FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

461 - 470 of 38,645

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. I slept for 3 hours this afternoon. And I start an hr late tomorrow. Electricians are working on our building. Don't worry about me. If I need ti sleep - I'll tell you. I always do. Lol

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

Here's a question for you all then!

How do you even think about loving yourself when all the things that you like about yourself cause you pain?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It can help you move past it to understand the behaviour patterns involved ..... the people who have done that to me, when I stood back a bit (beyond the pain vortex it causes) I could see that those people had a pattern of doing that with other people in their life .... it was part of their ongoing issue and I had been caught in it for a time .... then they would move on to someone else and the pattern would repeat itself ....

I posted a diagram of the Stages of Change on another thread. I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information. Here and now @Zoe7 .... but there are stages of change we pass through when we recognise their is a problem behaviour pattern in our lives, and we come to terms with a need for change .... everyone comes into this in their own way, their own space, their own time.

Your friend is is the first denial stage by the sounds .... not that I'm an expert or anything ..... and that stage is marked by denial and hostility .... and being passive-aggressive is a classic form of hostility. Until they are prepared to recognise the problem, you have to just let them go ..... when they do start to recognise they need help, they will also start to reach out for it.

Same with your friend @utopia .....

I hope this helps.

Right now I think you both need rest more than anything else, but I will post my Sabtorini story later for you if it helps as a distraction ..... and I have found pics for it .... 😊

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Bloody good question @Zoe7. Think I need to think on that one. My answer will be different to the others. There's hardly anything I like about myself and I have very little self compassion or love for myself. I think you need to rely on the healthy adults for this one.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member I actually think that having a response from someone who is in similar shoes is just as important as from someone who 'likes' themselves more. Please do not be afrsid to respond - I would not have posed the question if I did not value your opinion - from YOUR point of view. Everyone's opinion on this one is both valued and matters If you need to think on it more then that is ok because I don't have an answer right now either.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. What do you like about yourself - that causes pain?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia always seeing the best in people is probably the main thing. What about you?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I guess I should put that last comment in context for you @Zoe7. I don't have much of a healthy adult (scheme therapy concept and term). For now when I don't have one my therapist says she can be mine and helps me through. Perhaps that would be helpful for you right now too. Perhaps your GP and psychologist are your healthy adult with this emotional pain you feel. It's ok to hand it back to them for now until your healthy adult grows again. Mine is much more complex because of my diagnosis but I have to ask my therapist weekly to be my healthy adult for stuff, it's really hard and I have to be so vulnerable. It might help to keep these relationships as your close vulnerable ones. You can build skills and strength over time to expand them from there. That's pretty much what I'm doing.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 @Former-Member.
I love my sense of humour.
some people don't get it.
I love my enquiring mind.
some people don't like it.
I like to argue and debate.
it annoys some people.
I love that I am comfortable with no makeup or hair dye.
it annoys some people.
I love that I have found a connection with the ancestors who lived on this land before me.
many people thinkI'm weird.
I love that I connect with people.
some people are uncomfortable with that.
There are many things I like and love about myself.
Everyone of my strengths - annoys other people. But I'm not on this earth to please others. I'm here to live my best life. No please them.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. I think being able to walk away from people who hurt me or who aren't good for me to be around - is a strong character trait of mine.
Yes, I to give people the benefit of the doubt. I trust people - until they don't deserve that trust.
But I've also worked hard to learn what to look for in people. Doesn't mean I won't get hurt. That's part of life.
but I trust my psychologist and I trust his advice.
461 - 470 of 38,645