Running

@Jynx

You misunderstand me, I needed someone to see the vulnerability in *sharing* something so deep and meaningful. Not validation in my struggles, validation in my vulnerability.

The desire to share this is still something very new to me because so often when I do it goes unseen and unheard like it doesn't matter.

It's the desire to have someone see me trying to let others in... to be noticed.

I am incredibly self aware and reflective that I can be tempted to look in too much to not see how my inward reflection can have outward benefits.

This is me trying to adjust my view... to let others in... to let others journey with me...

@avant-garde thank you for clarifying what you are needing hun. I always appreciate that you will tell me when I've missed the mark.

I am not sure if many members realise just how humbled myself and the team are to bear witness to the stories shared here. I consider it a privilege, nothing short of precious, that folks are willing to share the most vulnerable and sacred parts of themselves in this space, and that we get to sit beside them and hold that vulnerability. Because it is soooo devastating to be dismissed, shut down, or otherwise rejected for being open.

There's also the fact that bearing witness to these stories and learning from members has been super beneficial to my own recovery. I don't know if some folks here realise that - that the support can go both ways. Reciprocity is an important principle in Peer Support; we can all learn from someone who shares their story. So yeah, if it's had an impact on me, then there are likely many others who have been similarly moved by reading the incredible things shared here, by you and many others.

I read a quote recently - 'all intimacy is vulnerability'. I believe that it is by sharing our stories that we are able to build connections, and connection is vital to recovery. It's vital to life. Openness and vulnerability do come with risk - we aren't always noticed. Sometimes we are rejected or dismissed. But sometimes, we don't notice that others are noticing us, empathising with us, seeing us.

I think this is why there's such bravery in telling our stories in a space like this. Because we never know who it might reach, might touch, might move into a new level of understanding. Your words hold power, and your vulnerability holds weight, in that it shows others that there's always, always hope 💜

Words are my superpower @Jynx

My ability to put into words the deepest of my hurt and pain, but still the joyous image and feeling of a sunrise is one that I feel isn't gifted to many. For so long my words and my heart were mistreated and abused that it shaped them into becoming the true rawness that is now displayed in them, that the painful beauty is now in everything I write, a beauty that is relatable.

However, sharing that deep does come with its own risks, that while I retrieve the poetry from the depths of my heart, means that rejection can hit at that same depth, that to be trusted with something that deep and to share it is one of the greatest complements that a survivor can give.

Also worth noting that whatever book I listen to or read, my language tends to be flavoured by that. Like this series, one of the main characters is quite proper and eloquent in her language and it seems I've picked that up!

You should hear me after watching Jane Austen!

@avant-gardehi sweetheart. No you didn't share too much. I have been dealing with some issues regarding my dad and haven't been coping. I understand your need to want recognition and what you wrote about Jesus was just beautiful.

That you shared it humbles me as I feel honoured that you would share with me.

I was broken this week and I couldn't be there for you. For that I am sorry my sweet girl. I try my best but sometimes I get hit with emotional pain caused by my parents and while I love my mother so much, she can be cold and uncaring. She focuses on herself mostly and I get that, being that she has lived alone for many years.

I hope you are okay and the church services nourish you today. I have done Bible study and am listening to Christian music. I am listening to this at the moment. I loved the movie but it makes me cry!

I love you my sweet avant, even when I am not here you are always in my daily prayers xoxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZPMZV9MVVY

@avant-garde

I just found this song and it made me think of you

https://youtu.be/gKj_xQDH1wc?si=DYr-TsdlQTq-7WqN

TW: abusive threats

@ENKELI @Jynx

@avant-garde I loved reading about your relationship with words. I'm the same haha I will pick up the language/style of books, people, tv shows.... a chameleon!! 😋

Appreciate you sharing your poetry too, as always 💜

It feels almost....haunting. I hope the process itself has been healing though 🤞

@Jynx

Haunting is an appropriate word

Writing is something that always seems to help

It gives the overwhelming pressure cooker of emotions a release valve

it feels like one of those days if i'm honest, when I find it difficult and want to share, but then realising that they probably don't know what it's in relation to.

I got discharged from the respiratory physiotherapist today, I've been given permission to exercise again, that my anxious breathing patterns have regulated, and to just keep doing what I'm doing.

but I hear the inner critic say to me that I should know how to breath right? how ridiculous is it that I needed help learning how to breath. the inner critic is winning right now

i still have a bunch of other outpatient clinics on file though

• respiratory clinic
• speech pathologist
• neurology
• general surgery

but it's not like anyone would care anyway, it's not like i have family

@avant-garde said "but it's not like anyone would care anyway, it's not like i have family"

I am saddened by this comment. You already know there are people on Sane that care, or did you say it because you are needing validation?

I have often felt overlooked both on Sane and in real life. It stings but I am learning not to rely on other people to make me feel better. I hope you also find comfort in knowing you are more than what the outside world thinks or says.