Listening to triggering music

@creative_writer yeah it's pretty ridiculous hey. Like maybe if a member of our society is struggling we should, idk help them instead of telling them they should be ashamed for not meeting some standard that is actually impossible for them to meet.

Makes sense!! I think that's very wise, to wait until you've got more brain space to dedicate to it. I think for me, even just reading about IFS has been super helpful in being able to begin identifying my parts, and to recognise when I'm speaking from my parts instead of my Self. For example I noticed my anxiety creeping up the other day when I hadn't heard back from my partner in a while. My little inner protector decided "OMG it's because you're texting them too much!" If this had happened a couple years back I probably would have either stopped texting them for aaaages or sent them a text saying sorry for being so bothersome, and all the while would be driving myself absolutely bonkers over it all.

Now, instead of speaking from the part I speak for the part - I ended up sending a text saying "Hey so, my anxiety has started creeping up and has somehow got the idea I am bothering you with how often I text. I don't think that's the actual truth as I imagine you would have said something; I still needed to vocalise it to help put the anxiety to rest. And of course if you do need a break from texting just let me know." They responded with much kindness and reassurance!

The textbook was just the Internal Family Systems Therapy one, do you have access to it via your uni library?

In any case... I think I just overloaded you with even more info haha sorry! Today has been kind indeed, except the sweatiness!! You surviving the warm okay?

@Jynx I feel like there are milestones set my society that need to be met by a certain age. I feel enormous amount of pressure for getting into a relationship and having a stable degree. 1) I can’t go into a relationship till I find someone. 2) I’m too burnt out to work right now. I do sometimes feel like I’m getting old, but I guess age is just a number.

It does sound like IFS has been helpful. It is true we all have different parts of ourselves. Often these different parts of ourselves are in conflict.

I’m indoors and in a dark room, I’m surviving it okay. I had a shower earlier in the afternoon

@creative_writer I mean... those milestones are just ideas. They're not a set of instructions for a successful life, they're relics of hundreds of years of dumb traditions. I refuse to let my life be dictated by people long since dead. I do acknowledge it is really hard when we are being told over and over by people, media, and advertising that these things are the necessary components of a life well lived - as we know how much humans are wont to believe things they hear over and over! But yeah, it can be hard to do but I fully believe in your ability to build a life that is fulfilling for you 💜

Oh nice, yeah I've got all my blinds closed and the air con running!! Not looking forward to summer 😑

@Jynx I have a friend who has health conditions and she also said she did things at her pace, but she mostly achieved more later on. One does burn out trying to be like everyone else. Realistically I know i have time before the biological clocks kicks in for kids. My mum even had my baby sister when she was in her mid 30s. My sister will always be a baby in my eyes even though she’s a grown adult. Sometimes it’s hard being the oldest child, you don’t have an older sibling to lean on. Like I don’t know who I can go for support.

I’m not looking forward to summer either. It can cause changes in blood pressure too.

@creative_writer oh for sure, being the oldest has a lot of challenges hey, that pressure to be the first one to hit those milestones!

Are your younger siblings just not mature enough yet for you to feel like you can lean on them? I know for my siblings and I, things definitely shifted a lot when we all grew up and moved away.

Oh yikes! And moving from hot to cold air con back to hot can't be fun for your system either!

@Jynx it just doesn’t feel fair on my siblings. My brother probably will have no idea how to react, we are closer in age than I am with my sister. I still see my sister as a baby. She is 7 years younger than me. Maybe it is my perception, but I do often feel disconnected from family despite being close to them. I find that painful. They’re the only people I consistently interact with the most.

Temperature fluctuations doesn’t help. Compression leggings help but are a pain to wear when taking bathroom trips

@creative_writer We can never really know for sure how someone will react. I mean sometimes I try to subtly 'test the waters' - mainly if I wanna express something to my parents cos I know they don't have as much emotional intelligence/regulation skills. Stuff like... seeing how they react if I tell them I have a friend who is in a similar situation or something. But like, you know your family best, and if it doesn't feel safe it doesn't feel safe!

My sister is 6 years older, so I do get you! It definitely becomes less and less of a thing as we get older. Like a 6 y.o. and a 12 y.o. have HUGE differences in the way they exist in the world but I'm 32 now and she's 38 and we get along like old friends. Do you feel your younger sister has started to mature? Or maybe she has, but there's just not as much for you two to connect on?

Haha you need a zip crotch 🤣🤣

@Jynx she is maturing, but it is hard because I still see her as a baby even though she is in her early 20s and I don't want to burden her. It might just be me being reluctant as opposed to her being emotional mature.

A zip would be handy, but then I am worried it might be uncomfortable 🤣

Perhaps in time you will find a new groove with them @creative_writer 😊

Aye I think that's the eternal struggle of clothing hey... comfort vs convenience vs cuteness!

How was your day?

@Jynx my sister gets annoyed at us for treating her like a baby. I remember as a very tinny bean. I was 7 when she was born. It’s different with my brother since I was a toddler when he was born. Though my brother probably wouldn’t be able to help out with emotions. He doesn’t really talk much about his emotions either.

I had to actually find compression leggings that weren’t made of yucky material. I hate the feel of polyester and it gets stinky so easily. I found bamboo cotton compression leggings which I use. They’re pretty thin too, so good for summer. They can be layered under pants during winter. Yes, my legs get really cold during winter, but coats don’t exist for legs.

My day was busy and I’m exhausted. Heat doesn’t help. I get more stuff done earlier in the day since I’m fatigued and more achy later in the day. Maybe I’m a morning person. Or maybe my meds make me a morning person. I don’t really know. You know my dad came up with morning person and my mum came up as an evening person in their DNA test. They did a DNA ancestry test a while back. Results were interesting.

How was your day?