken up having a full on panic attack 😞

@Former-Member

I'm sorry the attempted sleep was short lived and you had another rough night.

I know it's so frustrating when something is wrong and the medical people can't seem to help with it. In my experience, until they flat out tell you that "Sorry, there's nothing more than can be done, you'll just have to find a way to cope with it." there's options, they just haven't found the right one yet. At least it sounds like he is doing all he can to help you, which is reassuring. I really hope something comes along soon that can help with these panic attacks.

@MJG017 it was a terrible night. It just seems to be getting worse.

It's going to be an interesting appointment on Monday. I have to try to write everything down so that I don't forget anything. It's just hard with medication not really being an option now. Trying to find that glimmer of hope but today it's just impossible. Today I don't want to face anything.

How are you going today?

Small proud moment, I've finally been able to use my pencils for the first time in a long time. Haven't been able to use them since being triggered when using my sharpener.

@MJG017 @Jynx @Ru-bee @rav3n @Oaktree @tyme