Life and trauma

@Former-Member

Everything seems easier in hindsight and with a bunch of years to reflect behind us. It easy to judge every decision in our lives after we find out how they turned out. How good would life be if we got to redo all of those? So we look back, see that we made wrong decisions and blame ourselves. Obviously the way things have turned out is truly horrible. But i'm sure you did the best you could and made what you thought were the right decisions at the time. But it sucks. None of it can be changed and we're left to deal with it. The only thing i can suggest is to try and take than energy you use blaming yourself and redirect it were it should go... to those that hurt you, who let you down so badly, and who put you in this position. They are the ones who made bad decisions with full knowledge they were bad, but just didn't care... not you.

@MJG017 i love how you explain things and can see things from a different perspective. Thankyou for that cos it's quite often really what I need to hear. Yes I know this person and people are to blame but I know i played a big part in it aswell. But I was 21 years old and I had been through so much that I pretty much ran to the first guy that showed me care after what I'd been through in the previous relationship. I don't have a father so I never had that male role model to show me how a guy should treat a woman so I really didn't know any better when things started happening to me.

@Former-Member

You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

Their choices are not on you.

This is in no way your fault.

This is an analogy that I like to use.

You're walking along doing your life and you just walk along this sticky patch on the road, no signs to warn you, its a bit too late to avoid it, you're actually stuck in this patch of tar.

Instead of someone helping you and trying to pull you out, they start throwing more tar at you, all those hurtful comments and judgemental criticisms that all you can see is the black sticky tar on you.

Soon you stop being able to recognise yourself, that you can't see yourself separate from this black sticky mess that everyone has thrown at you because you didn't see as you were walking through life.

You are not the words they used against you

You are not their actions or their inactions

You are not the tar that has been thrown at you

You did not deserve any of that tar

You are a human being that has been failed by the system

Their failure does not make you a failure

It doesn't make you any less worthy of the beautiful life you deserve

I was called the black sheep of the family for going against my dad, that I've filed for 3 family violence restraining orders only to be told they didn't believe me.

I still find bits of tar on me and in no way is it easy but I'm getting better at throwing it back at them, sometimes even imagine something a little more violent.

Sometimes it's the people that no one imagines anything of that do the things that no one can imagine.

@MJG017

@avant-garde thankyou for sharing that. It's so very true and I do try to not punish myself for a situation that was so very much out of my control in many ways.

I'm sorry to hear what you have been through, it's horrible to not be believed and that feeling i know all too well.

You have a strength in you that I haven't quite found yet, but I'm trying. Facing today is going to be far from easy and it's going to take every bit of strength that I have in me to just make it through.

@MJG017 i found a picture that i took a long time ago but it made me think of you. You'll know why once the photo elves approve it 😂.

Oh and this picture is of my Birdie and yes that's his name 😂.

@Former-Member I gave no doubt that you will develop this strength, because I already see that you are.

Sometimes just getting through today is enough

What an amazing post @avant-garde. Its such a beautiful way to put some the awful things that happen to us. It's so easy to get in that mindset that it was something we did wrong. So easy to get into, but so hard to get out of.

@Former-Member I'm sure you're not the only one who at a young age ran off with someone who turned out to be not the greatest person. We don't know at the time. We're young and we don't have much experience with these things... or people in general. We trust the wrong people. Hopefully it doesn't end up too painful once we realize, but sometimes, for those unlucky enough it can turn in to years or decades of pain. All i can suggest is to read and reread @avant-garde's post until you start to stop blaming yourself. Print it out and paste it on the wall if you have to.

@avant-garde thankyou. Noone knows what I'm up against today. But I'll be leaning into the forums for support and reaching out to crisis services when I need to. I'll do whatever I can to stay safe and hopefully get through the day.

@Former-Member

I'm not sure you know if these guys but they may be able to help...

https://blueknot.org.au/

AEST 9am-5pm

1300 657 380

They have been so great with me and when I'm having a really tough week or moment, I call them

@MJG017 I'm trying to not blame myself entirely for the situation and the way things have turned out.

The way @avant-garde has said it is so powerful. I do get it, I get that the wrong things were done to me and that noone bothered to help and only added to the situation and made things worse. So I really had no option but to pull myself out of that situation and try to change things for the better.

Life's tough and like a roller-coaster with many ups and downs, things don't always work out the way you want them to or the way you hoped they would. But despite everything I've been through I'm somehow still here, is it luck or chance, is it strength? I don't quite know but I'm here, I'm fighting and I won't go down without one hell of a fight.