What am I even doing with my life…

What the hell am I even doing with my life….

i honestly blame parasocial relationships and for getting myself into this kinda phase with this particular group that I’m currently a huge fan of and have been ‘obsessed’ & down-bad with since 2020. Cause now that their concert is next month which had already made me being desperate to book the concert tickets as well as booking the flight tickets to fly to the country to go see them at their concert (because for some reason their company never allows them to hold any concerts in Australia nor in any of the other Asian countries other than just in Japan and Korea) And I’m doing all this whilst I’m on the DSP with a valid reason as to why I’m unable to work.

I mean, before I moved out of home I’ve always been saving a ton of money on my bank account & im glad I still have that much amount sitting on my bank account. but ever since I’ve moved out, the fact that I now get $1.3K-1.4K per fortnight from Centrelink, having to pay $1000 worth of fortnightly rent as well as having to spend the remaining $300-400 dollars per fortnight on some things, and NOW spending whatever amount I get from that remaining 300-400 dollars I receive per fortnight PLUSspending more dollars from my other bank account that I initially saved a ton of money on (from my past DSP & other Centrelink payments before I moved out) just to afford for this upcoming holiday trip is (hence I’ve booked that holiday trip for a 2 week stay anyways cause I’ve been wanting to go to Korea so bad for the longest time)….yeah idk…

why am I even doing this to myself & I honestly regret getting into the parasocial relationship & down-bad phase back in 2020 that lead me on wanting to go & see them at a concert overseas as well as…what I’ve been doing & spending on as of last week and this week because of it….

i literally was going through the amount of pay in 4 instalments that I’ve just paid a few things in relation to my holiday trip with & considering what I’ve checked and have gone through… it is not looking quite good right now, especially considering how much I don’t even want to deduct more money from my other bank account that I initially saved a lot of money with/on (& that I still have).

Yeah, my mum was right when she told me that I need to save money which I absolutely already know and understand, and like…. IM TRYING!!!

And a majority of the amount I paid for through the pay in 4 instalments and all that has to do with:

• in relation to this bilingual service based in Korea I’m using for them to guide me & assist me through the bookings in Korea and everything. Apparently the deposit you have to pay to access their service is around $360 something AUD
• The SIM+Data thing I have to use in Korea
• The concert tickets (both are around $136 AUD per ticket)
• Travel insurance
• Skybus

HELPPP 😭😭

Now that I think about it, idek if it’s really worth seeing them at a concert. Plus, I can imagine how it feels to be in a crowd with so many other fans around you especially when you don’t wish to be associated with them. Umm yeaaaa

what if I run away and hide instead… maybe that’ll be better than not running away and hide.

@tyme @rav3n