What am I even doing with my life…

I’m literally not here 🙂

(this is a joke by the way and it’s what I say as a coping mechanism)

hey @Blackcloud i can see you've got a lot of thoughts and feelings flying all over the place. having an interest/hobby/passion is a great thing! people travel the world to attend comic cons, music festivals, concerts, statues, etc - there's nothing wrong with wanting to experience those things.

i do see that the financial side of things can make it complicated. it's tricky figuring out expenses and what isn't/is worth the money - and that's okay. it looks like this trip means a lot for you, and it's been booked, and planned out. so i guess you have a couple of options to consider - do you still want to go? are there cheaper alternatives for things? would you parents be able to support you financially just in case? or do you want to reschedule/refund the trip? do you want to travel elsewhere? etc.

i totally understand that desire to want to runaway from this, but just know that things will be okay. it might not feel like it now, but take a breath, and know that you do have options. maybe even talking to your OT about this would be good, she might be able to give you some more options?

hi @rav3n yea idk i just blame parasocial relationships for this but anyway. I was talking to my online friend about this as well today in terms of what and how much I've spent for the upcoming holiday trip and she said that she thinks its great that I'm aware of that and that i'm aware that it might be a sign for me to step away from it for a bit but thinks its important to outweigh our personal experiences vs anything else -- like for concerts especially, those are worthwhile spending on compared to if you spend money on material things, since concerts are part of expeiences right? i did tell her initially that i was thinking of cancelling my concert tickets as i dont feel like its worth for me going there anyway as i can imagine feeling mostly intimidated by a lot other fans there even in the audience as im surrounded by every single person there lmao, but I do appreciate that she encourages me to still go to the concert because..i guess you only live once and you'll never know if youre gonna be able to go to korea to see them again right?😅

with your questions from your second paragraph, the only solution for me would be to have a job as an addition to me getting the centrelink payments but yet again I'm unable to apply for certain jobs for a reason in relation to my condition. Plus I did apply for jobs in the past including this year but I;ve never ever received any response from a hiring manager or anything like that.

hey @Blackcloud 😊

i think that whether you prefer spending on materialistic stuff or experiences is different for everyone! personally i've recently been spending it more on experiences but i might need to dial back soon so i can save money again 😆

i've been to a bunch of major music festivals and concerts myself so i can tell you from my experience - they can be loud, they can be overstimulating, and if you don't have seated tickets - it can be squishy and crowded. but there are ways to manage these stuff, for example - earplugs/ear muffs for blocking out some of the sound, making a friend and sticking with them for safety, taking breaks to go to the bathroom if you feel overwhelmed, staying close to exits and on the edge of crowds so you don't feel squished and can runaway quickly if you need, etc. concerts can also be really amazing experiences, and it can be fun to meet new people especially if you're a massive fan - being surrounded by similar individuals can be a really nice feeling.
will there be another one of these concerts again in the future? or is this a one-time concert that's never going to happen again?

oh yeah that's frustrating with job applications! have you checked out the headspace work & study support? they link you with a work & study specialist online and help you with your application by sending you job ads, helping with resume/cover letter, giving interview tips, etc. and they're free. i think they work with people aged 12-25 only so if you fit that bracket, maybe give them a try if you're interested?

@rav3n thats interesting haha, me personally being around sooo many individuals in a crowded setting including in the audience can overwhelm me and I can just imagine myself getting or feeling mostly intimidated by having to sit and be around with every single one of the other fans in the audience lol, also this is gonna be my first time attending a concert so I guess we’ll see how that goes. Yeah I guess I can see if I’ll be able to use the bathroom to give myself a break if I do feel/get overwhelmed. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to have time to look for or purchase the ear muffs/earplugs to block out the sounds before I go, but those are definitely something that I’ve thought about too so I’ll try and see if I’ll be able to purchase those I guess.

I’ve had a session with my psychologist today and I appreciate the advice that she’s given me because I did also tell her about my worries/concerns about going to a concert, especially if I have to be around sooo many other fans in the crowd and stuff. Hopefully I won’t need to talk to any of the people there to be really honest because I just want to be there for the music, not in order to interact with other fans as well as “being a part of the fandom” type thing.

yes I’m pretty sure there will be another one of these concerts again in the future but in Korea, considering that they’ve already held these concerts within the past years.

and no I’m not interested in using headspace’s study and work support service because I’ve already been in touch with other similar services in the past, but even so I still don’t get picked by the hiring manager even though i’ve already submitted a resume that’s edited/modified by a resume/cv expert within a number of job applications I’ve applied for, so I wouldn’t say it’s worth using the service for me.

Ahhhh @Blackcloud ,

Reading your posts, it sounds like adult life in general. Bills, bills, bills, headache, unplanned for expenses, little money coming in compared to the expenses.... just goes on.

Is there someone who can help you with budgeting? Can your mum help you?

hi @tyme

I've just gotten in touch with a financial counsellor and they referred me to some helplines that I can ask for vouchers from so I'll see how that goes by the time I get in contact with either of these welfare assistance helplines...

I don't think it's so much about asking for vouchers, but learning ways and strategies to budget @Blackcloud . Otherwise the issues continually occur.

Are you still studying?

@tyme ahh yes i see.

Well technically I am still studying yes, my classes for this semester is about to end but I am still getting the pensioner education supplement along with my DSP payments regardless until my current course ends like half of next year

Does the study keep you busy @Blackcloud ?

To be honest, you are probably doing so much better than a lot of other students out there who are struggling to even have a roof over their heads.

I've seen just too many students go without proper food just because they can't afford it. And then, they how jobs which are lousy and paying them below what they should be getting.

Student life... pretty tough.

However, your trip sounds very exciting.