What am I even doing with my life…

@tyme @Jynx @rav3n also I’m not sure if you guys have come across a controversial YouTuber called ‘Johnny Somali’ but that guy is currently in Korea and is still roaming free even tho the police have caught him & were gonna arrest him.

considering how lenient the laws there in Korea are, I’m not surprised - they don’t plan on officially putting him in jail along with the other controversial dude he is/was with until the guy himself pays his bills for housing & food, which is a really stupid law if you think about it… oh, and they (the popos) are currently building a case/investigation against him too so there’s that. He was initially sentenced to over 10 years in prison even tho he’s currently not in jail…

anyways, what I wanna say is that I seriously hope I won’t need to encounter this guy & his friend anywhere in Korea (especially in Seoul) by the time I’m gonna be in there next month

You're pretty brave to go on your own, to a new country. @Blackcloud

By the way, how's your accommodation going? Are you settled?

@tyme yes. Though I managed to find one that has a private bathroom (not a shared bathroom) in it - it’s the same hotel but the cost for that is a bit higher than the one I’ve mentioned days ago (the one that had the shared bathroom) and my mum was able to give me the $300 cash so I’d have the extra $210 to spend myself too along with the $300 she handed me with 🙂

she also said that I can go to Thailand the next time I plan on travelling again since everything in Thailand is a lot cheap, which is true. And I might within the next 12 months (maybe maybe not) because last time I went there (Bangkok) with the whole family, everything was so nice and fun there, so I’d love to experience being in Bangkok again!

hey @Blackcloud just caught up on the accommodation stuff - sounded stressful but really glad its all been sorted now!! interesting about that guy on the loose... surely you won't bump into him 😅

how are you now? feeling a lil less overwhelmed?

Hi @rav3n yeah it’s going fine with all the travel stuff right now.. I’ve managed to purchase the concert earplugs online this morning so can’t wait to receive those 🙂 & in terms of feeling a little less overwhelmed, yeah I guess so.. 🤔

also this isn’t relevant, but everytime I go out with my mum I tend to feel depressed everytime I’m with her, and my body tends to lack energy at the same time whenever I feel depressed & makes me easily wanna rest and not move much…(not just when im with her, but in general).. well I went out with her yesterday morning till afternoon so. But then on that evening, I did go to the gym to workout and im glad I did 🙂

how are you going?

@rav3n @tyme @Jynx guys I low key feel like crying right now

i know that either applying for a job or starting a public social media platform can be the main ways to make money but I’m too scared to do either of those things, and yes as much as I do know that fear/anxiety does hold me back but still 🥲 idk how so many other ppl in my generation are still able to survive through working at the same job (esp customer service) for so long, I’m so jealous of them…I really wanna tell my psychologist about this the next time I have a session with her

Aww sending you a big pile of hugs @Blackcloud!!

It can be soooo hard trying to figure out what we have capacity for, and what we need to just kinda cop on the chin in order to keep ourselves afloat, hey.

Hey, there's no point comparing yourself to others of your generation hun. Like yeah, maybe they are doing this or that which you are struggling with, but also, none of them have had to deal with the life circumstances that you have. I can pretty much guarantee that if they had, they'd be struggling too.

The only person who we ought to compare ourselves to is our past self!! And even then it ought to be merely as a way of tracking our progress and not a source of shame!!

Hi guys @tyme @Jynx @rav3n

sucks that I got no support system in real life really 🥲

not feeling the best today. Ive been going outside for a walk whilst thinking non stop about everything that gives me the most anxiety and that I’m likely to have negative thoughts and feelings towards - and this is only in terms of….printing my CV & not having the confidence to walk into certain stores to wanting to hand in my CV to the workers for several reasons - one of them being because I’m generally not well liked by anyone just because I give off a ‘close-off” expression/body language and whatnot. But at the same time, that’s not something that everyone should expect me to change at least if that’s the reason why I always get ignored by everyone. Also, the thought of working in a customer service type job especially is because I have this certain personality that can easily throw people off so I do know that customers won’t like me for that and I don’t want to put myself in that position where I could allow or make customers to be rude to me as well as writing bad reviews about me on Google regarding the place I’d work at.

I also just published two of my YouTube videos that I uploaded 2 years ago that I initially put them on private before I changed them to public again this morning because I’ve been continuing to think (and even right now) again and again on ways I can make money despite 1.4K per fortnight from Centrelink not being enough to sustain the things I’m currently affording for. I’ve read some posts on reddit this morning of someone mentioning about being on DSP & uploading videos on YouTube cause they wanna make money and….seems that to make money off of YouTube it does take a while or even a very/pretty long time depending on how often you upload them or something…? And also, if you make videos and upload them to YouTube just for the money, then apparently thats not a good reason. Otherwise if you do it as a hobby then that’s a good/better reason for why you do YouTube… 🤔

anyways, I guess if the YouTube idea doesn’t work out since I don’t think I plan on doing YouTube on a regular basis. Plus, I don’t even think the idea of filming videos, editing and uploading them would necessarily make me happy either.

Hey @Blackcloud ,

You know what? This week, I was working with some young teens. They are autistic (I'm not saying you are). They really struggle with the social aspects of life and are quite withdrawn (once again, I'm not saying you are).

Why I'm sharing is that these kids started their own YouTube channels. Not for money or anything, but they started off slow (with the support from their family). At first, they did not talk. Then gradually, they came out of their shell and started to get more confident. Now they have over 500 subscribers and they are thrilled!

I wonder if you can start off small, and go slow (if this is something you want to do)? You never know until you give it a go!

Hi @tyme don’t worry, I’m actually autistic too (diagnosed) !

yeah I was thinking of doing vlogs of what I’m doing in Korea soon and then upload them on my channel since Korea and Japan vlogs have been very popular amongst my generation these days. I know i probs won’t get at least 500 subscribers overtime haha, and yea that’s what I was saying to myself too this morning as well as last night - you never know until you do it!

also, something I’ve learnt recently from this person I actively follow on Instagram - she says something along the lines like if you let fear keep holding you back from trying out new things then you miss out on the opportunity to be able to do something you might be capable of, and that thought has stuck with me ever since this morning and that’s when I thought of the YouTube and start off my doing vlogs in Korea type of idea.

Actually since 2 weeks ago, the idea of wanting to start doing vlogs in Korea started coming to mind ever since, as I thought of what other ways I can do to make money.

yes, I actually plan on doing the ‘no talking’ type vlogs like other similar content creators do. I just probs need to get used to the habit of doing it as a hobby I guess??