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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I'm lucky I dont have work atm, so am doing what it takes atm @Zoe7 shopping day today, about to make self go for a walk, so am goin g out of house a bit more maybe lol. verywell website seems helpful well for post giving up info Thanks

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

also read interesting articles on creatting obstacles for bad and easy path for good ok after stopped but rings a few bells like weightloss only seems to work when not thinking about it consciously etc well for me @Zoe7

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

also read interesting articles on creating obstacles for bad and easy path for good ok after stopped but rings a few bells like weight loss only seems to work when not thinking about it consciously etc well for me @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You are being proactive with your health @TAB - something I need to do as well - missing my pool visits but they are only open for couple of hours early in the morning and I don't want to go that early so will need to wait until they extend their hours again.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@TAB 🌼

@Zoe7 Yes you're right, its okay to be unmotivated some days. Especially since you've achieved so much lately. I watched the cricket last night too. My sixers vs your Hurricanes. Hurricanes have been very good this year, nice to see. Of course I still wanted my Sixers to win, but never really thought they were good enough. I thought they were 10 runs short of a match, and that proved to be the case. None of the Sixers batters have been consistent this year, and they have had some dreadful starts. Last night they did better than they have all comp so far. So at least it was good that they made a good close match of it for all the fans there. Hurricanes won with a ball to spare. Not up to much today at all. Might watch some of the test cricket, see how our so-called batsmen go now that they are finally getting a go after 2 days of India showing them how its done. But no other plans really. Too hot to be doing much, its meant to be 36C here today. We should get the cooler change late afternoon. I really am not feeling like doing much at all though. Quiet lethargic day.

Sherry

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Sam3

Let me reassure you that hermit crabs are small - sometimes very small - and spend most of their time in a tank - they are not aggressive and will scutter away from any bare feet - they are easy to catch and withdrawn into their shell at any sign of trouble for them

They are also cute - I will see if I can find a pic I saw yesterday of two obvious pets

Here they are - they are very small too

They are very vulnerable when they come out of their shell - I don't think keeping them in a tank is natural for them though when I was searching I found instructions for keeping them - the safest idea is not to have them if they are something that makes you feel creepy

But they are so much smaller than a cat - I had my cat for 15 years up until recently - cats are snuggly and warm and cuddly - and dogs - which I am not all that found of are sometimes bigger and bark but do tricks and go for walks with you

All pets have awkward stuff coming with them

I hope this makes hermit crabs better for you

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I forgot you are a Sixers fan @Former-Member I think you are right - they were 10-20 runs short - they lost wickets at crucial times that really slowed the run rate. I am really happy with the way the Hurricanes are playing but we seem to be a great chasing team - I wonder what the result would be if we had batted first.

I have been following the test match but not watching much - too boring for me but must admit I have had it on in the background a fair bit. Hoping today that our batters can make some inroads into India's massive score.

I hope the cool change comes for you quicker today and helps you feel more comfortable. It is hard to get motivated in the heat. Luckily for us here that cool change came yesterday afternoon and despite it being windy still it was a relief.

Going to try to motivate myself soon - getting out of my jammies is step one - then will put the hose on the garden and give that a water. I'll connect it up to the sprinkler and move it every 20 minutes or so - it could all do with a good drink as the days have been dry lately. Next will be tackling the dining table stuff again and then maybe the garage this afternoon - depending on how much energy I have then.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7

I read about your fires yesterday and I hope the cool change made a difference - I don't think we got much rain with it here though - I hope you did

Yes - I know Hobart well and can imagine how the fires can look - it's not a big place but has similar vegetation to Victoria - the eucalypts with their firey fuel just waiting for years for the right conditions so I can see it in my minds eye

I was in a bush fire a long time ago yet the image as not receded in my memory - I was in the Yarra Valley and further down the valley was the same kind of smoke and we were told to get ready to evacuate - and when it got dark it looked like the solar flares coming off the surface of the sun - I went to bed eventually and when I woke up it had rained heavily

Southern Australia has the worst bush fires although I know some other places like California and south of France are really vulnerable too - I have info I can't share because it would identify me - but we are in a fire prone area and in a place like Hobart - small with bush encroaching into the suburban area between the mountain and the esturary is really a place to see it up close and personal

I feel really tired after the heat yesterday - I guess you do too

And your pool is only open for a couple of hours first thing in the morning - is this because of the holidays - which is really tough because not everyone takes holidays when it's school holidays

I hope those fires are under control today Zoe - and it's cooler - it's cooler here today -

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

well small voice says if only 5 years ago, or even 2 re body falling apart and money wasted. Anyhoo . Better late than never @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It is much cooler here today @Owlunar - in th low 20s so much needed relief for everyone.

There is still a light breeze but nothing like the winds yesterday when it was super hot.

I am lacking motivation to get up and moving today - think I might even lay down for a while longer and thn hopefully wake up with little more energy.

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