Listening to triggering music

I care about you very much and see there is so much in you @creative_writer . You are just too precious and too worthy to let these thoughts hold you down.

I'm sorry if I have triggered you in any way. Please know I'm here for you. I also acknowledge that when our bodies are a bit worn down physically, it can make everything else so much the worse.

hugs to you.

@tyme I already shed some tears even before we spoke this evening. I think I am extra emotional today. Maybe holding back tears has led to a build up of emotions

Hugs @creative_writer

BIG hugs to you. You are very special to all of us.

@tyme I wish I knew the way forward but I don’t. I think talking about it in detail can have a destabilising effect. Did I get retraumatised in therapy? I haven’t spoken in detail for a very long time. I don’t know, maybe it’s helping not feeling like I need to. I do feel really lonely, I do believe I can still get benefit from giving some context when talking about it like I did with my SANE counsellor. Maybe I need to find a less “talking” form of therapy

Or, have you had a look at Phoenix Australia? They are trauma specialists @creative_writer .

Most, if not all, therapists should be trauma-informed - for the purpose of NOT re-traumatising people.

@tyme I haven’t heard of Phoenix Australia before, I’m looking at their website right now.

Sometimes even the “trauma informed therapists” may unknowingly re-traumatise a client. I blamed myself for not feeling safe with my last psych because I barely ever feel safe, I thought it was just normal me. I felt safer with the SANE counsellor and it felt reassuring that I did not even need to talk about details and just give her some context, I found that healing

Absolutely @creative_writer . Is that the difference between counsellors and psychologists?

Also, Phoenix Australia is a very well-known trauma service. I've done a fair bit of training with them.

@tyme psych, counsellors and social workers all get different training but all can provide therapy if trained. The sessions were limited with SANE so it wouldn’t have been wise to dig too much up. I think comfort really comes down to the therapist. What clicks is what clicks.

I’ve checked Phoenix Australia and it seems I’m not eligible. I won’t give up looking for a therapist. Maybe someone who is more ND focused might work better. Communication differences are evident when comparing NDs to NTs

I’ve just been thinking over things. Maybe the reason why I’ve felt so ashamed for so long does come down to what I was saying yesterday. I don’t know if I fully registered it until yesterday. While I accept that it was my fate, a part of me is disappointed in myself for not doing what I could’ve to protect myself. It feels hard to not feel responsible in a way, even though I know I didn’t ask for it and it wasn’t consensual. I still feels very sticky in my mind, I can’t stop thinking. I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe anymore

hey @creative_writer just read your recent post, do you feeling your stuck in an overthinking loop at the moment? would it help to talk it through?

i do want to say, when we experience trauma in which a non-consensual act occurs, it's normal for a part of us to second guess things and feel like we could've done more to protect ourselves. but although that thought process is painful and common, it doesn't change the fact that THEY were at fault, not you. we can't go back in time to change things but we do have control over what we do now. and one of those things you have control over is how you treat yourself. you didn't deserve to be treated that way.