Life and trauma

@Former-Member

Sorry you've been having such a rough day, but at least it sounds like you've got yourself back in the present.

Unfortunately I won't be around much today... medical appointments! But I'll check in when I can.

Change can be so hard when previously change seems to have always brought bad things. But try to picture good changes now. I know it's probably hard right now, but think of the changes that you hope for. Changes that you'd like. Even tiny ones.

@MJG017 i did manage to get myself back into the present but it doesn't last long. These flashbacks keep taking me back and then I'm left unsure of what's real and what's not. It's scary and overwhelming to say the least.

I hope your appointments all go well. Hopefully can chat with you later tonight.

I'm trying to think of things that I want to be different but it's so hard when this is all I've known for so long. Like how am I supposed to even imagine a life different this? This is all I remember.

Bloody rough morning by the sounds of it @Former-Member, ya poor dear!! How you travelling now? Here for ya 💜

@Jynx Gah is all i can say. I'm struggling with keeping myself in the present and that's scary given what happened on Sunday.

How are you going?

@Former-Member OMG sooooo pretty!! And you just get to hold them, eeeee!!

They don't live that long do they? Do you do anything with them after they die? I definitely don't have a penchant for collecting dead bugs and animal bones or anything over here, no no.... 😜

@Jynx yeah I get to hold them. They are just free outside but I do have a small enclosure that I keep some in if they fall off outside.

They don't live too long but I do have some that I have kept once they have passed. But haven't done anything with them yet, they are just chilling out so to speak 😂.

@Former-Member aye makes sense that you'd still be feeling pretty unsteady! One foot in front of the other eh?

I'm doing alright, sipping on homemade iced coffee - I decided to go extra decadent and used thickened cream instead of half of the milk, so it's like.... SO rich!!

Hahaha you and me both.... I have a small collection of dead bugs, plus a baby possum, a mouse, and a rat in my freezer, awaiting their eventual home!! Whether that be a display shelf, or a garbage bin, only time will tell 😅

I reckon there's probably some like, insect mounting guides on youtube, maybe I should look into that... I collected this amazing golden orb weaver and wanna pop her in like a shadow box or something.

Do you have spider fear? I won't share pics if you do!

@Jynx I'm trying to just do one foot in front of the other but I'm going a bit backwards at the moment.

Hey, where's my iced coffee, you gotta share 😂. Sounds so yummy, enjoy.

I gotta do something with the butterflies cos they are so pretty. I also have a Christmas beetle aswell.

Oh orb weavers are beautiful and their webs are amazing.

No I'm not phased by spiders, usually if they venture into my house i try to put them outside unless I can't get to them easily or specific spiders that are just nasty. So share away.

Maybe you're going backwards @Former-Member but maybe you're actually moonwalking and you just can't see it yet? 😝

For real though hun, even when we do slip backwards, it's never as bad as we think - cos we already know the path forward, we've been there already, and it gets easier to tread every time we do 😊

Haha if I could make it rain iced coffee on us all I totally would!!

Oh yay!! Might hide em behind a spoiler tag just in case! Let's see if this works...

TW: Spider!

And a bonus pic - the shadow box I made with this dragonfly I found!!

@Jynx haha maybe. I spoke to my doctor very briefly earlier and he had a laugh with me about what happened jokingly saying "you know i only gave you that medication to mess with you", he's a bit cheeky like that 😂. He knows my fears and also knows how hard I've been working to stay safe. He said what happened on Sunday is a very rare side effect with that medication but of course I managed to end up having that reaction. My proper appointment is now only 4 days away so getting closer.

Why does the way forward feel so out of reach though, like i genuinely feel like I'm never going to get there, like I'm just stuck in this moment and I will be forever.

Mmmm iced coffee rain, sticks head up to the sky with tongue hanging out 😂.

Awwww so beautiful 😍. I love watching spiders make their webs, it's mesmerising. Here's a web I found the other day, the spider came back later to pack it up.

That dragonfly is gorgeous 😍