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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Sharing is draining, it makes it so much more real and makes me notice the hurt...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hugs @avant-garde ,

You are so so so brave. I hear the pain and how real this pain is.

I'm sitting with you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

It hurts...

It hurts so much...

I'm right when I say it takes a community to abuse a child...

Everyone who I was meant to be able to trust failed and abused me... Teachers, doctors, pastors, adults.

Abuse doesn't just happen in the home, it happens everywhere they choose to not take notice and not help.

I stand by the statement that evil wins when good people do nothing. Not many people understand why I stand behind that so strongly, it's because I had so many people growing up do nothing and that was more confusing and hurtful than the actual abuse. At least the abuser doesn't give you hope so you can't have your hopes dashed anyway...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I stand by the statement that evil wins when good people do nothing. Not many people understand why I stand behind that so strongly, it's because I had so many people growing up do nothing and that was more confusing and hurtful than the actual abuse. At least the abuser doesn't give you hope so you can't have your hopes dashed anyway...

Thank you for drawing this to my attention. Makes so so much sense. In my past life, I was told: If you see something that's not right and you don't do anything, then you are condoning the behaviour.

I guess this is something similar?

What does support look like for you at this time? @avant-garde I want to make sure I get it right - as much as I can.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

See where I kind of suck at answering that question because I often don't know how to put what I need into words.

That's why I do *actions* with Jynx... I know what I feel like doing and that right now would be sitting curled up in a corner but not wanting to be alone in the corner.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I'm sitting with you in that corner @avant-garde . I'm as close or as far as you feel comfortable. I'm okay with silence, but I'm also okay with you sharing.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

It took over 20 years for someone to not ignore or participate in the abuse...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I'm listening @avant-garde

You are a survivor. At the same time, I'm not going to deny the pain and suffering you have endured.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

You know why my faith is so strong? because it wasn't just Christians that failed and abused me, therefore it wasn't exclusive to Christians, sin is the common denominator between Christians and non Christians alike... especially if those Christians weren't Christians at all...

Jesus is different...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

What's that saying? Not a Religion, But a Saviour? @avant-garde

Makes a lot of sense. After everything you've been through, it would have been so easy to throw in the towel. Yet your faith was stronger than that.

Hugs.

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