creative_writerSenior Contributor
Listening to triggering music
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
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Listening to triggering music
656 replies
In response to: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer you been for a massage of late? I'm well-overdue myself!! Maybe it'd help to push all that study stress outta your muscles!!
Yeah it sucks that there's so many barriers! I know it'd be a lot of extra work, but you could always reach out to them anyway; some therapists are super understanding with that stuff and will offer reduced rates! One of my old psychs said that while I was still at uni she'd do my sessions for $60, it was really lovely of her.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx the thing is I want to get uni out of the way and done. I have contemplated getting extensions, but I’m just exhausted. It’ll delay by graduation, but I can always have my ceremony next year if needed.
There are a lot of barriers. Finding the right fit is also hard. There is only so much you can tell by looking at someone’s profile. I get frustrated with myself for not being able to connect to most people and feel safe. It’s so damn hard
There are a lot of barriers. Finding the right fit is also hard. There is only so much you can tell by looking at someone’s profile. I get frustrated with myself for not being able to connect to most people and feel safe. It’s so damn hard
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer yeah you're really on that home stretch, and sometimes I think that makes it feel that much more dragged out!!
Yeah can totally understand how frustrating it would be hun. I imagine it makes it harder and harder to be patient with yourself. I'm curious, have you ever had an ND therapist? Maybe it'd feel a little easier to open up if you're 'speaking the same language', ya know?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx it does feel like a lot. I’m just so tired but the pressure of maintaining grades is there.
I haven’t ever seen a therapist who has outwardly said they are ND. Though I will say I have had moments where I wondered. ND exists on a spectrum, even people who aren’t ND can display some symptoms. Not my place to diagnose, but subtle things have become more apparent after learning about ND
I haven’t ever seen a therapist who has outwardly said they are ND. Though I will say I have had moments where I wondered. ND exists on a spectrum, even people who aren’t ND can display some symptoms. Not my place to diagnose, but subtle things have become more apparent after learning about ND
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer oh yeah absolutely haha you definitely develop a knack for picking em!! I suppose I just thought if you found a therapist who was openly ND it could make it much easier to get support for your specific needs, because they'd be a lot more familiar with how your brain might work. Food for thought anyhow!
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx I’m sure there are ND therapists out there. I do think it’s unfortunate many therapists feel like they must mask and hide their ND, I know things are changing, but change takes time. It is true the ND brain works differently. Something that might seem insignificant to a NT can be traumatic for us. I came across a video of a girl with ASD and ADHD talking about the trauma of not being able to verbalise her emotions. She also spoke how a lot of us have been criticised growing up for being different and communicating differently. She also felt misunderstood growing up. It got me thinking, if you don’t have any in your formative years who understands, it’s going to affect your relationships as an adult. Being misunderstood may sound like a small thing, but I know it has personally affected me a lot. Trauma has a cumulative effect. It all adds up. Like I know SA by itself isn’t what broke me, but also being misunderstood and retraumatised at times because people don’t always know how to hold the space. It leaves one in a very lonely place. My parents have done the best they could for me, I don’t blame them. I also suspect they both have ND traits themselves, especially my mum.
I do hope one day I can feel at peace and the OCD thoughts leave. On a logical level I know I haven’t done anything wrong, yet my mind tells me I’ve done something unforgivable and that I’m just damaged good now. I think the agitation is starting to pick up again. I do think I need proper sleep tonight
I do hope one day I can feel at peace and the OCD thoughts leave. On a logical level I know I haven’t done anything wrong, yet my mind tells me I’ve done something unforgivable and that I’m just damaged good now. I think the agitation is starting to pick up again. I do think I need proper sleep tonight
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer being misunderstood is so, so far from being a small thing hun. We're creatures of connection, and not being understood makes us feel that existential isolation all the more. Perhaps that's even part of it - you've had your experiences minimised so much that something as painful as being unable to communicate them and have them received in a safe way, has itself been made out to be no big deal. Did I explain that in a way that makes sense?
Trauma is indeed cumulative - but so is healing!! Even if it doesn't feel like it, every day you put even one tiny coping tool into place, reframe one thought, or forgive yourself a mistake, it will make a difference.
Hmm... you definitely have had some truly crappy experiences in how people have responded to your vulnerability. But what about times when you have felt seen and heard. Could you reflect on those as a way of reassuring that anxious part?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx I think society considers it to be less significant than it is. I feel like ND individuals are at higher risk of being misunderstood because our brain work differently. Emotional invalidation is a form of trauma in itself. Not having words to communicate emotions can be hard. I need to use imagery and metaphors to capture my emotions on a deeper level.
It is true recovery is cumulative. Forgiving myself is hard. I do believe it’s important to recognise perfectionism is often a coping mechanism. Nobody can be perfect. As human beings, we often try to look for things we can control and can get too caught up in controlling things that are outside of our control. There will always be other things we can control.
There have been times I have felt heard and validated, but not by most people. Those precious gems are rarer but do exist
It is true recovery is cumulative. Forgiving myself is hard. I do believe it’s important to recognise perfectionism is often a coping mechanism. Nobody can be perfect. As human beings, we often try to look for things we can control and can get too caught up in controlling things that are outside of our control. There will always be other things we can control.
There have been times I have felt heard and validated, but not by most people. Those precious gems are rarer but do exist
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer oh 100%!! Especially when we're undiagnosed - we're constantly compared to other NT people and then admonished when we can't perform to the same standards. It's awful. Invalidation is absolutely traumatising. It's no wonder I ended up with the narrative that I was weak, incompetent, and stupid. Took time to untangle myself from that, to be sure.
Totally! When being told over and over you're not good enough or not keeping up with everyone else, it's bound to create a pretty loud and demanding inner critic. I think IFS therapy can really help with a loud inner critic though!
You know, you are so insightful hun. You have a lot of wisdom, and remind me of myself. You will get there. One foot in front of the other. You got this 💪💜
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx it’s hard when one wants to be free but feels anxious to tell others about being ND. My ND friend hasn’t told uni about her ND either. Though most of my course has been assignments, the accomodation you often need for assignments is extra time, which has been easy to get with med certificates. I do feel like society fails to acknowledge how doing things may be harder for some. They give you the message because so and so was able to do it despite challenges, you should be able to do it too.
I have looked into IFS. Right now my brain is so confused about which therapist to go to. Maybe once I have more time I can give it more thought.
I hope today has been kind to you💖. It is rather warm today
I have looked into IFS. Right now my brain is so confused about which therapist to go to. Maybe once I have more time I can give it more thought.
I hope today has been kind to you💖. It is rather warm today
