Am Not Coping

I know. It was only Friday I was there @Zoe7 at very rock bottom but I'm trying to climb back up and I know you can too. For me as much as I dislike hospital it helped to break the cycle. I'd given up on everything and everyone, even my therapist. It's very hard when you can't find up but sometimes it doesn't take much to find your way to the surface. I really think it would help to talk to Nik and find ways to be safe here. SANE saved me on Friday when I was at rock bottom. I didn't feel like I had support anymore but here at that point too.

@Former-Member The fact is - I don't think I even want to anymore. Even when the days aren't 'as hard' there is still nothing in them. I'm tired - tired within myself and tired of what my life 'is'.

Me too @Zoe7. Today I've had to rest for so much of the day. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and so sick of being in distress all the time. At the last part I reached out for help. I'm not better at all but I've begun fighting again. The reason I fight now is because people on the forum keep shining light when I can't see any. I want to shine that light for you. You are a beautiful person who has so many amazing talents and a wicked sense of fun and humour . You are caring and loving and deserve a better life. I know one day things will be better. You are loved here. When you can't feel hope let us feel it for you. I said goodbye to my kids on Friday @Zoe7 but I'm still here. This minute I don't feel any better for it but I think I'm glad I'm here still. Hope is all you need and if you've lost it we're holding it for you until you are in a place to hold it yourself.

You know @Former-Member when I think of my whole life it really does seem like a 'work of fiction'. I often wonder how it is possible that 'things' keep happening to me and haven't any answers as to why! I try to help others (which makes me feel like I am doing something in my life that is valuable) but then I get hurt again myself. I think that no-one will believe me because there is so much sh*t that has happened in my life that I had never told anyone or talked about...and I just don't know anymore how to deal with it all!!

And I think @Zoe7 the same for me and so many others. It's not that you want to die you just want all the pain to stop and know you won't be hurt again. My stuff is very different from yours but it boils down to the same things in the end, needing the pain to stop and the opportunity to be loved for being us regardless of our past. I honestly believe you can heal from your past even though it seems like it could be fiction. You won't have to carry that novel with you for the rest of your life but you are in the trenches with it now. I know in your moments of light there is such an amazing life worth living. You can write that script now.

Thanks @Former-Member but I really don't see any 'healing' will happen. I barely have the strength anymore to get through each day let alone any in reserve to deal with 'my past'. I am not feeling sorry for myself here - I am just too tired of it all. The really sad thing is that the only people I have in my life that I can actually talk to are people that I don't even know - that is you guys on here.

Are you ok @Zoe7 because it feels like we need to lighten it at this point for both of us. 💜🤗

@Zoe7 Do you know I have people in my life bit I can't face them and not because they've hurt me but because here on the forum I feel human and can connect in a way I can't in real life. May be that makes me sad but it's what keeps me going above all else. So it's ok to feel like this. The depth of connection on here is far beyond what I experienced in real life.

Hello you two... @Former-Member and @Zoe7 ... I'm sorry to butt in here... @Zoe7 have I done something to upset you? Because if I have please know it was not intentional... I know sometimes I do.. totally inadvertently stick my frickin foot in my mouth without even realising it... so if I have.. please let me know. And know if I did, I am so very sorry for it.

No @Former-Member - I don't even know why you would think that?