Am Not Coping

Think some of it is exactly what I posted to @Zoe7 above .... my own psyche-brain processing stuff and getting noisy enough with it to wake me up, but not letting me peek at what's being decluttered .... lol ...

Part of it has been that hyper vigilance of hearing someone coughing during the night and assessing what sort of cough it is, or who is awake ....

Then too .... there's a really loud, screechy cat that is bent on defending its territory from another cat somewhere within our immediate vicinity .... and they are insisting on having a 2:30am altercation quite regularly .... 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:😜 .... now I understand those cartoons where a boot gets chucked at a catawauling cat in the middle of the night .... catawauling .... good word ❣

And I suspect my darling @Faith-and-Hope it's just a little bit of worrying about people on the forum. I do this from time to time too and have to check in to see if people are ok during the night. I think it's the nature of the beast 😘. My sleeping meds have been taking this option away for me lately 💜🤗💐

@utopia and @Faith-and-Hope you are both right!!! Artists do rock (well most do anyway) and they can use anything to produce a piece of work!!!

@Faith-and-Hope yes it does make sense - just hard to process the what's and why's and how's at present. As to the spending time with others - I just don't have that in me. I'm not very good at the best of times being around people - I know this may seem strange with the job I do - but for the most part it is being with the kids and then trying to tolerate (and get through) the meetings. This is one of the major reasons why I have been thinking for a long time that I can't do this job anymore. We now have so many more meetings than we ever had, so much more working in groups nearly everyday, and so much more 'paperwork' that it feels like there are two jobs in one - and I love the one which involves working with and teaching the kids - the other one I hate and don't cope well with. I get really anxious and my stress levels rise and then I can't focus or think and then I feel like I can't do any parts of the job well. The school actually set up a little room off the main meeting room last year for me (and whoever I was working with) to work in away from the larger group where there was less noise and the lights were not as bright. I also really struggle with noise and bright lights - cause massive headaches that last for hours (sometimes days). But when we had to be in the main room for extended periods I found it so hard to cope with. Every night I would get home and have to lay down to ease the headache - then I wouldn't get any planning or marking done and the next day there would be even more to do and the cycle would then keep going. I was really starting to burn out last year before I got sick and then the wall didn't fall brick by brick - it came crashing down all at once.

It sounds like you would benefit from teaching out-of-school or after-school art classes @Zoe7 .... not sure how this gets set up, and whether the money would be enough income, but maybe as a part-time option to help tide you over ....

Maybe a step-between is possible .... part-time teaching and part-time art-club after-school classes .... ?

Its just a thought 💕

Lol @utopia.... not on a soap-box really .... but here are a couple of more famous examples of artistic doodling on paper serviettes ....

Danish architect Jorn Utzon produced a preliminary sketch for the Sydney Opera House on a cocktail napkin -

British architect LS Lowry produced a preliminary sketch for a three-sided handball court on a paper napkin that is set to sell for £10,000 -

💗

Ohhhh @Faith-and-Hope, hope you feel better soon my friend , take care

I am back to work last week , still coughing , still sweating it out , now have a sore back

but I am praying for you and your family to be well very soon

We are nearly out of it @Shaz51 .... 😊💕

Now that my kids are all adult @utopia, I have worked out ways to take a lot of time-out when I need it .... and yes, it's essential to my own wellbeing ....

Thanks for worrying about me .... ❤️💕

@Former-Member .... I do check in on those I am concerned about on the forums when I wake up during the night, but I don't think that is actually what is waking me .... might be part of the pot pourri in my mind at the moment tho .... lol ....

It's Sunday morning and I can hear the church bells ringing ... which they do here a lot even all through the week .... being an Orthodox country .... and being a believer I'm gonna get up now and go light my candle in the cathedral just across the road from here.

Will light one for my special people here too .... ❤️💐💕💗🌷❣

Be back in a while ....

Hugs 💕

Hi @Zoe7

yes... it is a lot like having two jobs. and agree there are just so many more meetings its impossible to ever stay on top of everything. its a constant struggle. being with the kids is good though, as you say.

@utopia yes it is really hard! and @Former-Member And the government wonders why our results aren't getting any better across the board. They give us extra money to bring the standards up in one area when they are below the average by employing extra staff but then they take it away when we reach those standards and the extra teachers are taken away. We then have to continue to do the same programs that has been set up ourselves on top of all the other work - and we have to have meetings and do the extra paperwork for that then also. They talk about accountability but they never seem to include the kids in that equation. They forget that these kids are little individual people who thrive on learning under the right conditions and with the support and care of those teaching them. They all need such different support and all learn so differently. How can I provide that when I can't care for myself and I can't provide the programs that each child can thrive in?

@Faith-and-Hope I taught art for one day a week last year - all grades prep to 6. I absolutely loved that day - even the little preps who were very hard work but very cute!

I would teach art every day if there were the jobs in that area. Art is not a mandated subject so it is up to the individual schools if they offer it. This year we can't offer it again as we have to include health as a separate (specialist) subject and that has had to replace art. It is very disappointing for the kids because they really love art.

I have done some after hours art/craft activities before at school - completely on a volunteer basis but that was before all the meetings and extra work began. There really isn't any money in it - especially in the school and area I work - very low socio-economic area - very few resources available - very little funding for such a project. Most of the art stuff (and classroom resources) I have bought myself over the years. Could not even start to add up how much I have spent - no wonder I don't have anything left now!!! I literally don't spend my money on anything but my fur babies, house and for the kids at school.