creative_writerSenior Contributor
Listening to triggering music
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
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Listening to triggering music
656 replies
In response to: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@rav3n maybe I am stuck in a loop. I’ve just been very frustrated lately, maybe it’s just that I feel useless and unproductive. Can’t exactly do much while sick.
I think the scary thing is to accept how little control we do have. I know I didn’t ask for it, but I feel so heartbroken and sad it happened 😢
I think the scary thing is to accept how little control we do have. I know I didn’t ask for it, but I feel so heartbroken and sad it happened 😢
In response to: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
What a shame you're not eligible. I'm not sure what eligibility looks like from their side @creative_writer
I hope you find someone you can connect with. I'm glad you noticed that talking to someone and not delving into trauma was actually helpful for you. At least this may be something you can let the therapist know in the future.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
rav3nSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
that makes a lot of sense too @creative_writer not having uni/work/activities to keep you busy and occupied makes it easier for those thoughts to creep back... and then being sick on top of that, it must be quite exhausting! do things like reading help divert your focus?
it is scary when things like this happen, when it is out of our control. there's been so many times that i grieve for the person i was, and grieve for the painful moments that could've been avoided if things were different. i'm so sorry you have to feel that heartbreak again, and i wish i could take that pain away for you. by accepting it, we're not forgetting that pain but we're choosing to move forward from it. we're choosing not to let the pain consume us, but to make something better of ourselves and to be kind to ourselves.
you mentioned feeling useless/unproductive, what usually makes you feel useful and productive? is there something that you can work on at home (that isn't going to make you feel more sick)?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme maybe a neuroaffirming therapist might be a better fit. I’m sure you can find trauma informed ones too. I think I’m so tired of feeling “abnormal” and pathologised. I think it’s best to start with basics, diving too deep can be destabilising. I think I’ll give myself the space to explore options, can’t expect too much from myself as I gain my strength back.
@rav3n last year was a very big year and I was doing a lot. I haven’t done much since I’ve gotten back from holidays due to pesky microbes. I’m able to handle more reading now, it used to feel impossible. Sinus pain was very bad before. I have online trainings to complete and cleaning to do, but I’m finding it hard to get the motivation. I did wash clothes and take a shower, which I would take as positive along with changing my bedsheets.
It is grief. I’m grieving the part of me I’ve lost and will never be able to get back. It’s hard feeling as though you had your innocence taken from you
@rav3n last year was a very big year and I was doing a lot. I haven’t done much since I’ve gotten back from holidays due to pesky microbes. I’m able to handle more reading now, it used to feel impossible. Sinus pain was very bad before. I have online trainings to complete and cleaning to do, but I’m finding it hard to get the motivation. I did wash clothes and take a shower, which I would take as positive along with changing my bedsheets.
It is grief. I’m grieving the part of me I’ve lost and will never be able to get back. It’s hard feeling as though you had your innocence taken from you
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
rav3nSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer you finished your prescription meds a week ago right? is it still getting worse? it sucks when the bug sticks around for so long, i can imagine how tiring it is for the body and mind. totally understandable if finding motivation right now is hard, and washing clothes, changing bedsheets and showering are definitely wins for today!! gosh i struggle so much with that stuff when i'm sick.
have you read self-help types of books before? i've recently gotten back into it. the last time i just lost the motivation/interest but i started again (new year, new me!) and noticed that consuming that sort of material has been helpful when my brain tries to float away to more negative thoughts. i know its not for everyone, but i wonder if it's something you've tried/like to try?
i agree, grief is hard to deal with. i guess dealing with any sort of grief, whether its the loss of a person or loss of innocence, the feelings are similar and the way we heal from it is similar too. and they say, grief comes in waves. so maybe that's how it is for us sometimes? although we accept we cannot change the past, there will be waves of sadness/pain when we remember it. maybe it's about finding a way to let those waves pass by without holding on/consuming it?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@rav3n I am going to finish my second course of antibiotics today. I've been feeling super weak this weekend and feel guilty for not being productive but I feel lightheaded if I get up. I think my blood pressure is running on the low side. I know I have things to do and I feel like I might end up cramming things at this point.
Self-help books are a bit of a hit or miss. Sometimes they include things you already know and sometimes you learn.
I've come to accept what has passed. Sometimes it is hard not to get stuck in the pain because I feel so unworthy at times. Thee intrusive thoughts come and tell me my value has decreased. Not sure how to change the narrative even though I know it doesn't make any sense
Self-help books are a bit of a hit or miss. Sometimes they include things you already know and sometimes you learn.
I've come to accept what has passed. Sometimes it is hard not to get stuck in the pain because I feel so unworthy at times. Thee intrusive thoughts come and tell me my value has decreased. Not sure how to change the narrative even though I know it doesn't make any sense
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
My emotional tolerance is running a bit low right now. All I want is to escape from this all. These intrusive thoughts won’t leave
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
Hey @creative_writer ,
What'd you get up to today?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme I was lightheaded today so didn’t get up to much because I couldn’t. I’ve just been at home. I think my lack of activity hasn’t been good for my mental health.
Have you been up to much?
Have you been up to much?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
I went to church in the morning, and then for a nice walk after @creative_writer . That's about it. Not much more.
I wonder if a bit of fresh air for you will be helpful?
