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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

It's all a process @Zoe7

If I keep working at it it'll work out somehow.. I hope

Thinking of you also @Former-Member and always feel free to share if you want. There is no obligation to keep silent for the sake of others on here because we are here for each other if you need to share 🙂 No pressure 🙂

Nice work on the employer @Sam3 that's good progress 🙂 Well done.

In response to: Am Not Coping

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

gday @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

I like your positivity there @MDT I believe this will all work out for you as you have put so much into it. I also think you will have a great time once you finally get to the UK and that is will open up other avenues for you. Keep up the great work buddy

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Former-Member I see you supporting posts across the forum and wanted to check in and see how you are doing this afternoon.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 Hubby still very unwell today. So I was in town this morning to collect his new AD script. Then back home. So hot here, its awful. Watching the ODI cricket Aust vs Ind this afternoon. With air conditioning on, and Holly snuggled up next to me.

Sherry

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh I forgot the cricket was on today @Former-Member Just switched over now thanks to your reminder. Been watching a bit of tennis today in between more cleaning wok in the garage - the trailer will be full before I finish - think it may need 2 trips to the tip - the more I sort through things the more things that got damaged in the flooding last year than I realised.

We have had a reasonably good day here - not too hot at all but I feel for all you guys on the mainland -mthe heat must be unbearable. My garage is like a sauna in the afternoon with the new roof and I can only tke it for a little time at once so to be living in that kind of heat I can imagine is pretty awful. I hope this heat wave passes soon and you all get some respite.

I hope these new ADs help hubby - not good that he is still so unwell today as well - that would be making your life even harder = many hugs and a huge amount of love coming your way Hon - I can't help with much but we are here for you

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

I can only hope so @Zoe7

It's hard when there is a tinge of regret underneath.

It's becoming a case of narrowing down the skill set I have. Whatever that is. I spoke about this to my mum and sister the other day.

I need to overcome my own sense of limitation in order to look at myself honestly and value my skills appropriately. It's hard.

I'm unsure of what skills a BA can give. Only to say that there are niche things I would like to do and that I will apply for. But the problem with that? Competition.

So I'm just a bit stuck. Not sure what or more importantly, who to contact

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

What was your major with your BA @MDT?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: Am Not Coping

Government and International Relations @Zoe7

I am aiming towards internships that are geared in that area. But my fear/concern is that I don't have the "correct" experience for that.

while working in a share pub would provide funds and accomodation - it's not exactly conducive to getting further ahead in the direction I want to go.

This is why the 5 years thing is there.

Besides, the thing in Poland is only one weekend per month. Need to spend my time doing something that is related to where I want to go.

Trying to put this in a cover letter can be hard when they want me to talk about experience relevant to the role... well the experience i have atm is relevant surely..

Anyways. It's hard because I have such a broader experience base. This is why I considered going into business and starting up my own. But that's another chapter.

For now, my focus is on this stuff. It's very hard though being on the other side of the world.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes @Zoe7, I saw a bit of the tennis earlier. Missed the start of Ash Barty's match this morning, but saw the end of it. She's won through to the 4th round now. And of course young Alex De Minaur plays Rafa Nadal tonight, which I will be watching. Will be switching to the cricket in between games I expect. Aussies didnt post a very good score for the Indians to chase, so it might be an early night at the cricket.

You're pretty amazing with how much you've been doing with this garage project of yours. As for the heat ... its meant to be a little cooler here on Sunday (about 28C) but then straight back up to mid to high 30's again for the rest of the week. So respite in sight for any cool change any time soon unfortunately. This heat is just so energy sapping!

Yeah the increased ADs will hopefully help hubby. Its an additional one he put him on 2 months ago, in conjunction with another one. So he's now on an SSRI plus and SNRI which is meant to be more effective in conjunction. I know when he first went on this additional one, it did seem to help him initially. But then seemed to fluctuate after a few weeks. So this second one has now been doubled by his psychiatrist. He said he may need to increase it again when he sees him in another 2 months. With him having a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer and then Parkinsons Disease on top of it I guess its understandable that his depression and anxiety is at an all time high. Neither disease is curable, so its something he will need to live with for whatever time he has left. Its hard for him, and me too. Thanks Zoe for the hugs and your continued care and support.

Sherry 🤗🌸💜

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SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

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Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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