Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 😥😥😥💔💔💔💞💞

I am feeling the weight of so much pain on here presently and the very real knowledge that I cannot do anything to help or change any of that. People I care deeply for are struggling and no matter what words we use here or how much we are here for them - it is not enough. I think I have come to the end of what I can do presently because with every interaction I have I find myself hurting just a little more each time. I miss my friends here too and each day I feel them moving away just that little bit more. I can't change that and whilst I know there is a lot going on for others there is a very real disconnect that I am also struggling to deal with. We form strong bonds here and when there becomes that distance for whatever reason it is really hard to handle. My heart is breaking for them and that is becoming debilitating for me also. I do not want to leave or walk away from them but I also do not know how to go on not being able to help. The hardest thing about this forum is also what helps us all be authentic but right now that is also what I am personally struggling so much with. I want to be able to wrap my arms around my friends, comfort them, talk with them and let them know they are not alone but the constraints of this place are that we cannot do that - this I am very much struggling with right now. What I wish for and what is reality are poles apart for me at the moment. What I do know is I can't keep going on myself feeling this heartache but I also need to find a way to look after myself. I do not want to let anyone down but I also know I have reached an impass for myself in being able to cope with my own life and therefore am no use to anyone else. I hope time changes this but there are no guarantees in this life!

Hello @Zoe7

I am sorry to hear things are such a struggle for you and I can understand the contraints of the forum can be frustrating and restrictive. I think it is really important for you to look after yourself. Your friends on the forum will completely respect you for doing this, as I know you would for them too.

Take care, MummaMia

Are you still around @Zoe7 ?

It has been a very full day here, but I am gradually ticking the boxes I need to to be able to move forward. I am feeling a big, and growing, sense of relief with each step I take.

I am not moving away from you, at all, even if it has been feeling that way, and I am so sorry it has ..... I am having to carefully consider the decisions I am making, and allow time for those decisions to become clear.

Your loving presence here has been helping so much. You’re an absolute treasure.

I am going to be fine by the end of all this that I am faced with now

@Zoe7 💕🌼

👋🦋💕 @Zoe7 ....

I have a baby dragon on my bracelet with the butterfly 😏

@Faith-and-Hope I am pretty lost for words right now so not sure how this will go. Firstly I feel selfish for how I am feeling knowing that what others are dealing with is so very hard - that of course includes you but also many others here. It feels like everyone I am closest to are not only struggling but absent also. I fully respect that need to have some distance when things are too hard but I miss those people as well as feel for them.

I very much know that you yourself have a lot to work through, think about and deal with and that all of that will also need time. What I am dealing with so much is that I cannot be there for you while you work through and deal with all that. I would be on a plane tonight to do that for you ...but of course that is not possible. This is my personal struggle right now and it certainly has nothing to do with you at all but the situation we are in on the forum.

That sense of disconnection is not just about the forum - it is also about work, my sister moving and my emotional distance over the last few weeks with Cat. I am not coping with all this ....having the good news about Cat should have been a joyous thing but instead it has sent me further down the well ...all those weeks of waiting, grieving and having no hope had a massive effect on me emotionally and as you would know when there is some relief at the end of all that one can often fall apart - that is where I feel I am sitting right now. I also do not want to be at work - going back to the support role and knowing I won't be there next year has put some walls up for me and whilst those at work have not changed the way I interact with people has - I am definitely pulling back and spending less time with others there but I need to do that to make it easier to leave. Then there is the impending move by my sister. Having her so close and our improved relationship has meant a lot to me - having her move further away will mean I have no-one close I can turn to. I am therefore feeling a real sense of isolation again.

So both offline and online connections for me seem to be very distant and that is feeding into my sense of loneliness and worthlessness ...and there is a great sense also that I can't change any of that.

Which bd @Faith-and-Hope ?