Life and trauma

@Jynx night night, thanks for all your help tonight ❤️

@MJG017 you up for a chat?

@Former-Member Yeah, i'm waiting for some AI video to render.

@MJG017 i was trying to sleep but it's just not happening. I really don't want to face tomorrow.

@Former-Member

Is there something in particular about tomorrow?

@MJG017

I've messed everything up and I hate myself for it.

@Former-Member

That really sucks. I take it that was the message you received earlier. It must be heartbreaking. I can only say that you try to keep in mind that it's not a reflection of you as a person, but more the type of people you have had to suffer with in your life.

@MJG017 yeah that was the message earlier. You have no idea what was said to me and how much it's haunting me and will forever. It's brought back all the trauma from this situation and how it all happened.

I can't change what's happened, hell I've tried and prayed so hard to just rewind time. I made a mistake and that mistake cost me everything. It hurts me every single day.

I've edited my message to remove details cos I don't want it all published on here.

@Former-Member

Okay, i've edited mine as well. It must hurt like hell, and obviously you would have done anything to change the way it has worked out. But if you could have, with everything that happened and the type of people around you, would it have really worked out much better? It's easy to assume 'anything would be better', but sometimes life just puts us in no win situations. It's then just easier to blame ourselves because it just feels simpler to just put these things down to a single action or choice we made.

I like to thing that when something painful involves different people, the person who is most affected, most pained by it, and the one who blames themselves.... it's rarely that person who is to blame. The people who are, are rarely the sort of people who have enough self awareness, empathy, or moral compass to see anything as their fault. Or even that they did anything wrong.

@MJG017 thankyou.

That's the thing I made the wrong choice to move in with a person who had committed crimes in a sickening way. Yes I was stupid and naive and I regret that decision every day of my life. Anyway he turned out to be abusive and I had to run for my life basically. I thought leaving him things might have changed but no of course the system supported him and so much damage was done.