Crushing lonliness

Hi @EssBee

Is it very dry where you are?

Do you have any lawn care tips to share?

I'm starting a new hobby and I'd like to have friends to share with me

Hello @EssBee and welcome to the forums.

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, it sounds as though it has been understandably hard to adjust to life without your partner. It's natural to have such a significant loss prompt a shift in your view of life and purpose - it sounds like your marriage brought a lot of purpose to your life and that's lovely.

Rebuilding that purpose can take time, and I don't think there's any one route to find it again, though hopefully signing up here and connecting with others is a positive step towards this for you. I am curious, what does purpose look like to you? This may seem like a silly question, but for some purpose is in the small things like tending to a garden and caring for their home, whereas others feel their purpose is more linked to their career and reaching goals.

A generally good place to start, as @Macey has touched on, might be to look at your interests and hobbies: What are things that you've enjoyed in the past that you might want to pick up? Is there anything you've always wanted to try but you haven't found the right time? Again this can be a bit of an introspective exercise where you consider what activities would bring you joy and perhaps ignite some passion in you.

Hi @EssBee

I'm sorry for your loss and what seems like a painful grieving process since losing your wife.

It is so wonderful that you have found strength in your beloved dogs, sometimes, that's all we need to keep pushing through another day.

You mentioned you live outside a small country village.

As someone who lives in a small country town, I find my local neighbourhood centre offers lots of ways to get involved in the local community.

There are always volunteer positions in a small community, I'm a conference member with my local Vinnies, assisting people in need.

May I suggest you connect with your local community centre or charity. This could be a great start to hopefully forming some new connections and possibly developing new interests.

I hope you find joy and meaning in whatever lies ahead for you.

Kindly Alisse

Hello Macey,

Thank you for your post. In answer to your question yes it has been very dry here up until last weekend when we received 40mm of good soaking rain ( the first for quite a while ) I don’t really have any lawn care tips, I tend to let it look after itself and mow it as needed. Good luck with your new hobby. Stay well. EB

Hello Ru-bee,

Thank you for your message. You are spot on with your comment about my marriage bringing purpose to my life, as I mentioned unfortunately we were not able to have children so our total focus was on our life together and our friendship.

A good point you make about what purpose looks like to me. It is hard to focus on a new purpose in life because I had been focused for so long on building for and planning for enjoying our retirement together. You are right I definitely believe signing up here and connecting to others is a positive step. I have already made a small step focus wise by setting up a small vegetable garden ( which I have not done since my wife’s passing ) and I have taken on board your suggestions about rekindling old hobbies. Thank you for your insightful and caring response.

Hello Alissa,

Thank you for making contact. I thank you for your ideas and I intend to follow up with local community organisations. I realise now that it would be a good way as you say to start forming new connections and maybe some new interests. Once again thank you for your kind thoughts they are much appreciated. Regards EssBee

Hello again Alisse,

Sorry for misspelling your name in my first reply. Auto corrected to Alissa when typing your name for some reason. 🤷🏻‍♂️ thanks again EssBee.

@EssBee

I've also started gardening again after great loss but it's a new style for me I've not tried before.

And that is balcony gardening and I'm attempting to produce tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce and many herbs.

I think I've recognise I over applied phosphate tho and leaves tingling brown bruise colour. ☹️

Hey @EssBee ,

It sounds like things have been very isolating for you. I'm sorry to hear about your wife.

What are some things you enjoy doing? I'm mindful you are in a country town which means access to groups and things may be a bit harder.

I'm glad to hear you have been able to open up to a psychologist. Grief can be so challenging at the best of times.

I look forward to getting to know you a bit more, and perhaps this can be the start of an upward journey?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Hello tyme,

Many thanks for your thoughts. I have received many replies to my first ever post which is very uplifting in itself. Like yourself many have suggested community groups and rekindling old interests. Much to think on, and yes I am certainly hoping this can be the first step of an uplifting journey.

Yours appreciatively. EssBee